DigitalShark1 Reviews

Evil Dead Rise (2023)

Familiar Yet Fresh

[8/10 · 29 April 2023]

Evil Dead Rise is Evil Dead without Bruce Campbell. That sounds like something destined for failure but it was actually pretty good.

Evil Dead Rise plays a lot like the first Evil Dead movie. A cast of characters slowly becoming demonic deadites one by one. Getting killed in horrific ways and a sole survivor. The real difference is the setting and the tone. The first Evil Dead takes place out in the woods and has a oddly goofy tone to the film, whereas Evil Dead Rise's tone is similar to a blumhouse film. These differences don't take away from the film but help give it it's own style while still feeling familiar.

Really the characters are just there to be slaughtered and they're not super interesting by any means but they definitely weren't bad either. Evil Dead Rise's real strength is in the clever creepy moments it adds that slowly build-up. I really can't describe them specifically without spoiling them, so let me describe them like this:

Remember in Silent Hill when Henry tries to make a call with a phone before realizing the wire's been cut but as he walks away it begins ringing? Maybe not, but it illustrates my point either way. Small creepy moments that take time to build in your head. None of them will make you jump out of your seat but they will make your skin crawl.

That's the kind of horror movie this is. Not jumpscares nor terrifying moments, but some good skin-crawling moments.

Scream VI (2023)

The Death of Self-Awareness

[6/10 · 20 April 2023]

A truth of storytelling is it's totally ok for things in a story not to make sense. It's only when the writers act like they do make sense that makes people hate it. In other words, it needs to be self-aware. The problem is Scream VI is a movie that thinks it's a lot more self-aware than it really is.

Scream VI follows the same format as the previous Scream movies, with lots of meta-humor about characters who know they're in a slasher film. They spend quite a bit of time making fun of the tropes of slasher films (aka the promiscuous girl dies first, people making dumb decisions, etc). Maybe this style of humor was a breath of fresh air when Scream first came out but now it comes off as stale and mundane. Whereas characters making fun of their own tropes used to be cutting edge and innovative, now just feels like a bad rick and morty episode.

Not that the movie has a lot more going for it other than this. The characters are so annoying and sometimes purposely cringe. They unironically refer to themselves as the "Core Four" that are horror film experts and yet, still can't seem to save their friend's lives.

But I get it, you're here for the blood and cool kills. And the film definitely has those. There were scenes that did feel genuinely tense, I can safely say I didn't see the twist coming, and Ghostface does feel like a dreadful threat throughout the movie.

It's a decent horror film, but the more I thought about it, the less I liked it.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

Probably as good as it'll get

[7/10 · 19 April 2023]

There's few things on earth as famous as Mario. A character whose very name is synonymous with video games. Just like the games, Mario is not thought-provoking but it is very enjoyable.

Super Mario Bros has never been known for it's deep story, and the same translates here. It's a lsekai story about Mario falling into the mushroom kingdom. Not that really any explanation is needed, as there's probably no one walking into the theater that hasn't not only heard but played Mario before. As such, the movie doesn't spend more time than it needs to explaining it's world. Things like Monkies driving karts? Those karts being able to drive on a rainbow? Or Mushrooms giving special powers? We don't need an explanation for any of this unless you're just pretending not to know what Mario Kart is.

Luckily, the movie doesn't try too hard to be something it's not. Mario is a very silly idea that's given a very silly story. It's about a plumber who has to stop a forced marriage between a princess of mushroom people and a giant turtle dragon. There is no way this concept could be taken seriously so it doesn't. The light goofy tone of the movie adds to the charm and is much better than if they tried to give a very complicated backstory to this world and these characters.

The voice actors are all pretty good as their characters (expect Seth Rogen, who just uses his regular voice that doesn't fit his character), but Jack Black as Bowser is the obvious best in show. I was also surprised by how good Keegan Michael-Key is as Toad. There's a lot of references to previous Mario media or Nintendo works but none of them feel forced or way too on the nose. They're subtle, just like references should be.

Super Mario Bros Movie is not by any means a masterpiece, but it's definitely fun.

Renfield (2023)

Worth a try.

[6/10 · 19 April 2023]

Renfield is a great example of style with little substance. A underwhelming story with impressive visuals. It's in a way worthy of both respect and contempt at the same time.

