DeadSetMisawa Reviews

Shadow of the Colossus (2005 Video Game)

The Best Game I Have Played This Year

[10/10 · 12 December 2006]

So the premise is that you play as a character that goes around and attempts to defeat these sixteen colossi in order to save a girl. And that's all he does? Nothing else? Sounds simple, and yet, there is much substance to be found in Shadow of the Colossus. I know this game is older now, but I just got around to playing it about a month ago. I can safely say that this is the best game that I have played all year and the only one that has made me sit down for up to five or six straight hours. Time absolutely flew out the window, that's how captivated and intrigued I was.

You play as Wander, and with your faithful companion and horse Agro, you traverse a vast and beautiful landscape, which is rich with almost every kind of landscape you can think of, and buildings that are marvels of architecture. There are times when all you do is ride for about ten to fifteen minutes, just trying to get to one place. Sounds boring, and believe me, I thought it would be, but it isn't one bit. You'll find yourself just looking around as the scenery changes and even stopping a few times to take a good look around at the marvelous land.

But like I said, the whole objective is seeking out and defeating these sixteen colossi, and that is where the true fun begins. Some are giants (and by giant, I mean like you can barely see their head if you're looking up), some take to the air and some to the sea. No matter the shape and size of the magnificent beast, each one of the battles is breathtaking, and I found myself fighting some of them for an excess of a half hour. It brings the term 'battle' to a whole new level that a video game rarely sees. And because of the story, you'll actually find yourself feeling bad for some of these colossi.

All in all, like I said, the game is incredible. To paraphrase something that another user said, 'if you're a video game fan, you absolutely have to play this game. and if you don't play games, you should still play this game.' It's just an experience that you may not find in a game for a long time.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

Could Have Been Great, Settle For Decent

[6/10 · 12 December 2006]

I think my opinion on this film may be a little biased, for one particular reason. I just don't think Will Ferrell is that funny. I think he is funny to the capacity where he is great at bit or supporting roles. For instance, I liked his character in Old School before he became the Tank again and reverted back to his old ADD ways that somehow got him fame on Saturday Night Live. So for me, I just don't and probably will never see him, as a great comic.

Having said that, there were parts in this movie that were incredibly funny, most of them involving other characters, specifically those of John C Reilly and Sacha Baron Cohen's. Oh there were parts where Mr. Bobby had some great lines or moments, but half the time he would inevitably stretch out the joke for another two or three minutes until you feel like yelling 'NEXT SCENE!'. Then again, I'm sure some people enjoy that style of his so this probably won't apply to you.

Still, these moments, thankfully, are made up for by the aforementioned supporting cast and by Ferrell keeping himself in check sometimes. Yes, he actually let's other people steal some scenes, which I didn't know he was capable of, but he did and it was very beneficial to the flow of the movie and establishment of certain characters. All in all, it's a good movie with some laughs to pass the time. If you enjoyed Anchorman, you will most likely enjoy this.

Date Movie (2006)

Two out of Six IS bad...very, very bad.

[1/10 · 25 November 2006]

The Scary Movie franchises might be the same old stuff every time, but you could usually find some genuine laughs in all four of them, even if they recycle the same jokes. Both the Wayans' and Zucker made their movies unique to their own style, and on most levels, they each panned out to where you can enjoy them if you just turn your brain off and smile.

Unfortunately, with this movie, that luxury does not exist. It really, really, does not exist. I'm going to take a guess and say that the two of the six writers from the Scary Movie series that took on this project, were the ones who had the luxury of writing the most obvious jokes from the film series (i.e. the 'i've taken balls to the face before' line from Scary Movie 4).

Unfortunately for everyone, or maybe fortunately if you think my writing or opinion is crap, I can't give this a full review. What I can do though, is honestly state that this is the only movie in the past few years that I have purposely turned off. Oh yes, I sat through Phat Girlz, and yes, I sat through Kangaroo Jack. This one, however, I just could not muster up the strength to make it. I got maybe a half hour in before I just walked away.

