My Family (TV Series)

The Art of Being Susan (2006)

Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Grace : You know, if I'm going to be staying here for any length of time, I'm going to need all the help I can get.

  Susan Harper : What do you mean, length of time? Ben's only away from his training course for a week.

  Grace : Oh, he's learning to use a knife and fork? It's wonderful!

• Grace : The point is until he gets back, I'm here for you, darling.

  Susan Harper : Here for me as in running up the phone bill, insulting the neighbours and draining the drinks cabinet?

  Grace : I hardly use the phone!

• Susan Harper : Mothers usually go back to work full time when their kids start school. I didn't feel like I could leave you lot alone until last month.

  Janey Harper : Are you suggesting that raising us was difficult?

  Susan Harper : No, I'm suggesting it almost sucked the life out of me.

  Grace : There are ways to get that life back, Susan!

  Susan Harper : Yes, mother, but I want to remember mine!

• Susan Harper : [Trying on a dress]  So, what do you think? I'm aiming for demurely attractive.

  Grace : You've missed!

• Janey Harper : Mum, this is not a problem. If this guy James is interested, you'll know. Yeah, men send subtle signals.

  Susan Harper : Like what?

  Janey Harper : Well, like, if he tries to feed you anything, don't let him - he's just trying to gain your trust. If he locks eyes with you for more than three seconds, he wants you.

  Grace : And if he puts his hand on your breast, that's a biggie, too! At least it was in my day!

• James : So I said to him: "Don't bother hanging the picture."

  Susan Harper : [laughs]  Oh, that's very good! Very good!

  James : No, that wasn't the end of the story.

  Susan Harper : Sorry. D... do finish.

  James : "Get down to hospital quickly! You may have nicked an artery!"

  Susan Harper : [laughs]  Oh, that's hysterical!

  James : It wasn't actually a funny story. It just happened to a friend of mine.

• Grace : I... I didn't expect you f... for another hour!

  Susan Harper : Been having a nice time, mother?

  Grace : Don't be such a party pooper! You didn't give us a chance to clear up!

  Susan Harper : Us?

  Lionel : You going to be much longer, Gracie? I'm not sure how long these pills last!

  Susan Harper : Oh, mum!

  James : OH, DAD!

• Grace : I am not a child! I'm an adult!

  Susan Harper : Then act like one!

• James : Have you any idea of the upset you have caused your daughter and me?

  Grace : Don't care!

  Susan Harper : Perhaps I'll make you care - no more gin for a month!

  Grace : Well, that's not fair!

  Lionel : Is this going to take much longer? My pill's starting to wear off!

• Susan Harper : Simone, can I have a minute?

  Simone : Ah, yes, Susan. I wanted a word with you too.

  Susan Harper : Yes, well, before you fire me and before I completely lose my dignity, I quit! I did my best, but it's not my fault James wouldn't any of your stupid art! You should never have made me go out with him in the first place! But then, that's just typical, isn't it, of the grossly incompetent way you run this gallery? And I shall be glad to see the back of it! God, this feels good! And as for you, you cold, grasping witch, is there any depth to which you will not sink to make a sale? I doubt it very much! Anyway, you can stick your gallery, you can stick your clients and you can stick your lousy job up your Jackson Pollock!

  Simone : James came in 20 minutes ago and spent £180,000.

  Susan Harper : [pause]  You didn't let me finish!

• Grace : You know, Susan, as a person gets older, they tart to get very set in their ways and it becomes harder for them to admit that they're wrong and apologise.

  Susan Harper : [pause]  Well, go on.

  Grace : I was waiting for you!

• Grace : You should start thinking of me as a person and stop thinking about me as a parent!

  Susan Harper : I haven't thought about you as a parent since I was 9!

• Grace : I was rather hoping you would interrupt me and my big speech and ask me to stay.

  Susan Harper : Oh, alright! But only because I'm genetically programmed to care about you!

• Roger Bailey : Abi... I just want to... I wish... I just th...

  Abi Harper : Shhh! I know what you're trying to say, Roger.

  Roger Bailey : You do?

  Abi Harper : And the answer's yes.

  Roger Bailey : Abi!

  Abi Harper : [pause]  I will be your full-time receptionist!

  Roger Bailey : Oh! Er... I was going to ask you to marry me!

  Abi Harper : [Faints] 

  Susan Harper : So what do we think? Was that a yes?