First off, the premise is a great idea. We've never really had a "Renfield" movie before or even a interesting look at the character. Renfield clearly is meant to be an allegory for anyone in a abusive relationship, a allegory that is no so subtle at times but still works. Although there isn't a lot more to Renfield's character beyond that. He's a little more than a one-dimensional protagonist in a story that doesn't offer much more.

Nicolas Cage is decent as Dracula but feels underwhelming. It seems as no one could decide if they wanted a comedic Dracula or a genuinely terrifying Dracula. As a result, we get a weird in-between Dracula that fails to accomplish either. Not that there's any better original characters either. Unless you're really interested in Awkwafina as a annoying cop with daddy issues.

The one part that Renfield does hit out of the park is the visuals. Renfield looks amazing the entire way through. The action scenes are over-the-top gory in all the best ways, the cinematography was really impressive at some scenes, and the costumes and makeup are so phenomenal, I would be surprised if they're not nominated for an Oscar.

Overall, it's fun but it's not a movie you're going to remember for the rest of your life.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

Like the Moose-Jaws we never got

[6/10 · 1 March 2023]

If you're reading this review, you've probably already seen Cocaine Bear. So for that reason, I'll change how I word my review.

Cocaine Bear is everything people would want for a film called what it is. There are many aspects I was scared a movie that wasn't taking itself very seriously would have (Dated memes, Pop Culture references, dumb cameos) but Cocaine Bear definitely leaves some method to it's eccentricity.

The film very much acts like a typical slasher film, where there's a body count and a monster taking out the half-baked characters one by one. And while there are definitely films that do this premises way better, Cocaine Bear handles the basic dread and tense moments decently well. Although there are moments where the film feels "Tame", there are also moments that took me by surprise in terms of shock.

None of the characters are very memorable, the story isn't anything special, but it's good popcorn fodder. Which is clearly what it aims to be.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Felt like someone's fanfiction

[6/10 · 19 December 2021]

I understand this movie is getting heavy-praise right now and you're probably already thinking of downvoting this, but at least hear me out.

I'm a big Spider-Man fan, and I genuinely enjoy most marvel movies. I don't think I consider too many of them masterpieces but they're enjoyable. I went into this movie wanting to like it, but instead what I got was a story that read out like someone's fanfiction without much else to offer.

Don't get me wrong, the film's fine enough. There are some funny jokes and it does feel good to see Willem Dafoe as Green Goblin and Alfred Molina as Doc Ock again, but not much else than that. Peter and MJ's relationship feels very cookie-cutter and at some point you get tired of hearing washed-up actors talk about their old films.

It's not a bad movie, but highly overrated and everyone really needs to calm down over it.

The Fog (1980)

Campy Atmosphere

[7/10 · 1 November 2021]

The Fog is feels like one of John Carpenter's lesser known films. Not that it's bad, but it's somewhat forgettable and no where near as good as films like The Thing and Halloween.

On it's own however, The Fog has a decent amount of atmosphere. The movie has somewhat as a ensemble cast of decently interesting characters whom all have some connection to a bizarre shipwreck that took place in "The Fog". The characters struggle to find answers and solutions as the fog becomes a more increasing threat on the small town.

The Fog has some great moments and some great buildup, John Carpenter's film are incredibly atmospheric. Now "atmospheric" is a word that's hard to pin down, but basically, it means that you really feel like you know this town and you feel involved in the events that take place in it. It's easily one of the hardest things for a movie to accomplish and the fog does it very well. Easily the best part of the movie is how much each location sticks out in your head. So later in the film, there's a certain intensity that makes the scene epic when characters later come back to these locations under intense circumstances. This sense of atmosphere gives the movie another layer of depth that makes it so thrilling to watch.

Despite this, The Fog definitely has it's down-time moments. There's a few scens that felt like a chore to sit through, the main "villain" of the movie never feels truly scary and the ending doesn't really make any sense. There are things that hold this film back or things that don't feel as powerful as it could be.

But with that said, The Fog is still a thrill to watch and a hidden gem of the carpenter catalogue.

Train to Busan (2016)

An Emotional Thrill Ride (get it)

[8/10 · 20 October 2021]

Train to Busan really took me by surprise. I thought it was going to be another generic zombie movie, certainly looks that way by how it's promoted, but once you watch it, you realize just how much care and passion went into this project.

Train to Busan is about a series of characters trying to survive a zombie apocalypse onboard a train that needs to get past stops, roadblocks and a ever-growing crew of zombies slowly working it's way up the train.

