jgeorge4 Reviews

Wonka (2023)

I Don't Think Hollywood Can Make Good Movies Anymore

[5/10 · 17 December 2023]

I really had high hopes for this movie. Finally, I thought, Hollywood can take a step back from their incessant superhero schlock and do something genuinely creative and genuinely entertaining. And it seemed to be getting good reviews!

Within the first thirty minutes, however, it becomes apparent this is a very drab, tedious affair. Somehow they managed to turn Willy Wonka into a joyless tale. If anything, it seemed to be slipping into "Les Miz" territory, and I was kind of hoping Olivia Colman might just go ahead and belt out "Master of the House."

One of the few redeeming qualities is Hugh Grant as a sophisticated Oompa-Loompa. Aside from that, the supporting characters are horrible, the music instantly forgettable, and the plot is muddled and tedious, pulling at your emotions with tales of dead mothers and orphans rather than merry Wonkaesque mayhem.

For Pete's sake, they were handed the keys to create Willy Wonka's origin story and they couldn't even make it watchable.

Hollywood, just give up.

Strays (2023)

A Curious Marketing Decision

[5/10 · 19 August 2023]

By now, you probably know the basic premise. Really horrible loser guy abandons his sweet dog who teams up with a foul-mouth stray and two other dogs to find his way home and exact his cruel revenge.

Ultimately, it gets 5 stars because it was mildly entertaining. Not particularly funny, not particularly creative, but wise-cracking dogs on a mission are almost always entertaining.

I really have to question, however, the decision to take what's basically a storyline for kids, (along with all the obligatory heart-warming, lovable dog moments) and make a really raunchy movie out of it.

How raunchy? How about a big dog trying to unlock his cell by extending his enormous erection to reach the key chain on the wall? Yeah, that kind of raunchy. Mixed in with a zillion F-Bombs, and the audience is left shaking their heads and wondering why? Just, why?

Who is going to go see what's basically a children's flick with this much smut? The theater was empty. They could have easily dialed back the filth, made a PG-13 movie, and made hundreds of millions of dollars. I love a good raunchy comedy (Life of Brian, Animal House, Airplane etc.), but I found it odd to be sitting through what was basically a filthy remake of "Homeward Bound."

Oh well. I guess Hollywood knows best.

Barbie (I) (2023)

A Good Movie That Should Have Been A Great Movie

[7/10 · 22 July 2023]

This was a very fun, very engaging premise. I don't know if I'd call it groundbreaking, since it's a little derivative of Toy Story and Extra Guy, but this definitely works. The scenery and cast are great, and the movie bristles with energy.

I just wish they kept this a little more light-hearted and a little less preachy. There are countless movies that lament victimhood and discrimination, and countless movies that showcase estranged parents and children magically reuniting through remarkable events. But how many great comedies are there these days? How about, for once, just keeping things light and entertaining? (The patriarchy? Seriously?)

Regardless, I think most of the audience loved it, and I think most of the women wanted to stand up and cheer during the Mom's big speech. It's a visual feast with just enough laughs and a lot of star power, and you will probably be glad you went.

The King's Man (2021)

Intriguing, But Too Many Negatives

[6/10 · 2 January 2022]

"The King's Man" should be lauded for its ambition. It's definitely a noble attempt to transcend the same ole superhero vs. Villainy schlock by interjecting plenty of historical and political history, as well as some great actors and drama. The plot twist mid-film was unexpected and riveting.

Ultimately, however, despite all the positives, the film was weighed down by the negatives. Specifically: 1. Everything just felt a little too preachy and wokey. 2. Like the other installments in this franchise, it seemed to suffer an identity crisis, never quite certain if it wants to be somewhere in the vicinity of "Ant Man" (silly and action-packed) or "The English Patient" (cerebral and dramatic). 3. Marketing this movie with an "R" rating seems like a very silly decision. The F-bombs were gratuitous and unnecessary. 4. Speaking of rated "R", the whole Rasputin as a gay predator thing was creepy and unwelcome, especially the entire thigh wound thing. 5. The tragic death in South Africa to start the film was incredibly predictable. 6. The two supporting characters in Oxford's household were tedious and one-dimensional. 7. The villain reveal was implausible.

Overall, though, I applaud the attempt to try something a little different, but I would rate this 6/10.

