Sweet_Honey_Iced_tea Reviews

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008 Video Game)

How did they do it twice

[1/10 · 11 January 2024]

I swear, they did it again. Somehow they managed to make a game that's even worse than the first. If I could give this a zero, I would with no hesitation at all. The level design is on par with bubsy 3d, with a camera that somehow feels even worse than Bubsy 3d's horrible camera that changes position whenever you jump. The levels also feel bland and boring, with ps1 level graphic design that bores me more than any game on that console. The story is barely even following the wacky and really fun story that the film it's based on had. I swear that the alec baldwin lion is not voiced by him, it is similar, but something is just wrong with it.

If you find this game in a store anywhere, burn the place down.

Roundhay Garden Scene (1888)

How it started?

[8/10 · 7 November 2023]

2 seconds. 2 seconds led to an absolutely gargantuan pinnacle of entertainment that we likely couldn't see our world without. It's truly astounding that this led to something so much bigger than what could have been imagined at the time. I find it to be so interesting that the first film ever created is by far the shortest, as feature length films must be at least 40 minutes, and despite this film being 20 times shorter than that, it has far more importance than nearly any other film that has ever been produced. Without this film, there wouldn't be film, as such, it's important to understand where the medium of film had began. Give it a watch, it's 2 seconds.

C.I.Ape (2021)

This film changed my life

[9/10 · 7 November 2023]

My life has been a pit of darkness as of recently, I lost my house, I had to move in with my aunt since my relationship with my parents spiraled out of control, I had basically nothing, until I watched C. I. Ape. There are truly no words to describe the sheer power that this masterpiece of cinema contains, it seems to warp the hands of fate themselves into finally giving me something I haven't had in any capacity for months; hope. The absolute magnitude of anger and misery that any other film has provided me is now invalidated. I have finally been enlightened, C. I. Ape saved me from everything. I cannot recommend any other inferior flick that isn't this. Watch it now, and see it for yourself.

Madagascar (2005 Video Game)

This game makes me want to kill myself

[1/10 · 25 August 2023]

I have never seen a game that has been nearly as difficult to work with as Madagascar from 2005. I have seen glitchy games, but this isn't one of them, it's own core mechanics make it such an infuriating experience that it is truly difficult to describe. All 4 characters have such a floaty control style that it feels like bubsy turned up to 11, and the levels are designed in such a way that it could take players hours in order to properly navigate them. The one thing that isn't an absolute dumpster fire is the story, which just follows the same story from the film it's based off of, it isn't anything special though.

I truly find it difficult to tell you how difficult this game is due to the sheer stupidity of the dev team behind it, if I could give this 0 stars, I absolutely would.

Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach (2021 Video Game)

My favorite FNaF game for all of the wrong reasons

[10/10 · 16 August 2023]

I remember when this game came out at launch, it was an absolutely incredible experience to play, as it was an absolutely glitchy nightmare, and I was in love. The amount of things you could do in security breach on launch was like playing sandbox gmod, with the amount of glitches allowing the player to do basically whatever they want, from jumping then entering freddy to deload the whole game, to full on time travel being possible. After the first big patch, a lot of the glitches, but there were still quite a few ways to unload the game and being some glitches still being apparent even after the fact.

I was playing the RUIN DLC the day it came out, and it was honestly much more of a step in the correct direction, the environments being in disrepair, the animatronics being in absolutely terrible condition, and some of them getting more of a spotlight. The DLC was also better with the fact that it was linear, the base game had some open aspects and choices to make, but they didn't entirely matter due to the endings always being the same no matter what you did.

In summary, base game security breach was a fun glitchy mess, and RUIN was a step in the right direction, that is all.

Garten of Banban 4 (2023 Video Game)

The second part 1; Thou shalt recieve the punishment of the gods

[1/10 · 16 August 2023]

My place hath been taken from my bruised and bloodied hands, but I am not opposed, I find that a torch being passed is a torch being passed, and if thy wishes to be the first, then by all means, take from me what I was too caught up in pure poppycock to uphold. Thy hath been simple, thou hath decided to use a simplistic, uncaring, unusual, unrelentingly boring copypasta from nearly 7 years past, and this is something I simply cannot defend, thy must do SOMETHiNG with a single resemblance of originality that I had, that is all i am able to ask of thou, so please, take some originality into account.

I am okay with passing the torch, but try next time.