Even though there's such a huge cast of characters, none of them feel boring or forgettable. In short time, Train to Busan establishes distinct characters that you remember the quotes of and cry when they're eventually eaten. The large cast of characters also lends itself to the tense atmosphere of the whole film. No one feels safe from the zombie horde and it's anyone's guess to who gets axed off next.

Train to Busan is the most engaging zombie movie I've seen in a really long time. But please god, watch it subbed. I promise you, you might feel the need to watch the dub, but I promise you, it's better subbed. Reading is not that bad, I promise.

Hellraiser (1987)

Twisted Tale of Romance

[8/10 · 20 October 2021]

You probably know Hellraiser as the Pinhead movie. Which is interesting, since he's in the film so little.

Hellraiser on it's own is about a man named Frank, who tries to escape the twisted sexual punishments of the "Cenobytes" a group of BDSM demons that can be summoned by a bizarre cube. Frank tries to escape the demons by feasting on the blood of others, each time growing his body back.

Hellraiser's pacing truly is it's best feature. It knows when to hold back and when to show off creepy visuals. The beginning of the film feels like a horror film with a lot of hardwork behind it, but later becomes. Dark twisted fantasy film, and the transition is seamless. That's the best part of Hellraiser and Clive Barker in general. He's very good at not showing all his cards at once.

Of course, Hellraiser is not perfect. Some of the lines are real cringe and none of the actors are anything special (except the guy who plays Pinhead, who was giving it his all). Their performance generally doesn't degrade the film, but there are some scenes that fall flat because of it.

But with a few mistakes, Hellraiser is definitely worth a watch. It's a memorable experience that you should experience at least once.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Creative and Original

[9/10 · 20 October 2021]

There's really no time you're more vulnerable than when you're more vulnerable then when you're asleep. That's the most basic premise of A Nightmare on Elm Street, even though most people now know it as the Freddy Krueger film.

But it's really a lot more than that. The idea of Nightmare on Elm Street is so fascinating to hear. All the kids of elm street have been having nightmares of the same creepy man with knives for fingers. Over the course of the film, their realize their nightmare is a lot more than just a nightmare.

The concept is cool enough, but nightmare on elm street is so full of character that it sticks out immensely. The character of Freddy Krueger is so thrilling to watch and the dream sequences feel endlessly creative. Since they're a dream, they don't have strict structural rules which adds to the film's atmosphere and intrigue.

The other big advantage is the main character, Nancy. Nancy's struggle to both keep her friends alive and take down Freddy Krueger is really engaging and would be the best part of most other movies alone. She's easily one of the best horror heroes in cinema.

Nightmare on Elm Street is simply a classic. And while there's been lots of innovation in the genre and cinema itself since, this film is still super fun to watch.

Evil Dead II (1987)

A Stellar Sequel

[7/10 · 20 October 2021]

Evil Dead II is a sequel that doesn't sound like it should work but it does. If I were to pitch a Evil Dead sequel that's basically a remake but with a much goofier tone to the point where it's much more a comedy than a horror movie.

But nevertheless, Evil Dead II is impressive and so much fun to watch. Bruce Campbell as Ash Williams is single handedly the greatest part of this movie. He is so much fun to watch and the fact that he seems to be having so much fun playing it makes it so much better.

You really don't need to see Evil Dead in order to see Evil Dead II, and while I still prefer the original, I can definitely see why so many prefer the sequel.

The Fly (1986)

Gross and Fantastic

[8/10 · 20 October 2021]

The Fly is a movie with the most horrifying concept I've ever heard. The original film is about a scientist franticly trying to turn himself human again of an experiment gone wrong. While that's all good, The remake, about a scientist slowly transforming into the fly is the most terrifying thing I have ever heard of.

And the Fly does this premise perfectly. Jeff Goldblum's transformation from loveable dork scientist to horrifying human/fly hybrid monster is one of the scariest things to watch in any movie ever. Easily what carries this entire movie.

My only complaint is that's kinda it. The movie feels kinda low-budget and most scenes involves geena davis visiting Jeff Goldblum's apartment and finding him and worse and worse conditions. It's basically "woman visits goldblum's house" the movie. The character's aren't really bad, they're just somewhat forgettable, and there's so few of them. Generally films with small cast of characters make everyone of them count but each character (and there's really only two others) just serve to highlight the vileness of the fly transformation in some way.