Eternals (2021)

Excruciating

[2/10 · 22 November 2021]

A very long, torturous, dull experience. Normally I love a good MCU flick but this was absolutely dreadful. It was somber and pretentious with none of the light-hearted joy that makes Marvel movies such a pleasure.

Minimal character development or plot. Wooden, painful acting with no chemistry among the characters. It dragged on and on; I just begged for it to end. Absolutely the worst MCU film ever, and probably one of the worst movies of 2021.

Free Guy (2021)

Extremely Enjoyable

[8/10 · 20 August 2021]

What do you get when you take the Lego Movie, Elf, and the Truman Show, and then throw them all in a blender?

You get something wonderful - Free Guy.

As a guy well into his fifties, I'm probably not supposed to like silly, video-game stuff like this, but this movie just worked. The graphics/special effects were remarkable. Yeah, there were plenty of moments where I felt like we've seen all of this kind of thing before, but who cares. This was terrific.

Finally. Hollywood does something right.

Loki (2021– )

Extremely Disappointing

[5/10 · 1 August 2021]

First and foremost, I have my doubts about all these ten-star reviews. The "reviewers" must be watching a different show.

What a colossal disappointment this was. If Tom Hiddleston simply sat there and read the phone book while portraying Loki, I would probably watch it. He is one of the most intriguing, captivating characters in the entire MCU. One would assume an entire show dedicated exclusively to Loki would be an easy, slam-dunk masterpiece.

Instead, we're treated to Doctor Who-wannabe drivel. The God of Mischief is pitiful and weak. Sylvie is perhaps the most uninteresting, unlikable, most one-dimensional character in the MCU. The plots, like Doctor Who, are bloated, convoluted, and dull.

Ultimately, it still merits five stars. Owen Wilson is always superb. I love the way the TVA is presented; it looks really cool. Tom Hiddleston does the best he can with this schlock. And alligator Loki is awesome.

What a disappointing waste of a fantastic actor and a fantastic character.

Schitt's Creek (2015–2020)

It Gets Good Very Slowly, Then Gets Bad Very Quickly

[7/10 · 20 March 2021]

During the first season of this show, you will probably be inclined to think, "Hmm...this is not very funny." But if you stay with it, you will be rewarded, as seasons 2 and 3 are quite good. By then, the show really finds its groove, and the acting is phenomenal. The Stevie and David characters have remarkable chemistry. It's very easy to fall in love with Stevie and her sarcasm. Moira is very funny when she goes on her self-absorbed tirades.

By season 4, however, Johnny Rose is putting on his leather jacket and water skiis, so he can jump over the shark and save the motel. Just kidding. But somewhere in season four, this show gets very unfunny and very dull very quickly. When they encounter a dead guest in the motel, all I can think about is how it was 100 times funnier when John Cleese did it in Fawlty Towers.

The show is recommended, but bear in mind it has a very short shelf life.

The Last Picture Show (1971)

Dark, Mildly Interesting, Very Overrated

[7/10 · 30 January 2021]

Upon reading Cloris Leachman's recent obituary, I was definitely curious about "The Last Picture Show" and why her performance, as well as this entire movie, are so revered. I'd scarcely even heard of it, so I enthusiastically looked forward to seeing this alleged masterpiece.

I was only four years old when this movie was released, and I suspect 1971 America found it to be completely shocking, provocative, artistic, and groundbreaking upon its release. Fifty years later, however, it merits a resounding "meh."

It is a very dark tale, conveying the ennui and misery of small-town (very small town) Texas in the early 1950s. Everything is sex, sex, sex, and none of it good. The lead character has a sordid affair with a coach's forty-year-old mentally ill wife. An intellectually disabled teenager is forced into a pitiful encounter with an obese prostitute. A ravishing Cybil Sheppard seems to devour everything and everyone, and none of it is appealing. A minor character, for no apparent reason, tries to kidnap and molest a toddler. How's that for entertainment?

But in the end, because it's so dark and lurid, this is one of those Hollywood sacred cows that will be worshipped for all eternity. It's worth viewing just to see these remarkable actors (Jeff Bridges, Timothy Bottoms, Cloris Leachman, and the stunning Cybil Sheppard among others) as they were 50 years ago, but don't buy into the hype. I'm sure this made heads explode in 1971, but unfortunately, there is nothing special about this movie.

Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (2019)

A Movie About Everything, Yet Nothing

[7/10 · 6 September 2020]

A very entertaining movie, but ultimately: Is it a character study about a drunken, fading actor wrestling with alcoholism and suicidal thoughts? Kind of. Maybe. Is it a probing, suspenseful insight into the coalescing of the Manson family? Kind of. Maybe. Is it an homage to the glorious late-1960s of Hollywood and LA? Kind of. Maybe. Is it a tale about a really cool stuntman and his kick-ass dog? Probably.

So, there you have it. Very long, but a very entertaining movie because DiCaprio is naturally fantastic and Brad Pitt's character is so likable. Inevitably, it degenerates into a gorefest, as expected from a Tarantino movie. It wanted to be about everything, however, and ultimately wound up being about nothing.

Star Trek: Picard (2020–2023)

Let's Dial it Back a Little, Folks

[8/10 · 2 March 2020]

OK, I get it. ST Picard may not be all the things Star Trek lovers yearned for. It is lacking that Gene Roddenberry magic. Rather than portraying a bright, optimistic future, it's fairly dark and dystopian. There is actual profanity (gasp), a little substance abuse, and some very intense violence. It feels a lot more like a generic, run-of-the-mill sci-fi endeavor than Star Trek.

But, good grief, get over it. This show is terrific. It even has a bit of the classic Star Trek campiness (of course we can't go undercover on a foreign world without a pimp hat, an eyepatch, and a French accent!) The visuals are great, the storyline is suspenseful, and Patrick Stewart is magnificent. We've had Data, 7 of 9, Hugh, and here comes Riker! I love it!

Bottom line, I am a very fussy, very critical reviewer. But I am here to tell you all these one star reviews are ridiculous, and you are missing a lot if you don't give this show a try.

Star Trek: Picard: Absolute Candor (2020) Season 1, Episode 4

I'm Really Enjoying This

[8/10 · 14 February 2020]

As a big fan of Patrick Stewart and Star Trek Next Gen, I had high hopes for this series. So far, I have not been disappointed.

There are a lot of negative reviews so far, and there are some fair criticisms to be had. Too much feels like generic sci-fi, and too much lacks the genuine "Star Trek" magic. Overall, however, this is great stuff.

I like Santiago Cabrera and his flock of holograms. I love the interplay on the Borg reclamation cube - terrific tension and suspense. Everything on the series looks very cool.

This "Romulan Ninja" character is a little blase, (the plot twist was as predictable as anything can be), but nothing's perfect. (Try benchmarking Picard against the first 4 episodes of Star Trek Next Gen!)

Bottom line, it is great to have Picard back on television, and I've quickly become a fan.

Dog Days (I) (2018)

Schmaltzy, Predictable, Wonderful

[8/10 · 10 August 2018]

Yeah, it's about as schmaltzy as a movie can get. Yeah, it's about as predictable as February snow in Minnesota. But ultimately, it's a wonderful movie and families will really enjoy this.

By far the best part of this is Charlie the dog, and the dynamic between Dax, his pregnant sister, and his brother-in-law. Dax's flippant stoner vibe may have saved the movie from completely drowning in estrogen and banality.

If the schmaltziness becomes simply too much, just let it go and focus on the dogs (I like dogs). 8/10 stars and a great family movie.

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

Ignore the Vicious Reviews

[8/10 · 4 August 2018]

Look folks. I get it. There are a LOT of blockbuster movies nowadays that seem to mysteriously draw wonderful, stellar reviews but are actually really lousy movies. War for Planet of the Apes. Blade Runner 2049. The Wolf of Wall Street. But rest assured, this is not one of them.

Is Ant-Man and the Wasp a stunning, ground-breaking foray into unprecedented creativity? No. If anything, it's a demonstration of what we already know: There are so many damn superhero movies in the cinema these days that doing anything genuinely innovative is getting harder and harder. But is Ant-Man worth the price of admission?

Hell, yes. If Marvel made a movie about superheroes reading the phone book, it would probably be worth ten bucks and two hours of your life. Paul Rudd was terrific, the pacing was good, the special effects were fun, there were a lot of laughs (and I dare say I enjoyed it much more than the appallingly over-rated Black Panther).

