No, I'm not overexaggerating for dramatic effect. Don't believe me? Well then join me nonbelievers on my journey into madness as I attempt to explain what I just watched.
The most disappointing aspect of this episode is that somehow in this trash fire, I didn't get bingo. I guess two out of three ain't bad, but still. Yikes! The fact that this episode somehow found a whole new way to suck despite me covering the different levels of suckage pretty thoroughly on my bingo card is baffling!
Red Death's Rogues are creating a Cosmic Treadmill. Firstly, how does Barry know how to create a Cosmic Treadmill off the top of his head when they still haven't built one in the present day? And secondly, why are we seeing flashbacks to things we saw two episodes ago? We know who Captain Boomerang is, and we know that he stole a battery from that Portable Particle Accelerator. We don't need to be reminded of this every few seconds! TikTok Brain hasn't affected us that badly yet!
So Barry assembles a new team of Rogues to steal the engine before Red Death's Rogues can. They do this because they need to shut down four power generators simultaneously to shut off a meta dampener so that Barry can phase into the vault the engine is being kept in, and four unique skill sets are required for the job. This concept would work if Barry didn't have Flashtime as a power. He even used it casually during the season 8 premiere "Armageddon, Part 1", so I have no idea why that's not an option. Or here's another idea, Barry can do that lightning explosion thing and hit all four generators by himself. The writers love making him throw lightning as if he didn't spend an entire episode learning to do that in season 2, and it's something he's also done casually when he blew up Caitlin's apartment in the episode "The Curious Case of Bartholomew Allen". Or even better yet, Barry can just call up Superman and have him ask General Lane for the engin-- Oh right, Todd Helbing retconned Superman and Lois out of the Arrowverse. Well okay, I guess that's the only option that's off the table. But seriously, the writers never give a reason why Barry can't easily do this by himself. And no, "because there's a meta dampener in the room" is not an answer as I'll explain later. Because then the episode can't happen? Well crap, you got me there.
So Barry assembles a team of Dollar Store Captain Cold, Hartley Rathaway aka an actual cool character, the Hotness and Goldface. Not only are two of these guys wanted criminals, but they all hate each other for... Reasons, and a fight almost breaks out. So Barry scraps the plan and says they're all gonna follow his lead, and then suddenly they don't hate each other anymore and vote Barry out of the plan. YOU WERE ALL AT EACH OTHERS THROATS NOT THREE SECONDS AGO!! WHAT HAPPENED!!
*inhale* *exhale* *inhale* *exhale* Sorry about that. My therapist told me that getting angry about stupid things on the Flash is bad for my health.
But seriously, all of the sudden they're just all cool with each other? Why? How come they're not arguing anymore? Because then the episode can't happen? Well crap, you got me there.
And there are definitely better people to get for the job than this. How about Barry goes to get *actual* Captain Cold from some other point in the timeline? He's done that before during the season 3 episode "Infantino Street", and Snart did reform and become a better person because of Barry, so you'd think that would be a smart idea. Snart's even proven to be a genius in his own right since he made his own modifications and upgrades to the cold gun as proven in the season 2 episode "Running to Stand Still". But I guess getting Snart requires Wentworth Miller being willing to come back, and he said he'll only do it if the right story comes along. Once you've played the "time traveling to get help from Snart" card though, you gotta find some reason that card's not on the table anymore instead of relying on the liability that is Chillblaine.
Or instead of stealing the device at all, how about Barry just runs around the entire city searching for the Red Death's Rogues' hideout like he searched the entire city for the Trickster's bomb in the season 1 episode "Tricksters"? Because then the episode can't happen? Well crap, you got me there.
So the new Rogues are about to break into the DoD, and Barry shows up and outs himself as the Flash. (Well, technically he gets outed by the Hotness, but he went there with intentions to reveal his identity, so I'm counting it.) You know that joke people say about how many people know Barry's secret identity? Yeah, well add another wanted criminal to the list. I guess the Hotness knowing isn't that big of a deal (outside of the possibility of him slipping up at any point), but you'd think Goldface knowing would be a huge deal! The guy has a vendetta against Barry specifically for tricking him in the season 5 episode "Goldfaced", and the Flash got him locked up on at least one occasion! Why on god's green earth would Barry think telling him would help his case at all? Because then the episode can't happen? Well crap, you got me there.