But I get it, you're watching this movie for the incredible practical effects. That's clearly what the film focuses most on and it doesn't disappoint. The effects in the fly are both gross to look at and yet so impressive you can't stop looking. They're vile yet fascinating to the point where you can't look away. The film basically exists as a showcase of these effects.

But damn, are they some incredible effects.

The Tatami Galaxy (2010)

The most unique and fantastic anime

[9/10 · 11 October 2021]

The Tatami Galaxy is really unlike any anime you've seen. Not necessarily in it's premise, but in the way it's executed.

The Tatami Galaxy follows the story of an unnamed protagonist who meets a demi-god of love and matchmaking at a strange ramen restaurant. Over the course of many tries, the protagonist relives the same two years over and over again, trying to find the "rose tinted college life" he dreams of. He tries out different clubs, has to deal with his only friend Ozu who is basically the worst person alive, always attempting and chickening out to ask out the same girl he has a crush on. You know, college life.

Although it's somewhat episodic, the show cleverly wraps all the episodes up into a cool storyline that makes every episode relevant and unique. We learn more about characters that you originally believe were background characters, and learn that the characters we see on screen have a lot more to them than what meets the eye.

If I were to really talk about what makes this show so special, that would actually end up spoiling it. So you just have to trust me on this one. This show is incredible and it's not that long so give it a try. You won't be disappointed.

The Reflecting Skin (1990)

An annoying mess.

[3/10 · 7 October 2021]

The Reflecting Skin reminds me of the kid in high school who would always interrupt the teacher. He really thinks he's being clever and cutting edge, but actually looks like a moron and is making everyone cringe.

The premise of this film is a young boy named Seth, who starts to think he neighbor is a vampire. While it sounds like a lame disney channel original movie, it's actually a artsy "horror" film about the loss of innocence as a child.

There's a couple problems with this analysis that I have an issue with. First, the contrast between childhood innocence and devastating trauma is displayed very poorly. The beginning scene of Seth blowing up frogs with his friends is clearly meant to be a moment of sweet childhood fun, but in reality comes off incredibly disturbing. Seth murdering little animals with his friends in gruesome ways doesn't come off as sweet in innocent, it just makes Seth look like a little brat and possibly a psychopath. Not a great start.

Eventually Seth meets his neighbor "Dolphin Blue" (very subtle, guys) who to Seth's credit, does come off incredibly creepy, which makes Seth believe she's a vampire. This actually leads to another huge problem in this movie: Nobody in the film talks or even acts like a regular person. Everyone in the film acts incredibly robotic and it doesn't feel like bad acting, more so like director's choice. I'm not sure why he would emphasize everyone to act as inhuman as possible but it sure did make it a lot harder to relate to any of the characters.

Throughout the film, Seth's friends are kidnapped and killed one by one by a bunch of college kids who drive around in a black car (an obvious symbolism for death itself). But symbolism only works if it still makes sense in context (Animal Farm is a great example) but this movie really expects me to believe a bunch of college kids are just spending their time picking people up by the side of of road, killing them, not trying to hide it and they never get arrested?!

Eventually, the death kids pull up to Seth and Dolphin, and in an incredibly subtle moment they ask Seth if he wants a ride and he actually responds "not yet". Dolphin gets in and Seth knowing full well these people are murderers, poses no objection to her getting in anyway. She of course gets murdered and we end with Seth running into a field and screaming.

All in all, this movie is quite bad. Not a fan.

The Evil Dead (1981)

Campy Fun

[8/10 · 6 October 2021]

The Evil Dead has a unique charm to it that few movies do. It came out at a time where indie films were beginning to take off and film festivals were gaining more and more traction. The Evil Dead is a movie that proves you don't need millions of dollars or connections with incredibly famous people to make a good movie.

Easily the best part of Evil Dead is it's cinematography. Every film student in the world has tried to figure out how to make a single cheap location look impressive and interesting and Sam Raimi somehow figured it out. Most shots are incredibly close up and generally have an little angle or movement to them. It may not sound super impressive but it really makes you feel like you're in the cabin with these college kids and keeps an incredible tension throughout the entire film.