Bionicle: Mask of Light (2003 Video)

Lego Lord of the Rings is pretty good

[7/10 · 11 July 2023]

The title really describes a lot of the movie, as both movies have similar plots; A short main character and his friend are sent by an old man to bring a gold thing somewhere, while the main villain watches the protagonist from afar, along with sending his minions after them. The main character is helped along his journey by multiple other characters from other parts of the setting, and the Main protagonist and antagonist interact from a distance, one of the Protagonist's ally's sacrifices his life to save the life of the protagonist, and the protagonist comes into his own as a hero. Lord of the Rings is amazing, and this is also pretty solid, It could have better animation for the time, but even then, this isn't a big company like disney or dreamworks, and the character design goes really well for the setting, they truly feel bionic!

In short, I think Lego Lord of the Rings is good, but I think the other 2 bionicle movies made by this company are much better. I recommend.

Poppy Playtime (2021 Video Game)

The Cashgrab Cometh

[4/10 · 7 July 2023]

This game and the people behind it fell off spectacularly in a way I couldn't have imagined. The company behind it is effectively a minecraft mascot horror animation content farm, with people behind it that actively rip on other content creators that try to do things that are similar, to the point of making entire youtube channels about it. The game itself was kinda obviously made to be a merchandising cash cow, with plushes, merch, and nft's galore. The game uses the chapter format first seen in bendy and the ink machine, in which both first chapters are effectively demos to show what the rest of the game may look like, and feature a 2nd chapter in which you go further down into the games setting, with a new antagonist that is different from the antagonist of the first. BatIM does this much better, as it's much more stylized and smaller environment help build tension, especially with it's 2 colors, though Poppy Playtime has a much wider color palette, which takes away from it's fear factor. What's worse is the price, as Poppy Playtimes team decided to make the first chapter free, but double the price of the 2nd chapter compared to the first's, which is an extremely scummy move.

Don't give any money to the people behind this "passion" project.

Wait, what about boxy boo?

Cry Wilderness (1987)

The poster for the movie is more interesting than the movie itself

[1/10 · 7 July 2023]

This movie is an absolutely feverish nightmare to try and watch from a critical point of view. None of it feels coherent or logical by any standpoint, the characters all feel like planks of wood with no chemistry or actual character to be found. The movie's gimmick is simple: kid gets thingy that has little explanation that allows him to summon bigfoot to his location at any time, similarly to Springtrump in Five Nights at Candy's 2, but the concept is barely used at all. This movie's main child actor feels like an E list Child Anakin Skywalker ripoff, and it doesn't help the movie at all.

This movie is so abysmal, that one of the posters made me feel more emotion than the movie itself, with it's obvious image over the actual poster with the stupid bigfoot smile, it made me LAUGH. It made me FEEL something, which the actual movie didn't.

The Flash (I) (2023)

It's so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so bad

[3/10 · 6 July 2023]

I wish I could say something about this movie was good in any way other than in an ironic sense. The cgi is bad, the actors are (mostly) bad, the writing is bad, the action is bad, even the idea of the movie was bad. Why did the bring Ezra miller back AGAIN??? The amount of crimes he's committed should effectively blacklist him from hollywood, but apparently DC has to keep using the actors they used prior despite james gunn basically now being the DC film's new overseer. Bringing a multiverse into a pre-established film franchise has been a very bad idea, as seen with the mcu. Spider-verse did it all incredibly well twice, how do other companies keep messing this up???

This movie, no, this flick, is appalling, don't watch it unless you want to see microwave baby.

Poppy Playtime (2021 Video Game)

What about Boxy Boo?

[4/10 · 6 July 2023]

Poppy playtime fell off man. Like, I never really got into it, but at this point it's likely going to fail, and honestly? I'm kinda for it. The fact this was made by Enchantedmob says a lot about why it exists considering what Enchantedmob is at this point and what they've done in the past. This is definitely popular with residential 4 year olds everywhere, but the gameplay is truly lacking, only having around 2 or 3 different puzzle types within. The main antagonists are given little to do with themselves, as one doesn't speak, and the other doesn't really do that much in terms of presence in the story. The fact that they made the fantastic decision to make chapter 1 free, then double chapter 2's price compared to the first and not compensate people who bought chapter 1 is a little confounded, and this IP is only really being used for merchandising, remember the NFT's? Honestly, the fact that Enchantedmob decided to make poppy playtime but it's dead by daylight is absurd, the game itself is so obscure by this point that it doesn't even have an Imdb page at all.

Honestly, Poppy playtime fell off spectacularly, and I hope that it dies along with most modern mascot horror.

Wait, what about boxy boo.?

