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Avatar (2009)
4/10
Avatar (spoiler alerts)
20 October 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Ah, the two and a half hour film that seems to have a huge following, and is often given respect for apparently being an original film and a completely artistic achievement from a director who specializes in the technical. For those of you who are expecting me to give this film a good review I suggest you leave now because that is not what is happening here. Instead of getting this artistic achievement form a talented director we are instead given a re-hash of better films like Dances With Wolves, with a healthy dose of Fern Gully and a few rip-offs from some not so very well known stories those being Call Me Joe in which a paralyzed character remote controls an alien avatar with his mind, and the Noon Universe with a story taking place on a planet called Pandora with an alien species called the Nave. Hmm this seems to be bordering on plagiarism doesn't it? But oh well no one will care. The story is your basic love the trees and hate the militaristic, colonizing and resource abusing nature of modern man fare. Complete with the disgruntled modern main character who goes in and meets members of this 'savage' species, meets a girl of this group, she shows him all the beauty of nature (something anyone on this planet wouldn't need explaining to see, seriously if this movie achieves anything it looks damn good) and of course he falls for her and joins in their cause.

Yes we've seen this before, it's not a bad story but it has been done better, the last notable version of this old tale is Edward Zwick's Last Samurai, a story in which Tom Cruise (of course a disgruntled modern man) joins forces with the samurai after staying with them as a prisoner. What worked about that story was the fact that it wasn't completely pretentious like Avatar, and there were multiple messages, there was of course the love nature bit, but also it wasn't exactly shinning the concept of modernization like this or Dances with Wolves, instead it focused more on honor, respect and not letting new flashy things make you forget who you really are underneath. All of this is missing in Avatar, and the further I got into the movie the more I felt Cameron's intentions with the films message weren't so honest. It seems instead he was trying to create a Star Wars for a new generation, something he seems to have succeeded in that respect everyone is buying into it, it's extremely over-hyped mostly because it's prettier than everything else out on the market.

But beyond all of that the 3-D vs.2-D experience is no different, okay so maybe an object flying towards the screen will be more noticeable, but that's about it, that's pretty much all the capabilities of 3-D, some things pop-up but it never gives the sense of immersion that say, a video game would. You still don't feel like a part of the film, now all we're doing is watching a really well animated moving pop-up book, with extremely bad dialogue 'they'll eat your eyes for jujubes' is my all time favorite shitty line of mainstream cinema history, yes other movies have worse dialogue it's just funny to see writing that horrible in a movie being taken so seriously and being praised like this one.

So what did I get out of Avatar, nothing it was a pretty movie, it had high-concept that could have been good but failed, and it's anti-commercialism story could have been better had someone with writing talent actually written the script, and of course there's the overtly cheesy dialogue, and character arcs. I find nothing wrong with using archetypal characters, after all and archetypal story as old as film itself isn't the same without the archetypes, the only problem is they come off as sort of unintentional parodies of what they are, we get the overtly pulp Colonel Miles, the overtly Native American quibbles of Neytiri, and the over the top heroics and acts of daring of Jake. Another problem with films like these though is they always throw in the white guy, it's not until he comes that the Na'vi actually start kicking major military ass, and of course he's some sort of prophetic savior because you know they couldn't do it without him. That was another major success of Last Samurai; we never get the feeling that Cruise's presence really makes any deep impact in the battle against Japan's change into Western culture. We get the feeling that the Samurai would face pretty much the same fate with or without him, instead he's just there, he's no extreme bad-ass who changes the course of events for the people he's decided to join, instead he just basically becomes another statistic, an extra man on the battlefield. He may survive the story but there is no major differentiating outcome, he pleads to the emperor of Japan and heads back to the little village he spent an entire winter in, to more than likely die from the wounds he received during the films climactic battle. We never get that here; we feel that the Na'vi was instead a completely incompetent species up until Jake arrives to help them out. Yeah they're still dangerous as hell outside of all the military gear, but that point is rendered moot when any excavation into that jungle consists of a few military vehicles and some pretty impenetrable big rig machinery.