It's also the only film I can think of that's visuals are both funny and scary with the emphasis still being on scary. I would've said it was impossible to make scenes scary and funny otherwise and the only other film I can think that accomplished something similar was Little Shop of Horrors. But Little shop of horrors is still at it's heart meant to be a comedy, whereas The Evil Dead is meant to be a horror. Some scenes are so incredibly ridiculous (one famous scene in particular) that you want to laugh but still so disturbing that you can't. It's visuals are so campy and yet gave me chills looking at them. There's really no other movie that can do both.

The Evil Dead is not a masterpiece by any means, but it's not trying to be. That's a huge part of the charm of it, there's not a scene in this movie that's even remotely pretentious. It feels like a movie that they had fun making and it equally fun to watch.

The World According to Jeff Goldblum (2019–2022)

Absolute GARBAGE

[1/10 · 6 October 2021]

Let me tell you something and listen closely: You are being scammed.

This is barely a TV show, this is Jeff Goldblum wanting to go on vacation and somehow get paid for it.

Jeff Goldblum goes around America to try the best Ice Cream, Coffee, Luxury swimming pools and BBQ, all while giving the most basic information and surface level understanding of the topics he's talking about.

That's it. That's the show. And I understand Jeff is kinda in that sweet spot of meme where he's beloved by everyone, but I'm telling you, I loved Jeff Goldblum before watching this show, but by the end, I hated him. It never feels like Jeff is actually passionate about the topics he speaks on, he never once seems like he's actually interested in the people he's talking to.

Jeff just gives brief voice-over the give you the briefest explanation of how caffeine works or quickly interviewing people at a waterpark. All of this makes this show feel a lot more like a 6th grade project and lot less like something a team of professionals made. They just do the quickest work possible before sending the rest to be finished by their animators.

Not that even that it's cute animations can save it. Sometimes their graphics are pleasant to look at, sometimes they're so clustered you can't even really tell what they're trying to be. We just go from one after effects animation to Jeff Goldblum on a quick field trip, to another after effects animation. Repeat until credits.

Basically, this is content at it's laziest and it doesn't deserve your time.

Malignant (I) (2021)

Enjoyable, but forgettable.

[7/10 · 6 October 2021]

Malignant is the new film by indie turned mainstream director James Wan, who's come a long way from making a proof of concept of Saw for $2,000. There's a lot of directors who definitely feel like they give up once they make millions of dollars, so I give James Wan credit for at least still trying.

Malignant is about a woman named Madison, an woman whose nightmares about murders suddenly begin to become reality after her abusive husband smashes her head against a wall. Throughout the movie, we get glimpses of the killer and learn more of the strange relationship between the two.

Malignant plays out like a thousand other horror movies and decent twilight zone episodes. You got your vulnerable protagonist who can see the impending doom, but of course, no one believes her. It's not a groundbreaking trope, but it's not bad by any means. Malignant for the first two acts sticks to a formula that you're definitely familiar with if you've even seen a few horror parodies before, but it's still enjoyable. You see the murders coming and you more or less know exactly how they'll get murdered too, but it's still entertaining to see evil doctors get killed in really cool lit sets.

Towards the third act, Malignant takes a drastic shift. It reveals it's huge twist and becomes more of a bad action movie. I won't give away the twist, but the more you think about it, the less it makes sense. It's almost too ridiculous to find scary at that point, but does keep the disturbing element the film goes for.

All in all, I got my money's worth, but I'll probably never think about it again.

Love (II) (2015)

Not as artsy or good as it thinks it is

[4/10 · 6 October 2021]

I genuinely want my two hours back.

Love is a newish film by Gaspar Noe. It's a romantic tragedy that's less Romeo and Juliet and more Chasing Amy if it was written by someone who's had a lot of bad sex recently. But since it's a Gaspar Noe film, his fans will come flocking to it and probably consider a masterpiece without even seeing it because it's got actors having sex in it.

For the record, don't think me some button-up karen who scorns at a film for showing people having sex. I am absolutely fine with live actors having sex in a film but that does not necessarily make it more artsy or groundbreaking. Love takes itself incredibly seriously despite having very little to offer. It's sex scenes feel redundant as we watch the same three boring characters having sex in different situations. Unfortunately there's not one character in this film that's relatable or likable unless you can relate to being knocking up a french girl on a study abroad program and can only think about how it's somehow that girl's fault.

I would say this movie is 50% sex scenes and 50% medium close up shots. 40 minutes into the movie I was thinking "Wow, this guy really loves his medium close ups" in fact maybe Gaspar loves them a little TOO much and he shoots pretty much every scene in the exact same frame that makes every show feel like the same.

