Siebert_Tenseven Reviews

Something Bit Me (2022– )

Survival Stories

[10/10 · 29 June 2022]

I'm a big fan of survival stories so this series really grabbed me. The format is very methodical and works well. There are two stories per episode featuring the actual survivors being interviewed along with a dramatized version of the events played by actors, accompanied by numerous interviews with the scientists who study animal behavior. I always feel grateful after hearing about others' challenges, so every episode lifted my spirits quite a bit. It's surprising that the production staff were able to find so many survivors of animal attacks, and I'm not sure there could be a second season with quite the same impact. It would be a bummer if they had to go with "Something Bit Me And I Died" which is the actual outcome of less positive situations. As I noted, survival stories rock my world.

Under the Banner of Heaven (2022)

The Book Was Great, This Is Even Better.

[10/10 · 11 June 2022]

I enjoyed Jon Krakauer's book quite a bit. It's written in the third person, so I was intrigued by the inclusion of Jeb Pyre, the Mormon detective who uncovers the truth of the murders. He is not a real person and did not appear in Jon Krakauer's book.

The adaptation of this book is stunning because it introduces the struggles of a man of Mormon faith coming to terms with the murder inflicted by other believers in his community. Andrew Garfield embodies the role very deeply and the viewer gets the impression that he is torn apart and thoroughly tested in his faith. Garfield's role is a first rate acting assignment.

Worst Roommate Ever (2022–2024)

A Bit Dated For 2022

[5/10 · 30 May 2022]

The glitchy video flashback and title techniques used in this documentary have been imitated to death since Fincher's "Se7en" in 1995. At this point it's tiresome and almost comical, to say nothing of the sudden twangy clangy overdone stress music. It's too bad, because there are some interesting stories here that would have felt more authentic if the production company wasn't trying so hard to simulate the "scary" styles from the last millennium.

Suicide for Beginners (2022)

Impossible Fun

[10/10 · 22 May 2022]

A comedy with absolutely no reason or point to make. It's good to see slapstick is still alive and well, embodied by these mostly unknown actors trying their very best, which that makes it that much funnier. It reminded me of the very stupid comedies of 15 years ago, like Big Nothing or Weirdsville. Silly humorous impossibilities to pass the time and get a few yuck yucks.

Our Father (III) (2022)

Oh Please...

[1/10 · 18 May 2022]

This film is like the world's smallest violin begging for someone to yell "get a grip already." Sure it's shocking what this doctor did, but the ring leader of this endless drama seems to be squeezing out as much sympathy as possible, leaving an empty devastated human shell where there could be a productive person transcending this pathetic level of remorse. The only thing missing from this "feel sorry for me" circus are the dead seagulls and cello soundtracks featured in many "oh please save the earth" documentaries.

Searchers (2021)

Authenticity

[9/10 · 19 April 2022]

I enjoyed watching this documentary quite a bit. The director uses a method similar to Errol Morris' Interrotron with a news telepromptor type of device that allows a subject to look directly into the camera while interacting with online dating apps. This provides a view of people's faces that we do not usually see: What we look like while viewing a screen deciding who we like and do not like. The gamet of nuanced facial expressions approaches some of the best acting by professional performers. The individuals come across as interesting and authentic. The director also throws in a few scenes of Brooklyn the break the monotony. Very well done!

Sweet Tooth (2021– )

Too Bad

[3/10 · 11 April 2022]

Although this series starts out with an interesting premise, it is slowly diluted with parallel story lines that are not very well connected, even as the gruff voice of an aging James Brolin attempts to tie things together as the narrator.

Toward the end of the series, especially in the last episode, it's painful watching the actors try to convey emotion and meaning with a truly dreadful script. Ouch.

Obviously rushed out the door as quickly as possible, I somehow doubt season 2 will cohere any plot lines or provide a more satisfying experience. Hopefully, no one is taking any of this seriously.

Zappa (2020)

Absolutely Free

[10/10 · 6 December 2020]

I was expecting all sorts of over-the-top freaky posturing and interviews for the sake of a buck, which Frank would have despised. Instead it was a decent and accurate synopsis of a man who will forever be shrouded in mystery.

The impact Frank Zappa had on many generations of slowly aging young persons coming of age, listening to FZ albums and never being the same again, seems to be the point of this documentary.