If you're a parent, or are around a child of about ten-twelve years old, imagine every joke that you have heard from that child, and you've pretty much got the script of this movie. And unless said child is a miniature George Carlin, you know that is a bad sign. You can see every joke coming about ten miles away. Even if you know what movie they're about to make fun of, you can still accurately guess which parts they will be parodying, and I use that term very loosely. Not only is this movie obvious in its attempts at mustering up laughter, it's sometimes just painful to watch because the jokes are so rehashed that you might find it uncomfortable to view because you know that at the time, these people actually thought this would be a good idea.

Rest Stop (2006 Video)

Well Disguised Crap

[1/10 · 25 November 2006]

So when I first saw the trailer for this movie, it looked as if it could be either a run of the mill horror movie, or maybe it'll have something of merit. Usually you can spot which movies are going to be bombs or are just flat out laughable (i.e. House of the Dead). But sometimes in life, there are a few movies that creep up on you, and no matter how bad you think it will get, it manages to get worse...with every single minute that passes.

Think of every single horror movie cliché that you can think of, including ones for straight up slasher flicks and some that might have more supernatural connotations. Usually you'll find one or the other, but FUN FUN, in this one, you'll find both! And no, they do not mix. They really, really, really, do not mix.

The acting was standard for horror movie, not too many complaints...until former child star Joey (I mean, Joseph) Lawrence showed up. When this happens, prepare yourselves for the biggest display of overacting this side of a Nicolas Cage action flick. Other things you can look out for in this movie are people who take 20 minutes to die, a main character who may or may not be strung out on LSD, a family in a trailer where every member of the family has a particular 'quirk', and of course, stupidity. What stupidity you might ask? Well, the kind of stupidity where your killer has his back turned to you, whilst your holding a gun and perfectly capable of using it, and just kind of stare at him as if he just farted.

So yeah, do yourselves a favor and wait until this comes on TV at like 2 AM one night. I'm sure it'll pop up on Sci-Fi channel soon enough, because if you spend any money in procuring this movie, you have been ripped off. Even if it's not your own money. Don't be fooled by the snazzy looking cover or promises of a 'gripping suspenseful thrill-ride'. It's just well disguised crap.

Snakes on a Train (2006 Video)

Oh yes, this movie exists...why? I'm still not sure.

[2/10 · 24 August 2006]

"SHUT THE FRONT DOOR" That's what I said when I was told that Blockbuster got a new movie in called Snakes on a Train. Okay, maybe that's not exactly what I said, but you get the point. I didn't need to know who was in the movie, or anything else. All I knew was that I am renting this movie.

I probably should have asked what it was about though. In retrospect, I don't know if I would have really wanted to watch a movie about a Mayan curse that causes a woman to give internal birth to snakes and have them spit out of her mouth. Nor would I want to see a movie that features a guy who looks strangely enough like a pedophilic version of Leif Garrett.

Anyways, while the curse might be interesting on some levels (well, maybe not), there was still promise of these annoying characters getting eaten or at the very least, killed by snakes. So I was willing to sit through the first hour of very little happening other than a Texas Ranger forcing a girl into a nice little titty grope so she can keep her cocaine, or the Hispanic shaman that likes to occasionally stab people. But then, all hell broke loose, and the girl started to spit out more and more snakes.

*SPOILER ALERT* So everything's going well at the end, and I'm willing to overlook the fact that some of these snakes all of the sudden turned out to be 25 feet long. After all, people are getting eaten, so it's all good. But then all of the sudden, and I'm not going to tell you how because that would ruin the best part, one of the snakes is about 300 feet long. Then it proceeds to squeeze and devour the train, with all the graphic artistry of Serpentaur from the old GI Joe cartoons. Unfortunately, I could not make a Nemesis Enforcer connection with this movie. Anyways, so you would think that a snake that big, who ate a train, would be pretty unstoppable. Well not if you know your Mayan voodoo rocks and have the ability to summon tornadoes from heaven. Yeah, that's all I'll say about that.

In short, this movie is bad. Really bad to the point where you might be numb after watching this, or your brain might hurt. I didn't give this a one, because no matter how stupid it was, it still wasn't as bad as Date Movie. So if you like camp or badly constructed B horror movies, this is the one for you. If you think this will actually be cool like its bigger, more infamous brethren, just walk away from the box if you see it. And I'll leave you with a quote from the movie that should basically sum it all up.