Ant-Man and the Wasp. It ain't making cinematic history, it ain't one of MCU's best ever, but it's a very fun ride and well worth seeing.

The Rutles: All You Need Is Cash (1978 TV Movie)

It's Worth Watching

[7/10 · 19 March 2018]

There's a very good reason this movie is so obscure: It's not great.

Before you leap down my throat, let me assure you I'm a Monty Python fanatic and a Beatles fan. I love a good mock-biopic (I think "Dewey Cox" is about the best movie ever made).

But those of us who turn to "The Rutles," expecting the kind of side-splitting laughter easily found in The Holy Grail, The Life of Brian, Spinal Tap, or Dewey Cox, are going to be pretty disappointed.

Is the movie worth watching? Definitely. It's worth an hour of your time just to be amazed by the all-star cast ("Hey, was that John Belushi? Was that Bianca Jagger? Was that George Harrison?") It's really an astounding collection of 70s-era comedy and rock royalty.

Additionally, it's worth watching because the music is so amazing. It's amazing how you can subtly combine, retool, and revamp the Beatles' songbook and come out with music that's very appealing in its own right.

But in the end, the parody of the Beatles playing live and being all campy starts to wear a little thin, and you begin to see why this movie is so obscure. Go ahead and watch it, but keep your expectations in check.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)

Terrific

[8/10 · 11 March 2018]

As a cranky, middle-aged man, I'm usually pretty harsh with my movie reviews. I'm not easily impressed, and I frequently decry the fact that Hollywood has been on a terrible losing streak these last 12-18 months or so.

As such, "Jumanji" was a very pleasant surprise. Great premise, superb cast, superb acting, great visuals, and great family fare. Really, really well done. The story arc was pretty predictable, but there's not too many big-budget films with unpredictable story arcs.

Great movie, and highly recommended.

Black Panther (2018)

Plenty to Like, Plenty to Dislike

[7/10 · 18 February 2018]

Like most movies, there are plenty of things to like about Black Panther, and plenty of things to dislike.

LIKE: 1. It's Marvel. Even a middling MCU venture is still worth the price of admission. 2. It looks sensational. Everything just looked really, really cool. The city, the technology, the natural splendor, the costumes, etc. Very, very cool. 3. It's something different. Basing a movie and a superhero franchise in Africa is refreshingly different. 4. Little sister. The "Q" of Black Panther. Tough not to love her. 5. Angela Basset is as lovely as ever. Lead actor was terrific. 6. Pretty good plot twist.

DISLIKE: 1. I fear this whole superhero genre is starting to reach the end of its tether. All of the story elements are just starting to feel a little stale. 2. Although very good, Black Panther is nowhere near as good as X-Men, Avengers, Ragnarok, Spider-Man, and almost any other MCU production. 3. It seemed like it was pretty difficult to break away from the tentacles of The Lion King. It was really tough not to be thinking about it though the movie. 4. The racial elements seemed a little heavy-handed and clumsy. 5. I think I'm getting Forrest Whitaker fatigue. 6. These superhero flicks really need to reevaluate what a climactic fight scene is supposed to be. I was getting bored out of my mind during the last twenty minutes. 7. The opening weekend hype was pretty ridiculous.

Overall though, another trophy on Marvel's overflowing, jam-packed shelf. Go see it, if and when you have the time. Just bear in mind it's nowhere as good as the public was led to believe.

Hostiles (2017)

Astoundingly Dull

[2/10 · 28 January 2018]

When exactly did Hollywood decide that long, boring, pensive, brooding, silent spans of emptiness are somehow entertaining? Who declared that incessant, empty, dialogue-free voids are developing the story, and building the tension? I suffered through this pseudo-artsiness in Planet of the Apes, Blade Runner, and now this.

What a disappointment. I love Christian Bale. I love a good, dark western. But what the heck was this? Did it really take them longer than eight hours to write the screenplay? If so, why?

"Meh. I wanna be outta here by 5. Just toss in some "310 to Yuma," mix it up with some "Dances with Wolves," borrow those good parts from "Unforgiven" about how hard it is to kill a man, and...whoa! Look at the time! OK. Toss in about an hour's worth of people riding horses, and looking anxious around a campfire, and...I think we're just about done here."