I think Gaspar Noe is a talented filmmaker but ultimately think this is a pretentious annoying project.

Amphibia (2019–2022)

The best show no one's talking about

[10/10 · 6 October 2021]

At the time of this review only the first two seasons have fully come out, so keep that in mind while reading this.

That said, I am blown away by how intriguing and gripping this show is. I had originally put it on thinking I would hate it, but 3 episodes in I realized I can't stop watching.

Amphibia is about a 13 yead old girl named Anne who is transported to Amphibia, a frog fantasy world where she meets Spring, Hop Pop, and Polly whom she goes on adventures with as she tries to get home.

Immediately, it sounds familiar to a lot of kids entertainment (Alice in Wonderland, Coraline, A Wrinkle in Time) but what sets Amphibia apart mainly is the characters themselves. The show really focuses around the four mentioned above characters but what it lacks in quantity, it makes up in quality as it never feels boring to watch them or the story that slowly builds throughout the show.

Amphibia is mainly episodic, but still has a continuous storyline that builds throughout. It generally reserves it "moving the main story along" episodes to the seasons premieres and finales, but it absolutely hits the ball out of the park each time it does with triumphant conclusions and some twists that are really surprising and mature for a show generally aimed at kids.

I understand Amphibia is a show meant for kids, but it's honestly better written the the vast majority of shows meant for adults. The dialogue is memorable and quotable, the characters are lovable and relatable, it knows how to compelling drama when it wants to and still manages to be hilarious along the way.

Amphibia is the best animated show on TV right now and I'm STUNNED not more people are talking about it.

Vacation (I) (2015)

Terrible

[1/10 · 29 January 2016]

"Vacation" is a movie that is a movie that is so bad, I cringe when I see the poster. I hate every moment, character and joke that's in this movie.

I understand the original "Vacation" movies had gross-out humor, but it wasn't to THIS level and it wasn't THIS desperate. There is no build-up of these jokes, no technique! It's the equivalent of a 10 year old who just learned what sex is, and now makes painfully unfunny jokes. I'm not kidding, there are scenes in this movie where Ed Helms wipes off blood with a ball of 30 people's pubes. They spend a minute on Christina Applegate throwing up. Is it funny because she's throwing up? I don't get it. Swimming in Feces? Conservative Chris Hemsworth's fake penis? Cow guts? Pretty funny, huh? NO IT'S NOT, IT'S TERRIBLE!

Now I know what your thinking. "South Park" has a lot of gross-out humor too. Why is something like "South Park" so funny, yet "Vacation" isn't? Because gross-out humor isn't the problem. "South Park" jokes, gross-out or not,come from satire and build-up. You would never see a joke on South Park where something is gross and disgusting just for the sake of being gross and disgusting.

I guess I should talk about the story now, so here it is: Rusty Griswold tries to take his bland wife and annoying children to "Walley World" and shenanigans happen. The End.

This is the worst comedy I've seen since "Grown Ups 2". It's not funny, It's not amusing, it's just terrible.

0.5/10

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

I understand what they were going for, but they didn't pull it off.

[4/10 · 24 January 2016]

"Star Trek the Motion Picture" is definitely not what you'd be expecting from Star Trek. Especially not from it's first release.

"Star Trek The Motion Picture" takes a lot of inspiration from "2001: A Space Odyssey" which is weird considering it came out two years after "Star Wars" and every sci-fi movie (Still kinda to this day) took inspiration from that. I appreciate this movie was trying to be different and intelligent, like "2001: A Space Odyssey" but what they missed was "2001" wasn't genius because it was slow and had lots or artsy pictures, it was because it was Symbolic and it was one of the first movies to show that cinema could be art. But when you just have long shots and boring dialogue, it doesn't make it artsy. It makes it boring.

Of course it has the memorable Star Trek characters we love and they're all great actors, but they're held back by the rest of the movie, which feels like a mess. It's not a terrible movie, but it's still bad.

4/10

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)

Decent

[6/10 · 2 January 2016]

"Star Wars: The Force Awakens" is Decent, but no where near as good as some of the star wars movies. It's not a bad movie, but a big disappointment.