Link: The Faces of Evil (1993 Video Game)

Better Than TotK

[10/10 · 2 June 2023]

I've played Breath of the Wild, and I've always thought it really blows. Link: The Faces of Evil is one of the greatest--god I don't even want to say Zelda games, but just games in general! The main character is perfect, the villain is perfect, the romance is perfect, the songs are perfect, and even the design of sprites, just look at them!

I could play this game a million times and never get tired of it. When I Played Tears of the Kingdom, this is the game I thought I was gonna get. Now, lets talk about the absolute best aspect of the film; the story.

Ganon and his minions have seized the Island of Koridai, and only Link can defeat him, so Link and Gwonam go off To Koridai to stop Ganon and The Faces of Evil.

Now, let's talk about the good stuff, becuase there's a lot. Let's talk about what everybody remembers: The villains.

The Faces of Evil are all fantastically awesome villains. They do all the horrible things that all the other Zelda villains do, but they actually make them complex. Thay all Try to convince themselves that they're all just soldiers for god and yet they're constantly doing horrible things, then they tries to justify it every single time, I love it that's a great character! But it doesn't just stop there. The stuff they do with Link is UNBELIEVABLE. This is probably one of the best characters of all time. I don't even know what else to say it's just so good. The dynamic between Link and Gwonam is also very likable. And though The CDI isn't technically that great, there's just so much passion and effort put into it that you just don't care.

It's best shown in one scene, in which a rather rotund merchant tells Link that his wares are Links, as long as he has the rupee's to buy them. And if link doesn't have the money, The merchant will tell Link that he can't give credit, and to come back when he's a little richer.

By god! Look at the animation on the Ganon! I don't know who animated him but give them all grammies! If I really had to nitpick anything, I mean really anything, its that in this game, I HATE Seth Mcfarlane, but like I said that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of nitpicking. To be honest I have no problems with this game at all. I think It's one of those perfect gamesthat you could play for days and never be bored of it. However there is a downside that isn't even in the game at all; It came out the same year as Sonic 3 & Knuckles, so everyone went to see that same rehash that wasn't even that good in the first place instead of this really funny really smart artistically put together film. Oh god do I hate Sonic 3 and Knuckles, it's right up there with Breath of the Wild with just no creativity, no spontaneity no passion no effort, it's just pure phoned in trash. God, I think it would scar most kids. But with Sonic 3 and knuckles I couldn't find much to like in it. If I had a kid and they wanted to play Sonic 3 and Knuckles, I would just make them play Link: The Faces of Evil again. Sonic 3 and Knuckles just sucks!

Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (2001)

the Jimmy Neutron Movie: (almost) everyone is evil

[6/10 · 2 June 2023]

There is no truly good characters in this movie, I don't mean that I Don't like them, it's just that all of them are on the southern side of their moral compass. Jimmy effectively sends earths IP address to a bunch of egg aliens, all but jimmy's peers are either indifferent or antagonistic towards jimmy, Sheen sabotaged his highly scientific mind with cartoons and sugar, and carl goes "AWOOGA" for Jimmy's mom. Actually there is ONE character that I can say is morally good: Jimmy's dad, Hugh Neutron. Hugh is a simple man, he likes his ducks, he likes his pie, and he cares about his family. He has a simple life with simple goals, but his own son constantly in the way of that. Jimmy is the villain, Hugh is the REAL hero!

Watch the movie an the show for the man Hugh, he's actually way past cool.

Sky High (2005)

My Hero Academia BUT AWESOME!!1!

[10/10 · 1 June 2023]

This and My hero have VERY similar plots, in a world where superpowers and superheroes exist, the main character has no superpowers whatsoever, but really wants to be a superhero. They are mentored by the most powerful Superhero, and slowly begin gaining superpowers, and they go to superhero high school. See? Same idea, different results. This movie is way past cool. The characters have that sort of "pokemon black & white limited 3d" type of charm, it definitely feels like a movie from the mid 2000's. The action scenes are totally gnarly, with the end fight scene being absolutely radical, and the character development throughout the movie is quite swood!

I can't recommend this enough, It's incredibly AWESOME!!1!