Oh, and why does Fort Winslow look like a recently built subdivision?

Yet another Hollywood stinker. What a waste of some great actors.

Downsizing (2017)

Why Do All Movies Have to be Lousy?

[5/10 · 29 December 2017]

My daughter wanted to see this movie, and needless to say, I was pretty unenthused. Our track record at the cinema in 2017 has been dismal. Time and time again, every big-budget, star-packed, hyper-promoted Hollywood offering has left me wishing I stayed home to watch Netflix. When I saw the running time of 2:15, I was extremely reluctant to endure this movie.

But, approximately halfway through the movie, something mysterious and unexpected happened. The sensation was so foreign I scarcely comprehended what was happening.

I was enjoying the movie!

Although "Downsizing" isn't exactly the most creative premise ever devised, the first half of the movie worked beautifully. I think a lot of filmgoers were disappointed to discover this movie is NOT akin to an amusement park 4D movie, where you are shown what it would be like to be smaller than a dandelion or bird. This is social commentary about economics and the human race.

As such, I loved where this movie was going: Even in a society of staggering plenty, where an average Joe can afford a 10,000 sq. ft. mansion, nothing much is different. There is still divorce, alienation, obnoxious wealth, drugs, and an invisible, impoverished, foreign underclass that toils and suffers in the shadows. Brilliant.

But then, inevitably, the iron law of Hollywood kicked in: IN THE YEAR 2017, ALL MOVIES HAVE TO SUCK. Of course. It's not fair, but it's the law.

So, ultimately, it came as little surprise that the last 1/3 of the movie was a crap-fest about global warming, or something, and the world is ending because of methane, or something, but is it ending tomorrow or in two centuries, we don't know because we're not really told, and all the holier-than-thou environmentalists and scientists are going to go live in their hole-in-the-ground so humanity can survive, and yada yada yada. It was like a completely different movie, and it RUINED A PERFECTLY GOOD FILM.

But in the end, all that matters is the movie fully and totally complied with the iron law of Hollywood. All movies have to suck, and they have to be a complete pile of left-wing, political jibberish. Well done folks.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

It's Safe To Go Back In The Theater...

[9/10 · 6 November 2017]

In recent reviews, I've called attention to the fact that 2017 has been a pretty dismal year for movies. Recently, I've seen "Planet of the Apes," "Logan Lucky," and "Blade Runner." What do these three seemingly disparate movies have in common? They all received outstanding reviews across the board, and all three were TERRIBLE.

I was certainly beginning to lose faith in this whole "Hollywood" thing and this whole "paying $40 for my family to watch a crappy movie when we could be home watching NETFLIX" thing. Fear not, movie-lovers. As usual, Marvel has delivered the goods.

"Ragnarok" is the vehicle that will elevate Hemsworth from a star to a hyper-star. He is simply electrifying, and the movie is loads of fun. My only complaint is I wish they didn't use El Grande Verde in the marketing material. It would have been even better if his appearance was a complete surprise, which obviously it was not.

Bottom line, Marvel is just running circles around the rest of Hollywood. If you have been burned by the appallingly lousy movies of 2017, set your fears aside and go see Ragnarok. You will love it.

Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

Tired of the Hollywood Hype Machine

[5/10 · 8 October 2017]

I made sure to re-watch the original the day before we saw 2049. I can't imagine how lost or uninterested an audience member must have been if they've never seen the first installment.

I can write a review conveying how shockingly slow and dull this movie is, but it looks like there are plenty of review writers who have already done that. Yes, there are some occasional brilliant scenes and cutting edge sci-fi, but for the most part,"excruciating" is the word that comes to mind.

For me, however, the real issue is I am tired of the hype machine. The last three movies I have seen in the cinema this year are Planet of the Apes, Logan Lucky, and Blade Runner. Each and every one was lavished with stellar reviews and praise from IMDb users, Metacritic reviews, and various magazines and websites. All three were terrible. I am sick and tired of the phony reviews and the complicit media trying to prop up the movie industry, and will now be much more skeptical before rushing to the cinema to spend my hard-earned money.