As it stands, Avatar is an extremely pretty movie, void of soul or substance, and will be remembered as one of the first films to actually use 3-D well. Which is pretty much the sole reason it's so huge, as today's mainstream audiences buy into things that are pretty.
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4/10
Boring, uneventful and cheap. (spoilers)
5 December 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I really don't see how anyone found this movie disturbing in any way. The scare moments are either way too predictable or the characters just act in such an idiotic fashion that the scene loses its suspense and it all becomes a laughable endeavor into the unknown abyss of demonic hunting's.

I will give the film credit, at least it had an original idea and an interesting premise, but it just doesn't work with the characters and their completely moronic ideas and their reactions to the situation at hand, the guy thinks he's fixing everything with a camera and baby powder and she thinks inviting experts over (who by the way openly admits that it pisses the demon off) will fix the problem.

Also the ending, I know some people may not have seen the movie, so hopefully they don't read this. But what's the point in trying to have this realistic gritty horror movie and then suddenly girl gets possessed yada, yada, yada, and attacks the camera before credits roll. Yes because possessed crazy demon women attack cameras on a whim, it was a last shot at another cheap scare, and the audience I was so lucky to see this movie with were surprised and startled at a scene that was so obviously going to happen.

I don't have much else to say about this movie other than that if you're lover of horror and you want a good scare you can do better than going to see this film. Rent Exorcist or Jacob's Ladder or something, get a movie that actually messes with your head and makes you think, cause this, well lets just say it doesn't cut it. Jump scares were old when they were first implemented into film.
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Alien 3 (1992)
7/10
Not as bad as one would think.
27 November 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Both the original cut and the AC versions of this film aren't as horrible as people would like to think. Yes there is one major plot hole (how the hell did that egg end up there and how did it impregnate the dog/ox) However the movie itself plot hole aside wasn't half bad, the characters were all really good, Ripley's character development was great and her personality was much darker, and with good reason, everything she loved was lost because of the damn aliens. Though all of the characters are y chromo rapists, and murderers doesn't mean you can't care about them, especially Dutton's character, that moment when he decides to stay and hold the alien at bay to protect Ripley was just well played and added to the drama and loss of this character who earlier stated he was 'a murderer and rapist of women' and is now sacrificing himself to keep one alive.

However there are some gaping problems in this movie that I won't cover because, well everyone knows what those problems are (no not the death of Hicks and Newt it wasn't that bad they died) But the films director should not be the one held responsible for allegedly ruining the franchise (something I think resurrection did) they threw him onto the film and began having them shoot it without a script. Everything Fincher wanted was tossed aside by Fox, hence the reason the guy despises this film and won't do any commentary or interviews based on the movie.
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8/10
Not Bad
20 March 2009
It's not the perfect movie, it has it's moments of just horrid dialogue and acting, but I mean c'mon this takes me back to the times when I was a kid watching the old eighties fantasy classics like Legend. It's just a fantasy movie, it's not trying to be LOTR and I have to say if this was something directed by someone other than Boll but it turned out the same, the reviews would be a lot better in that alternate universe. At least give Boll credit, this one is a step above his other crap like House of the Dead or the horrible Alone in the Dark, he's maturing as a director and this movie is that proof, it's not a big leap forward but hopefully the man can get it one day. I found the movie entertaining, it was a little more original than I thought, the whole time I watched this I didn't think once that I was watching a cheap rip off of LOTR I just felt like I was taken back to a simpler time when fantasy movies didn't need to be as artsy and Oscar worthy as LOTR.
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1/10
Crap... Utter Crap
13 March 2009
Okay so we have yet another remake that fails to attempt anything beyond your standard slasher flick. Let's see we have your stereotypical drunk teens, a crazy guy with a mask and a knife, the token black and Asian guys, the cheesy love triangle between two main characters, the asshole jock kid who turns out to be a pansy, and of course lots of uninspired death scenes, and a couple sex scenes for good measure. There you go the whole of the movie, every slasher cliché is present and accounted for, so when you go watch this be prepared for two hours of crap you've seen before. I have this to say, if you want to make or re-make slasher flicks give it to Rob Zombie, he's perfect for it, I mean look what he did with Halloween he gave it depth and story, made it interesting and hell he even threw in a couple clichés to stay true to the genre. All in all don't waste time or money on this, it should be buried somewhere and left to rot.
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8/10
A decent sequel
7 January 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Many people found Anderson's vision something of a let down. Predator fans complained that he gave the upper hand to the alien, alien fans complained how the birthing and maturing process of the alien was sped up a lot. However the film nonetheless stays true to its origins comes into the classics of the series and walks away humbly.