Garten of Banban 3 (2023 Video Game)

The first: Part 3; Meme edition

[3/10 · 1 June 2023]

This one is a fever dream, unlike the other games in a lot of ways. It puts in a shocking little bit of effort, despite the games still low quality. The areas are still way too large to be a kindergarten, with the game taking place in a whole other area compared to the second game, with multiple sectors that have the lights always render, but nothing else. The main problem with the game is how much it STALLS FOR TIME, there are things you NEED to do that take way to long since the Euphoric brothers want your money and not your refund, another one is a section before a BOSSFIGHT, in which you have to open around 10 doors, and if you die after you beat the boss? You have to OPEN. EVERY. DOOR. AGAIN. Moving from big area to big area takes time, tutorials take time to explain what you need to do before you even do it. THe good thing about this one is that it's kinda just a fever dream. I think The Euphoric Brothers finally realized that Garten of Banban as a game franchise is seen as a meme, as they put in an incredibly out of place sequence in which stinger flynn is driving a car with Opila Bird in the passengers seat, captain fiddles, you, and Banban in the back, with BanBan making a SKYRIM reference. I was actually coughing,I was laughing that hard. I hope that this game takes the franchise in a new, more meta and humorous direction. EUPHORIC BROTHERS. MAKE IT A MEME. DON'T FIGHT IT. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.

Garten of Banban 2 (2023 Video Game)

The first: Part 2

[2/10 · 1 June 2023]

I already had my soap box about the concept of garten of banban and how it's fundamentally flawed, so now I'll actually look at the games themselves.

Somehow this kindergarten has MULTIPLE facilities within them that are massive compared to any school you can probably think of, and of course, the game lags! The lag isn't even due to the massive scale of the games world through unreal engine 5, but for some reason the Euphoric Brothers don't know how to properly make models (probably in blender) that have reasonable polygon count. For instance, the main antagonist Banban has literal hundreds of thousands of polygons, and the remote you carry around with you has more Polygons than the ENTIRETY of Mario 64, which says a lot about the Euphoric brothers ability to make a good game (looking up a blender modelling tutorial can't be that hard). The main gimmick of the game(s), the drone, is really klunky in how it works, you have to hit things from very specific angles in order to progress, and there are sections that don't even make sense in a kindergarten. For example, the multiple cannons that shoot live explosives, and of course; the fact that this KINDERGARTEN is also a genetic research facility!

I think the concept of givanium alterring organisms based on applied dna is actually interesting, for example the character Opila bird is a mix of givanium and Flamingo Dna, which could lead to the possibilites of other things mixing with givanium to make more interesting ideas, but sadly in this one the concept is barely used.

Easily one of the worst parts of the game is the voice acting. Good GOD. The voice acting. They have like 2 voice actors total, with them putting in such little effort that it's sad. Banban is just one of the Euphoric brothers talking in a normal voice, and then Banbaleena's Va actually putting in a little effort, the 2 voice actors just use slightly different voices for the other characters that are voiced, and by the end of the game, you're probably gonna be able to refund it, so it's a 2 out of 10, it's bad, but it isn't a nightmare.

Lego Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Brick (2008 TV Short)

I don't know what to say

[1/10 · 1 June 2023]

I'm astounded, I'm appalled, I'm dumbfounded. This is one of the worst things I've ever watched. The humor is so dry and drab and dank with so little content with actual substance that it becomes nearly impossible to watch. I don't understand how anyone can watch this and like it, the characters are so unexpectedly inaccurate to the source material that it had me on the brink of insanity. This is worse than Antz on the gameboy color, more disappointing than garten of banban, and it makes me want to slam my head into a brick wall more then the smurfs (2011).

DO NOT WATCH THIS, IT'S SO BAD!!!!!

Escape from Planet Earth (2012)

Literal insanity

[3/10 · 16 May 2023]

I believe it was Nikola Tesla who said "insanity is doing one thing over and over expecting a different result, and this movie feels exactly like that, but somehow worse. Every attempt at humor was unpolished and the environments weren't lush and organic like I was TOLD they were. The character design is on par with the average Crash Team Racing ripoff, like Mario Kart, perchance."

I think The Nostalgia Critic once said "The villain feels like something out of a 70's Hanna-Barbera show, him always twisting his spindly johnny looking moustache. The supporting characters are all bland like sour grapes in my gaping maw, they aren't even that good!"

Freddy Fazbear probably said "This film is a pile of sheer icy disappointment, I don't recommend you watch unless you have a good glass of sour grape juice, Keep it up baby!"

1 out of 10, do not.

The Blue Shell Incident (2019 Video)

Cinema wishes it's as good as this.

[10/10 · 16 May 2023]

There's little I can say about this Microsoft made magnum opus of film that we have been given by the gods with gilded grace. The animation is wickedly wonderful, the voice acting is superb and stupendous, and the story is spectacular and unlike anything anyone had ever seen before. The characters are wonderful, and how they interact with each other feels so real it almost all feels ad-libbed! Mario as the main villain was an absolutely inspired choice, feeling like something Kojima would write, but actually good! Lasagna Ocelot accompanying him also added so much more humor to every scene. Luigi being the main protagonist was a great idea, and Duck Nukem acting as his only ally, gives the story so much more scope, it truly feels like a whirlwind big city adventure! This masterpiece is an icon for film, and I could never recommend it enough.