Also, and I'm just thinking of this now, when the Rouges ask Barry why he needs the generators shut down to just unlock the vault, why doesn't he just say "As a distraction"? Sure, it'll probably put them in an even worse mood than before, but at least he doesn't tell known criminal Goldface his secret identity that way. Why not use that as an excuse? Because then the episode can't happen? Well crap, you got me there.
So when the heist actually happens, each person goes to disable their generators, and once they're shut down Barry phases into the vault and grabs the engine. Except... Both Goldface and the Hotness are metas. If Barry can't use his powers, why can they use theirs? Because then the episode can't happen? Well crap, you got me there.
And then Red Death's Rogues show up, and while it is cool that they pit the deaf one up against Pied Piper, these fight sequences are laughable! The cgi on the boomerangs being reflected by Goldface's chain looks terrible, the firefight between the Fiddler and the Hotness is terribly shot since they're both in such close quarters, and Hartley gets flipped to the ground by getting hit in the arm! And I'm not even worried about Hartley dying since he's fighting someone he literally can't mouth off too! And if Hartley's gonna die, he's gonna go out mouthing off to someone! Long gone are the days of James Bamford and Walter Garcia it seems, because I can't find some good fight choreography anywhere!
Also, they clearly cover up the stunt guy's entire face with Hartley's hood in one shot, and no it wasn't as clever as they thought it was.
And let's not even mention that when Red Death shows up, she's able to completely shut down Barry's speed. When the other three Negative Forces were all present in the same room, they were only able to *partially dampen* Barry's powers as shown by the episode "Negative, Part One", but the *Avatar* of the Negative Speed Force is able to completely shut his powers down. Never mind that Red Death didn't even need to show up because her Rogues carry teleporters on them (though this episode's opening scene implies that they stopped doing that for some reason), I'm just confused as to why the writers keep retconning in these new powers! Because then the episode can't happen? Well crap, you got me there.
And then at the end of the episode, we see Javicia Leslie getting up in Dollar Store Captain Cold's face, and she says "I am vengeance." Now, I see what they were going for. That's a pretty iconic Batman line, so using it to introduce a character that's canonically a Batman doppelganger is actually a smart idea. However... Are we sure that was her best take of saying that line? Are we really sure? Because I found it hysterical! No joke, this was, to my memory at least, the first time I've ever busted out laughing because what I was watching was so bad! And what's with her hair being half black and half white! And just the framing of this scene in general! Every single thing is working against this scene in the most hilarious way possible!
And I can't help but feel like Stephen Amell would've delivered this line a lot better, and he probably wouldn't have even needed to try that hard. Seriously, Stephen Amell doing his signature mumble-growl and saying "I am vengeance" would've *instantly* had the impact that scene was going for!
Also, and this is probably a nitpick, I think I know my issues with the Red Death armor. I definitely think this thing would've worked better as a sleeker suit similar to that of Zoom from season 2. But if you're dead set on making an armored suit, I think the eyes should've been a little wider, the shoulder pads a lot smaller, and the chest a lot flatter. I understand wanting the Red Death logo to light up like it does in the comics, but that definitely could've been accomplished with some pinkish white coloring and an airbrush. The Red Death armor just looks so boxy in its current form, and it doesn't look very threatening as a result. Zoom's suit from season 2 is a great example of how to make a slimmer suit threatening, and conceptually Red Death could've had an even more threatening version of it. But I guess we're stuck with Zoom At Home.
Wow this episode was bad. This was essentially just "Because then the episode can't happen? Well crap, you got me there.": The episode! And the result is that this just wasn't a fun episode. If you enjoyed this episode, that's fine. But to me, this was without question the single worst episode of The Flash in years.
1 / 10.
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