I was impressed through the whole thing. The production was never sensationalist. It is a somewhat gripping bio of a man finding his way as an artist. I think they call themselves "influencers" now.

Earthquake Bird (2019)

An Under Rated Good One

[10/10 · 21 February 2020]

I was fascinated by this story. The director did an exceptional job of translating a complex emotional novel into a crafted piece of cinematic art, which can only be done with a good team of dedicated professionals. There are many impossible scenes. Running through the rain during crisis, subway mirages and dreamstate where are we now stuff. I'm not even inclined to read the novel after viewing this. A knockout sleeper that will sink, probably because of the mix of Japanese and English, but I really enjoyed it.

Under the Silver Lake (2018)

The Only Thing Missing Is Andrew Garfield Taking Bong Hits Between Each Scene, But That's OK We Can Do That For Him

[10/10 · 27 April 2019]

I thought It Follows was great, with that undercurrent of paranoia, the allusion to HIV infection, the relationship dynamics from hell, the Crewdson look. Just fantastic. When this one came out I expected more of the same.

Not quite. This is uber black WTF comedy of the highest order. My homesters and I have been watching each scene with scrutiny and evaporating into uncontrollable laughter with every scene setting, bizarre character introduction, plot and music twist, and especially Andrew Garfield's hopeless expressions as the carnival of outrageous nonsense takes place all around him.

We have been luxuriating in this existential masterpiece for endless hours, pointing out favorite background characters, objects and landmarks, sometimes playing a scene four or five times until we can't stand it any more. Through it all Andrew Garfield leads us along as our eyes water and ribs ache from our hysteria.

OK so it takes a special type of humor to laugh at this film I suppose, and it also helps if you have warped friends with unconventional recreation habits. Find some and watch it. Lots of gratitude to Mr. Mitchell for this gem.

Leaving Neverland (2019)

It's About Time

[10/10 · 10 March 2019]

As a survivor of sexual molestation when I was six during the heyday of pedophilia in Trenton NJ during the late 50's, I had no doubt whatsoever that Michael Jackson was one of them. The fact that he used his influence and power to get away with it is tragic and it's something we see more often every day.

Wade Robson and Jimmy Safechuck are in their late 30's which is kind of like the "deer in the headlights" phase for a child who has been molested. The anger is so glaring that you finally see things for what they are. This happens, of course, after years of substance abuse, destructive behavior and failed relationships.

If they make it another 20 years or so they will be able to better accept what has happened to them. I say better accept because you never forgive your perps, but if they can let go of the victimizing they can start to enjoy how messed up they are. It's the only way I can make it from day to day.

High Maintenance: M.A.S.H. (2019) Season 3, Episode 1

Nice To Be Back

[10/10 · 28 February 2019]

When I saw there was a Season 3 of High Maintenance I was hesitant to watch it because it seemed like it jumped the shark a little when HBO started funding it. To me, it got more sensationalist and golly gee we smoke pot we are so so so. I expected more of the zany crazy poo poo that entertainment dorks put a laugh track on and call humor.

Well, it looks like the series has gone back to its roots and whoever was screwing things up has been put on the staff of Big Bang Theory, because once again High Maintenance is meaningful, innovative and compelling. There's no question that the creators of this show cut to the chase when it comes to human drama.

Take a look at some of those cuts, some of those camera pans, and the lovely slow motion credits and beautiful music that High Maintenance has used as a technique before. This is a show that has already broken the mold, and they seem to be making sure it stays that way.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Booooring

[1/10 · 21 October 2018]

I really tried to like this movie. I smiled and expressed enthusiasm. I bounced and nodded. I boned up on the Marvel universe. Finally the day came and I watched the movie. For some reason I was completely bored. One fight after another. Lots of stuff blowing up. Lots of people running around. Characters blowing up and running around at the same time. Is it possible I have become overstimulated by this type of adolescent entertainment? Believe me, my girlfriend and I have a better relationship than some of the so-called romance subjects in this hyped up disaster movie. I think I have grown up and comic book characters are no longer my role models. Oh well.