Spoilers: First off the movie though PG-13 still retains the elements of the series we don't need massive amounts of gore to get the effect and thing is bot the alien and predator movies were actual pretty subtle with the gore, I've seen other PG-13 movies that had more gore than the original alien and predator movies. It focuses on Charles Bishop Weyland and his discovery of a pyramid that has the elements of three ancient cultures and could possibly be the first pyramid ever built. At one time humans worshiped the predators as gods and as a way into adult hood the predators utilized the humans to birth aliens so they can begin a hunt. The aliens however have a faster life cycle which was one major let down but the rest of the film sticks with what made the others great, a long lead up to the any of the action, characters who are somewhat well developed and that you kind of care about. People die but not for just the sake of dying the deaths seem natural and you care when a character goes. The predator as well is given more emotion, showing the ways of the species. He joins forces with our main character a somewhat sub in for the Sigourney Weaver role and they form a somewhat awkward bond. Action ensues and some really kick ass moments happen. With this film Anderson has outdone himself making a great homage to the series and creating an interesting prequel that expands the mythology. It may take place on earth but it's in Antarctica and by the end it seems no one not even our heroine makes it out alive so no one gets to figure out about the aliens. Adding to that I'd like to say of course the alien was given the upper hand if anyone read the books or comics a predator could not face an alien with his bare hands hence the reason the predators had their asses handed to them up until Scar gets the plasma caster. According the book series only one predator took an alien on barehanded and walked out alive and he lost one of the husks due to it. I know my mythology on both series and happily say this films keeps true to its source material and is a far better film than Resurrection was, c'mon what was with the baby at the end that was some really cheestastic crap.
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Sin City (2005)
6/10
A beautiful work of art, a flawed film
5 January 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Sin City? Well lets just say this movie had a lot going for it, beautiful cinematography, great effects, and A list of actors, and Quentin Tarantino as a guest director. What happens however is a jumbled mix of noir and an over the top style attitude that Japanese anime seems realistic.

First off the acting; what happened here, it's too over the top they tried to go hard boiled noir but it came out as something different. Not a single character had the subtly of classic noir actors like Robert Mitchum it's just a jumbled mess of wanna be laced dialogue that a fifth grader seems to have written.

Cheesy lines, one dimensional characters who are the perfect cardboard cutouts of clichéd action stars. And the sad thing is the film is so highly praised, proof that our standard audiences aren't watching film for the art, the characters, any of that just action about as over the top as dodging bullets from the Matrix.

Guys with golden eyes, big guns, lots of no, no coherent plot in any of the tales, no development it's just a mess of a film. It's pretty to look at but everything else just goes way over. This isn't a movie that fits into the genre it's homaging or whatever it's just chock full of crap, on top of crap.

Throwing all the bad aside the film is watchable and enjoyable if you shut your brain down for a couple hours, forget that this is supposed to be a noir film and just enjoy it for what it is, a mindless but very pretty action flick.
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Max Payne (2001 Video Game)
The best piece of art to grace any console
26 December 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Possible spoilers.

Max Payne is storytelling at its finest. At it's heart the story is noir for anyone who knows anything about the genre. Max is no hero, he doesn't have morals or codes, as he said he didn't ask for this crap everything had been reduced to a singular course, him the gun and the crook.

After losing his family to the hands of some junkies high on a new designer drug valkyr (V) Max becomes a shell. A recluse of his past self motivated only thru finding some clue to lead him closer to the answers he's seeking. Three years after their deaths during the worst winter storm in New York history he finally gets a break in the case. He goes undercover and infiltrates the worst mafia family in New York. Closer to the clues then ever Max meets up with his partner DEA special agent Alex Balder, whom is murdered by an unknown perpetrator leaving Max to take the fall. With his cover blown the mob is now out for his blood, and after taking the fall for Alex's death Max also has New York's finest on his tale.

