Marge warns the kids that if they make scary faces, their faces will freeze in place forever. Bart, Lisa, and Maggie ignore her--until Marge gives them a scare with a mirror.
The family attends the funeral of Uncle Hubert. Bart proves to be disruptive and Homer swears to never take the kids to another funeral, much to their dismay.
Bart and Lisa wonder what is inside Maggie's mind when looking at her in her crib. The audience sees her imagination: she is a giant, and she is tickling baby-sized versions of Bart and Lisa.
Homer promises the kids chocolate milkshakes if Bart can catch one of his long football passes. Unfortunately, there are many obstacles to overcome, like falling down a cliff, but Bart manages to catch the football - with his mouth.
Marge takes the girls out to watch a ballet, leaving Homer in charge of dinner. Bart cannot stomach it when he is forced to eat a mix of fish nuggets and pork-a-roni.
Bart, Lisa and Maggie play a game of "Space Patrol". Bart puts a jug on his head with the pretense of it being the helmet of an alien warlord. However, his head gets stuck in the jug and Lisa "frees" Bart using a croquet mallet.
When Bart's hair grows too long, Homer and Marge order him to get it cut. The barber ends up shaving Bart's entire head, and he attempts to disguise his scalp using glue, his old hair, and eventually a paper bag.
Bart and Homer go on a fishing trip. Homer asks Bart for a baloney sandwich, but Bart forgot the baloney. He puts the bait on the sandwich instead. When they get the boat in the water, they hit rapids and later fall off of a waterfall.
When the family is on their way to church, the kids declare themselves pagans. After the car breaks down, the kids start acting like pagans, much to Homer's dismay.
Marge warns the kids that they shouldn't steal from the money jar. Lisa and Maggie's consciences appear to prevent them from taking the jar's contents, but Bart's conscience encourages him to help himself to the cash.
The Simpsons go to an art museum. Bart stares at a nude painting and Lisa plays with an ancient vase. Marge realizes that the kids are too young to appreciate fine arts.
Homer takes Marge and the kids on an outing to the zoo. While there, he points out how stupid a family of chimpanzees look - and fails to realize that the chimps look identical to his own brood.