The Florida Project (2017)

Alternate Endings

[1/10 · 24 January 2018]

This movie would have been excellent with an alternate ending: 1) William Dafoe, wild-eyed and crazy, machine gunning the white trash waste product and her little little snot of a hopeless offspring, or 2) White trash waste product and her brat getting run over by a tractor trailer driven by Jim Jarmusch at the intersection of US Highway 192 and Interstate Four, or 3) A 50 megaton nuclear weapon detonated at the apex of Cinderella's Castle instead of the daily fireworks presentation at Walt Disney World.

The actual ending was a soggy milquetoast of sentimental hogwash, demoting this movie to the level of a Hallmark Channel one dimensional dumbo dorky end wrap, sanitized for your protection as a feature presentation to be mulled over by movie critics and the Academy. To be honest, this movie hit a sweet spot for me in my most intense hatreds: The State of Florida and children between the ages of zero and 21. How I ever sat through all of it is a complete mystery to me. Obviously, I was waiting for one of the alternate endings!

Hollow in the Land (2017)

Hollow In The Head

[1/10 · 20 January 2018]

Anyone who can sit though this endless saga of perpetual wild-eyed suspense has got to have about as much nothing upstairs as the creators of this worthless butt stain of an awful movie. The viewer is forced through one and a half hours of a dimensionless young woman trying to find her equally dimensionless brother in a depressing landscape of bad haircuts and shotguns.

It would be OK if there were a few suspenseful moments leading up to a meaningful conclusion, but since the character development in this movie is about as neglected as a sweaty gym sock on the seat of a downtown express bus, by the time the determined yet sexy heroine catches up with her worthless idiot of a brother, nobody could care one doo-doo about anything but this movie ending as quickly as possible.

While No One Is Watching (2013)

Not A Hyped-Up News Report

[9/10 · 17 January 2018]

This is not a documentary that derives sensationalism from the traumatic experiences of children. It is not a hyped-up news report. It is a well-produced, thoughtful account of organizations in several countries working to identify victims of child abuse. Beautiful photography and calming music help the viewer to deal with the devastating subject matter with compassion and sympathy.

Room 104 (2017–2020)

I Am The Only Person Who Likes This Series

[10/10 · 7 August 2017]

Why? Because so far (episode 02) the acting is tremendous, the scripts are outstanding, and the plots are completely insane. This is not cookie cutter material and I think people are expecting something familiar that they are used to having seen before. Instead, it's different and they don't get it. This series reminds me of some of the classic weird TV dramas like Twilight Zone or Alfred Hitchcock Presents, which contain slow paced but extremely original and well acted stories and plot lines, and if those series were shown today I am sure the reviewers panning Room 104 would be just as bored and confused as they are now.

Sense8 (2015–2018)

Ugh

[1/10 · 20 July 2017]

A bunch of over-hyped annoying emptiness, like everything these two so-called geniuses have ever created. The Matrix was OK but after that I wish they had retired. Their style of film making is not entertaining to me only bothersome. Lots of camera movement, bright lights, fast cuts and electric guitars equals one big throbbing headache. I suppose this material must be interesting on drugs but it obviously creates the same vacuous results, a golly gee level of what the heck is going on and oh how special and mysterious. If these Wachowski sisters ever grow up maybe they'll stop with their stupid scripts and ridiculous costumes to produce something of value, but for now anything attached to their name is best avoided.

Life (I) (2017)

Good Night Moon

[2/10 · 3 June 2017]

... And good night original, meaningful, functioning movie plots and scripts.

***Spoiler Alert*** The book "Good Night Moon" figures prominently in this story for some reason. Perhaps it has something to do with astronauts sneaking heavy useless payload onto the space station? Who knows?

Evidently, "Good Night Moon" adds a layer of sentimentality to the story so the cast can say they remembered the book when they were young, or their father used to read it to them. It's as though someone required a touching moment so the viewer might care about this mediocre movie, the actors, the creature, the special effects or the gaffer?

Forget it. Nobody cares. The plot has been done many times and rather than create something original, these losers decided to bring out the dead horse once again for a spin around the block. Good night.

Get ready for the sequel Life II where the creature climbs the Empire State Building or whatever.