So is the set up for Max Payne, and many twists and turns ensue and throughout the game it seems there is no one Max can trust. With dialog and narration laced highly in good old poetic noir prose, sequences of violence, and some of the most artistic ideas in cinema, novels, or art itself Max Payne stands above all competitors with art, story, character, emotion, and just about everything else. The game that proved video games aren't just mindless violence with no story still holds strong today, it's just too bad the film counterpart couldn't reach the status of the game.
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Max Payne (2008)
8/10
The best adaption so far
21 October 2008
So Max Payne wasn't sheer perfection like I wanted. But still give the movie credit, it takes the darkness and grit from the game and uses it to full perfection for the movie. There were a lot of missing elements but we can't expect a perfect adaptation of a video game, I mean I would have loved to see it resemble the game a little more closely but what they did was good enough for me. The plot was far better than those of the standard vid game movie and the acting and characters were more rounded and not as flat as say Alice was in the Resident Evil movies.

Mark Wahlberg plays a great Max Payne and any doubts for me were dropped the moment the film started, he brings Max to life and yeah I miss the old smiley constipated Sam Lake version of Max with James McCaffrey's voice but Mark makes it work. Mila Kunis proves her ability to act though she was miscast she doesn't fit the femme fatale role of Mona and Ludicrous playing Jim Bravura wasn't exactly that bad, his music sucks but his acting is pretty decent. The rest of the cast do what they need to and say their lines fine.

Also the style the film was shot in was stylistic and entertaining to watch every scene was sheer poetry.

All in all it wasn't horrible and has proved itself a better adaptation than the other video game movies we have out.
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Too Young to Be a Dad (2002 TV Movie)
3/10
Horrible horrible mediocrity
15 August 2008
I had been subjected to this movie for a relationship class in my school. As figured it was nothing captivating and nothing new. Though it tries to be original by focusing on the teen father instead of the mother showing the problems that the dad would go through. It had an interesting side to it but it just doesn't live up to its originality due to the fact nothing else in this movie was original. We have the main character who has the older sister who like in every other movie like this has a thing against him, we have the stay at home mother who expects too much and when he gives more she feels offended and leaves him in the dust, then we have the father who is always gone. Then the girls side we have the parents who want everything and expect her to be perfect at all she does. On to the story like I said it was interesting but the lack of good acting from the entire cast and the lack of any good writing or storytelling. Everything about this fell into cliché the little nerd kid in school starts studying with girl, they get together, have sex and then boom we have a little kid. Perhaps it could've been better had the writing been well better and had the acting been improved I've seriously gotten more emotion out of Leatherface and his chainsaw than I did out of any actor in this film and that's pretty bad seeing as the Leatherface movies are crap and horridly acted. So far the only interesting teen pregnancy movie I've seen was Juno. So far the comical side of this serious situation has proved more entertaining while still giving the same message. Like I said the idea was original most of these films focus on the teen mother but this one chose not to instead it focuses on the drama of the father but again the originality does not save this movie from mediocrity. I really hope someone decides to either re-make this movie with a better cast and a better writer or just make another similar film because this one was wasted potential.
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The Invisible (2007)
9/10
Brilliant Movie
15 August 2008
I never got the chance to see this film in theaters in all actuality I never really wanted to watch it the preview made me think it was another one of those campy American horror flicks or something like another Gothika. So here I am today having decided to watch it and man was I surprised. The movie was completely something fresh and new. It was a movie with depth and great characters, both something Hollywood doesn't seem to have these days. It was a well written movie and if you didn't seem to like it and claim it confusing than obviously you don't have the intelligence to understand this kind of movie. Not once in this film was I confused and not once did I feel like my time was wasted. Being a teen film I expected badly of it seeing how most teenie films these days turn out as crap with stereotypical characters and cliché plot lines. This however was just a great film with a mature complex plot. I don't want to give away any of the movie for it has to be seen. So on that note I end this review by saying this was an excellent movie and one I will not forget.
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9/10
Great Film
14 August 2008
First off I'd like to comment that this film though having historical inaccuracies is still a damn good film. It's entertainment not a documentary not once did anyone say this was based on a true story. Also being upset over the central character's turning his back on America shouldn't be so upsetting along with claiming he's against Christianity, um enough with throwing religion into this movie for all we know before the character was imprisoned perhaps he was Jewish instead they never show his religious beliefs at any point during this film.