"Snakes can't get on a train!" Because that's just silly. Not like they make stops or anything....

The Malibu Beach Vampires (1991)

Straight From the Depths of Hell

[1/10 · 11 September 2004]

....is where I'm assuming this movie came from. I mean, I've watched plenty of B movies over the course of my young life so far, and I wouldn't even classify this as a B movie. I remember seeing films in my high school mass media class that surpass this one.

So the premise is...a bunch of dancing numbers and goofy crap happens. Women in bikinis, who aren't even that great looking to begin with, dance in the beginning and sing. Guys with hairy chests show up and girls with fangs who are out in the sunlight. I mean, I can barely put together a cohesive sentence just thinking about this movie. According to most people on this site, Manos the Hands of Fate and Pod People are the worst movies (MST3K classics :-D)...I used to be one of them. Then I saw this movie. Usually I don't try to trash a movie too much, but the people who made this really do deserve it. It is THAT bad and THAT unbearable, and I'm assuming the director or an actor in the movie is the only person who rated this a ten.

Evil Dead II (1987)

Best Horror-Comedy I've ever seen

[11 September 2004]

Yep, its my opinion that this movie may be the best horror-comedy ever. Just a tad better than its predecessor, the first Evil Dead introduced the world to the warped mind of Sam Raimi, and a new master of physical comedy in the young Bruce Campbell. It was cheaply done, cheaply acted and looked cheesy...yet it was brilliant. There wasn't really too much comedy in the first one until the last half hour really, but was a lot scarier than most movies that are supposed to make the audience tremble with fear (i.e. Darkness Falls).

Then, the second one came. A tad less frightening, a tad less disturbing, but hell of a lot funnier. It was almost a perfect mix of macabre images and silly humor, and is probably the closest thing to it to this date (let's see if Shaun of the Dead is up to the test). There are scenes that I will still remember, no matter how long it's been since I've seen the movie.

What might be considered it's biggest flaw in the cheap special effects might be it's redeeming quality. With CGI getting shoved down our throats at every turn in an action movie, it's nice to see those cheesy effects which made the 80's horror movies so funny at times. And I'm not too sure if bullet time would have worked with scenes such as the guy getting thrown head first into a tree trunk. And quite frankly, I'm glad I never will.

8/10

Shrek 2 (2004)

Disappointing

[1 June 2004]

Two or three years ago, when the first Shrek came out, it was indeed a very entertaining movie. All the characters were decent enough to not be annoying and Monseiur Hood was probably one of the funniest things I've seen in a cartoon in a while. So Shrek 2 is going to be as good, even better right? Right...?

I kept saying that to myself as the movie rolled along, but alas, nothing happened. While I laughed and chuckled a few times during the first one, I only remember laughing slightly once during this one. Not even the supposedly hysterical Puss in Boots could make me smile. Yes they did to this one what make the Mummy sequel so goddamn unbearable...they made it a love story. Centering around images of ogre's kissing and fondling one another, Shrek 2 seemingly was interested in same old formulaic story lines in a sense. I remember ten minutes in the middle of the movie that reminded me of Meet the Parents. It seems as if they just threw in supposed laughs at certain points of the movie and just used them over and over again (yeah the blind mice walk into walls and fall down...we get it, they're blind....funny).

As the characters go, Princess Fiona might as well have just been standing in the background, Donkey gets even more annoying and Shrek goes back and forth between being obnoxious and corny. Puss in Boots served absolutely no purpose besides trying to get a few more laughs (and introducing a new character for Shrek 3....yay...) and the king and queen had maybe ten minutes of screen time. They gave absolutely no memorable moments for arguably the funniest person in this movie (John Cleese) and for some odd reason, the fairy godmother had the most screen time. Yes, that's right, Shrek 2, the highest grossing animated movie ever possibly is starring Jennifer Saunders. She's funny, but her character isn't.

So if you thought the first one was the greatest movie of all time, or you're a fan of sappy romantic movies, go see this one. If you thought the first one was just OK, don't even bother. It's really sad when I enjoyed Van Helsing more than this movie.