Garten of Banban (2023 Video Game)

The first

[2/10 · 24 April 2023]

I'm the very first to give this, thing, this sad excuse of a franchise a review. It's honesty sad for me to say that I've seen people who haven't realized that this whole thing is just leeching off of the trend of mascot horror franchises, which the only ones to do anything especially substantial was FNaF and bendy. There's legitimately such a long hate train for this game that it was remade in a week, a WEEK, which says a lot about the game itself and it's quality. The game takes a lot of "inspiration" from similar titles, with the premise revolving around something commonly associated with children, I. E an animation studio, a toy factory, a children's pizza place, and with this, a kindergarten, which is weird to use for mascot horror, especially when the kindergarten suddenly becomes a massive genetic research facility, which is awfully jarring. Simply put I ask of you not to buy the game and say it's bad, don't say anything to the devs, just ignore it, don't give the devs the publicity they don't deserve. If a fire is deprived of oxygen, it goes out, I can only hope that something similar happens to this.

The Country Bears (2002)

I wish it wasn't over, BEARS!

[8/10 · 7 March 2023]

Somehow I have nostalgia from this movie even though I saw it for the first time only a couple years back. It somehow has such an early 2000's movie look and feel to it that it feels nostalgic even for people who've never seen it before. Christopher walken as the main villain was shockingly entertaining, and they somehow got an all star cast for the country bears movie of all movies, and somehow it feels like no one I know has seen it! I strongly recommend this movie for anyone who's a fan of movies from the 2000's, or a fun nostalgia trip for nearly any age. I hope you take this into consideration, because this is not over, bears!

Antz (1999 Video Game)

Shockingly difficult

[1/10 · 7 March 2023]

I remember playing this game in the dark of my room in the middle of the night, it was far too difficult for someone of my age at the time. I found my old cop while going through my closet along with my Gameboy advance, and I decided to see If I could actually make it through the first level, I couldn't, it was unlike anything I remembered. It was rigorously difficult, I barely figured out what I needed to do without a guide, and even then I needed to do some frame perfect inputs in order to make it through the first few levels, this game is a relic of a bygone era, and I DON'T RECOMMEND playing it.

Aliens in the Attic (2009)

Meh?

[6/10 · 7 March 2023]

It's okay, it has a semi interesting plot, but The sheer lack of actually interesting scenes is a little disappointing. I must say, most of the alien scenes were pretty humorous, with J. K Simmons alien easily being a highlight of the entire movie and being basically everything it stands for. The main human characters are honestly pretty boring, but that 'epic' fight scene with the guy fighting the grandma was nothing sort of okay. The main human character is honestly pretty bland, I think he should suck an apple.

The movie is fine, just nothing special, aside from the aliens, they were pretty good.

The Smurfs (2011)

So smurfing bad!

[3/10 · 7 March 2023]

I thought I was done. I thought the nightmare of cartoon characters from the 20th century becoming Cgi abominations in live action New York City was finally over. But then this smurfing abomination of a film is has no self awareness, no continuity, no passion, no sponteneity, no intrigue, nothing of interest to the audience. The only reason I'm not giving this piece of smurf a zero out of 10 is because it's pretty ironically funny, otherwise? Nothing. Just pure phoned in merchandisable trash suitable for no one over 5 but under drinking age.

This is a smurfing nigtmare, if you watch it, don't say I warned you!

Geri's Game (1997)

I feel geri's pain

[10/10 · 7 March 2023]

This short tells much of us, our condition, our drive, our goals, and most importantly; the indomitable human spirit.

Geri is playing with himself, and surprise surprise, he's losing. Losing pawn after rook after knight, with only his king remaining, but he pulls a fat new strategy out of no where: the Geri gambit. The Geri gambit is simple, fake a heart attack, flip around the board, and defeat your now helpless opponent. He pulls off an incredible display of manipulation, though his opponent (himself) is rather unimpressed. Though the gambit does fool his opponent, and Geri is able to figuratively and literally flip the game around, making his opponent lose. Shocked to see he had lost, Geri begrudgingly gives his dentures to himself, laughing hysterically.

This short has some great showings of character, expression, and the problems that come with age. Though despite the short's age, it's an all time classic for almost anyone of any age.