Onto the film it's a modern day epic and does a better job than most films Hollywood has attempted to throw out. Yes the story is rather cliché and it gets cliché at times but again it's entertainment and it's a film trying to go back to the old day epics. The story is great along with the acting. A well written modern epic that captures what was great about the great films of the past and adds a few newer things to keep it somewhat original. I'd give it a 10 but the lack of originality and the many clichés take it down a notch.
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Alien: Resurrection (2000 Video Game)
8/10
An underrated masterpiece.
12 July 2008
First off this underrated game gets much more credit than it deserves. Though the graphics themselves were sub par to say the least even for the PS1 days and considering it came out three years after the movie on which it is based you'd think the game would have some better graphics.

But the graphics aren't where it's at with this game. It's the tension it creates. Making the choice not to add a soundtrack to the game was a bold move for the developers but the final product just added more to the tension. Instead they used ambient sounds, from the horrible sounds of members of the ship crew meeting their demise, to the creaking sounds of the ship itself the sound is well done. Leaving a constant sense of unease and fear and creating a truly cinematic gaming experience. The action gets intense and even the moments of pure silence are intense in their own right cause you never know what's around that corner.

Now to get to the reason this game didn't get a perfect 10. One the control scheme is just bad it takes time to get used to and even when you're used to it, it will cause many unfair deaths. The characters never run instead they just kind of walk making it about impossible to outrun your enemies while you try to find a little extra ammo to take them down again causing unfair deaths and more frustration. All in all it was a good game, but falls short of perfection due to flaws that are impossible to look past.
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Silent Hill (2006)
10/10
Best VG movie adaption and good film on its own merit.
12 July 2008
Of all the video game to movie films that have come out this is the best. All the other ones were pure crap. This movie however captures the spirit of the game and throws in the dark drama the series contains. Staying true to the series the director does everything right using camera angles, the music from the games, and keeping the creatures and all else as true to the game as possible.

Purely dark, moody, dramatic, and disturbing. This movie stands above all other horror movies by not following clichés and by doing something different. Nowadays we have horror movies always about a group of backpackers (always teens) out on vacation the meet some weirdo murderers sex, violence, and lots of gore is what usually ensues. Not in this movie they keep tension, human drama, and yes it still contains gore, but it's not gory and violent for the sake of being exploitive it fits the story being told. All in all a great movie and shows that when a VG to movie is done right it can be something truly amazing. A ten out of ten, for direction, set design, acting, writing, special effects, and staying true to the series on which it is based.
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1/10
Why, god why?
12 July 2008
As a huge fan of the movies (and a fan of the first AVP) this movie was a major disappointment. It's not even close to being better than the first AVP in any way. The direction was horrible, the acting was horrible, the plot was horrible, the special effects were horrible. This movie is the kind of stuff Uwe Boll directs. The Brothers Strause are just as horrible at directing as he is. I wonder how these guys seriously get hired to do these movies; how can a corporation like Fox let these guys ruin a classic series? I can not display my major disappointment with this movie it was a depressing film to watch and turned a classic series into a B movie.

Spoilers: Yes they brought back the gore the first was missing but they made it too cheesy. Seriously the alien acid was overexagerated in Aliens Hicks gets sprayed with some acid on his arm and it of course burns through but he still has an arm. In this some guy gets a little splatter of acid and his arm falls off. The gore wasn't good it turned the movie into something more comical than serious and what was with the birthing scene, that was probably one of the cheesiest scenes I've ever seen in any film in my life.

A classic movie ruined Resurrection was bad but it was watchable and at least held interest this movie just doesn't hold anything at all.
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