For starters, this movie has way too many similarities to "A New Hope" to the point where it's ridiculous. I'm not joking, it's almost the exact same plot. Even some scenes are shot to be replicas of scene from the original Star Wars. Is this a Reboot or a Remake?!?!

Harrison Ford is one of many returning cast members who just looks old and sad now. The new cast members are pretty good, but nothing incredible. And do we need a third of the dialogue to be Fan-service? Yes, I get it movie, you're trying so desperately to be "A New Hope", can you please get on with it?! And also, that so-called "shocking death" I could see coming a mile away. Anyone with an IQ above -1 will see it coming a mile away.

Now, there are good things to this movie. I like how they didn't use CG for every scene. I mean, we all saw "Transformers" and know how absurd it can look if you just use CG for everything. And like I said before, the acting's pretty good. And the music's just classic.

I'm not saying the is a bad movie, I just wish it could added some new ideas of it's own rather than just copy "A New Hope". We already saw "A New Hope", let's see what the sequel can bring!

6.5/ 10

The Visit (I) (2015)

Mediocre

[5/10 · 30 December 2015]

The Visit by M. Night Shyamalan is Mediocre. I don't think this movie is terrible, but I don't think it's that great either.

Now there are bad things in this movie. The movie tries very desperately to be funny, and stretches jokes out as long as possible. It also has some really horrible gross-out humor. It's also not very scary. Most of the scares are just cheap jump scares, or scares taken out of another movie.

Now there are good parts to this movie too. It does do a good job setting atmosphere and tone. And they are a couple moments that are actually creepy. The acting by the main characters are actually pretty good. This is another Shyamalan movie with a twist ending. The Twist ending is decent but nothing extraordinary.

This isn't the worst movie ever, and from M. Night Shyamalan, who hasn't made a good movie in over a decade, I'd say this is the first step in a welcome return for M. Night Shyamalan. I wouldn't recommend seeing it, but I'd say M. Night Shyamalan is back on track.

5/10

Crimson Peak (2015)

Great Movie

[8/10 · 19 December 2015]

"Crimson Peak" is an awesome film. It's directed by Guillermo Del Toro who previously made the Masterpiece "Pan's Labyrinth", and while I don't think it's nearly as good as Pan's Labyrinth, Crimson Peak is still a great film.

Easily the best part of Crimson Peak is it's visuals. The movie's visuals are enough to keep you entertained through Visual Stimulus alone. I really mean it when I say the production design is absolutely incredible and the use of color over it is some of the best I've ever seen. It's insanely impressive and fits the Artsy Haunted Mansion theme perfectly.

Now, it does have problems. Some plot points aren't explained very well, and there are a couple plot holes I noticed. Here are some examples: There's a scene later in the movie where after Edith realizes that the tea they're giving to her is poisoned, and she refuses to drink it, but continues eating the porridge. As if she didn't think for a second that they probably poisoned the porridge too?

There's another scene where they stab the doctor, and the doctor pulls out the knife from his deep stab wound. Wouldn't the doctor know that you're not supposed to pull it out, because you would leave a gap that now blood will start pouring out faster? Apparently, Tom Hiddleston's character didn't realize this either, because when he get's stabbed in the cheek, he too pulls it out.

But with problems aside, Crimson Peak is still a great movie and one that I would recommend.

8/10

House of the Dead (2003)

Really REALLY bad

[2/10 · 9 December 2015]

After watching this movie twice, I can confirm that this movie is 100%... GARBAGE. I'm not even joking when I say that this is absolutely terrible in every way.

If you don't know what House of the Dead is, Remember that arcade game you played at Dave and Buster's for maybe 20 minutes before you got bored and played something else? Well, Uwe Boll made a movie out of that. If you don't know who Uwe Boll is, he's the director of this movie and widely considered one of the worst directors out there. He's also known for challenging Critics who didn't like he movies to a boxing match.

Anyway, on to "House of the Dead"

I'll spoil the plot of the movie for you. There's a island full of zombies, teenagers go to it and die. The End. Every plot-point that happens in the movie, I could see coming from a mile away. It's the most predictable and basic of Horror movies, and it wasn't scary in the slightest. The characters are so annoying and one-dimensional that even is they actors were any good (which they're not), they still wouldn't be able to pull it off. The writing in this film reminds me of how I used to write movies... when I was seven. The music is horrible. It sounds less like music and more like inconsistent noise.

Overall, this is a horrible film and one of many horrible films made by Uwe Boll.

2/10