The Path (2016–2018)

Laughable, Too Serious

[27 April 2017]

Having been involved with a religious organization that was NOT A CULT but rather a movement with an intention to make the world a better place (and also collect financial contributions, the bigger the better!) I was intrigued by this series, however I found it missed the mark by taking everything so seriously that one could be led to wonder if the entertainment industry is hooked on melodrama and an over-the-top cultural bias infecting what is considered entertainment. Are we unable to take a joke? Sure, it took years to recover from the loved up and predatory opportunism of NOT A CULT, but I look back now and it is quite hilarious what happened to me. If this series were treated as black comedy it could have been pretty good, and there are some parts where I laughed out loud although I'm sure that was not the intention. This series resembles every anxious, nervous, annoying TV production of people making complete fools of themselves.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

Ho Hum

[1/10 · 19 March 2017]

This is another movie about people running around and things blowing up. Or maybe since it's a Star Wars movie it's about things running around and people blowing up. Also, things flying around and planets blowing up along with comic relief provided by silly robots speaking with English accents and making dumb jokes. There is not a single effect or musical motif that everyone hasn't seen and heard 20 times already. It's as though there is a machine that Hollywood puts $200 million into and it spits out $1.054 billion. There isn't a single original or fresh idea and this movie will be forgotten along with every Swashbuckler adventure that was ever created. It's a money maker. Enough already.

Happyish (2015)

Outstanding Series

[10/10 · 27 February 2017]

Maybe it's because I spent nearly 10 years of my life with a NY agency, living Upstate and enduring the same posturing, egotism, back stabbing, corporate takeovers and rampant mental illness that makes me identify strongly with this series. It sure does hit the nail on the head in a big way. What puts the icing on the cake, however, are the fantasy sequences that are included in nearly every episode. They are witty, haunting, and extremely well animated, certainly a big part of what makes this series so much fun to watch. Too bad Happyish wasn't renewed for a 2nd season, but I suspect it was a lot of work producing just one season to begin with. Worth a look!

La La Land (2016)

Vapid

[1/10 · 14 January 2017]

J.K. Simmons acting as an arrogant dork in Whiplash was bad enough, but now we have this dreadful piece of schlock that never should have happened, with J.K. Simmons acting as an arrogant dork again. The only thing this movie did was make me want to watch some of the stunning musicals of the past half-century, which are light years ahead of this. I suppose everyone will sit around with sentimental grins on their faces thinking how nice that someone remembers Hollywood enough to shoehorn a bunch of current celebrities into a script that makes you wish someone would fall off a freeway overpass. When did escapism start to resemble nails dragging across a blackboard?

Captain Fantastic (2016)

Was This Supposed To Be Funny?

[2/10 · 11 October 2016]

There are a numbers of movies that seem to have originated with a zany, crazy, free-for-all style similar to National Lampoon's Summer Vacation, and while some may find the material hilarious, to others it is downright annoying. It's the same formula as The Royal Tenenbaums or Little Miss Sunshine; We're The Millers or Wanderlust, and can only be described as productions that think they are off-the-wall, cheeky, kookie or funny in some way, when they are actually ordeals that test the endurance of otherwise considerate and intelligent individuals. Inevitably, there are young children actors and actresses unable to shake their San Fernando Valley accents and come across as the spoiled brats they truly are, no matter what role they might be attempting to play; completely lacking in character and obviously irritated when a scene needs to be shot more than twice. This movie includes extended BAGPIPE sequences to drive the vicissitude of this hopeless production home relentlessly. All I could hope the entire time was for an emergency that would shut off the film and evacuate the theater. I was not so lucky.

One Nation Under Trump (2016)

A Terrible Documentary For A Terrible Person

[1/10 · 2 September 2016]

I have to wonder why anyone would make a documentary like this, since it makes this arrogant monster look one hundred times worse. Awful editing and continuity. Purpose is completely missing. Nothing holds together and it's just that idiot with his chemical helmet of yellow epoxy hair gel along with an equally corrosive orange spray tan telling everyone how wonderful he is, and then continuing his pitiful fear mongering and agenda of nauseating hatred.

It's appropriate that this train wreck is portraying a rancorous power hungry lunatic as someone who can't fit the pieces together very well, with limited scope or intelligence to show something even slightly visionary. It's like watching a wretched nightmare of bad television broadcasting, a progression of completely idiotic and useless video clips.

If you want to watch a 6-year old in a baseball cap and ill-fitting blazer making a bunch of big scenes like a malcontent juvenile, this movie is for you. The only redeeming aspect of this movie is that it documents a despicable presidential campaign that will go down in history as a shameful reflection of a country's hatred and anger.