Logan Lucky (2017)

Never gets out of second gear

[4/10 · 20 August 2017]

On the surface, Logan Lucky has a heck of a lot going for it. It's got a zillion-dollar cast. Everyone loves a good "lovable outcasts pull off the heist" tale. It tries to tap into the Appalachian quirkiness that made "Justified" such an institution. It's almost worth eight bucks just to see if Daniel Craig can act all "muricann." And yes, Channing Tatum is actually pretty convincing as a hard-workin' country boy down on his luck. And there's plenty of John Denver references!

But in the end, the movie goes nowhere, and in this summer of wretched movies, we're left with another stinker. Almost nothing is funny, and nothing is interesting. The movie goes way too long as they spend the last half-hour "unraveling the mystery" while Hilary Swank glowers incessantly. And their attempts to capture some of that Boyd Crowder-esque, crazy hillbilly lifestyle just fall flat every time.

What's even more remarkable, is once again, the IMDb user review/metacritic machine has awarded a ridiculously high rating to a very mediocre movie. I am getting tired of it, and am increasingly wondering why I'm wasting my money in the theater when I can be home streaming Game of Thrones, or a zillion better movies than this one.

4/10: Slow, confusing, unfunny, weak.

War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

I'm the victim of a gorilla marketing campaign

[2/10 · 16 July 2017]

Clearly, when a movie is this terrible, yet gets such stellar reviews from IMDb users and metacritics alike, something fishy is going on. Actually, something apey is going on. I suspect we are all victims of a gorilla marketing campaign.

Ha ha. Get it? A guerilla marketing...meh, never mind. The important thing is yes, this movie really is that bad. By now we are all used to the fake reviews on IMDb that accompany any movie on its opening weekend. But what is up with these inflated metacritic scores?

I LOVED the first installment in this franchise. I loved the screenplay, the acting, and the gritty realism. But this? Total childish schlock. If I had to choose one and only one adjective, it would be maudlin.

I would have walked out of this movie if I didn't bring four kids with me. Within the first ten minutes, the magnitude of your error in wasting your money will become apparent. This movie is BAD. Avoid!

Beauty and the Beast (I) (2017)

Pretty Tough to Assign a Grade

[7/10 · 19 March 2017]

Let's stipulate to the fact that the animated version of Beauty and the Beast (and subsequent live musical productions)are absolute masterpieces. Beauty and the Beast may just be the greatest musical of all time.

So, let's also stipulate to the fact that the 2017 movie production is also pretty good. You can't take an established masterpiece, apply a Disney-sized budget and an all-star cast, and come out with a bad movie. The question is, did they come away with a great movie? Mmm...not really.

Is there anything about this extravagant production that improved upon the animated version? Well, there's new songs that are...um...pretty weak. There's the new version of LeFou, and he's umm...umm...there's the reimagined Maurice who is terribly miscast, drab, and lifeless. There's the new, not-especially-appealing, time-travel Paris schtick. And umm...did we mention LeFou loves Gaston? Amazing, huh?

So there you have it. It's live-action Beauty and the Beast on the big screen. It frequently looks wonderful, it's got the great songs that you love, Lumiere is terrific, but a great movie?

There must be more than this provincial life.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

The Magic...Gone, It Is

[7/10 · 16 December 2016]

Yes, these last two Star Wars installments have been moderately entertaining. How can they not be? They are practically duplicating the classics of the 1970s.

But where is the magic? I'm not even a big Star Wars fan, but if I tried to recollect magical and memorable scenes and characters from the previous six movies off the top of my head, the list is endless:

• The Cantina - Yoda - Chewbacca - "your powers are weak old man" - The Trash Compactor - "Luke, I am your father" - The battle with Darth Maul - Jedi mind tricks - General Grevious - "Arise, Lord Vader..."

And I'm just getting warmed up.

Can someone please cite one character, one line of dialogue, or one solitary moment from these last two movies that is noteworthy in the slightest (and is not a complete duplicate from the 1970s)?

So there you have it. One of the greatest franchises in the history of cinema with all the money and movie-making resources on planet earth, and the best they have to offer is...what? A mildly snarky drone who vaguely resembles Sheldon Cooper?

Anyway, you know you're going to go see it, so go. Pay your money, sit back and enjoy 1977 all over again. Just don't tell me there's any creativity or movie-making excellence at work here.