The first T movie since 2 that actually takes the lore and canon seriously. It's obvious this movie cares about the story and the characters, and holds the source material in high regard. I really dug how they re-created so many shots from the original film, as well as the deliberate differences. The problem here is not a question of enthusiasm or interest, but of taste. It looks super generic. Oversaturated, antiseptic. No grime, no dirt, NO practical effects or stunts - an over-reliance on objectively bad CGI that does not hold up, even though it's not that old. Ballistic explosions are not puffy clouds of flame. They are supersonic shockwaves that coat everything in the area with dust and rip everything else in half with shrapnel and often contain no flames at all. What, you never watched Mythbusters? Never seen any combat footage? With all the good faith put into the overall effort, this is a disappointment. I get concepts like budget, but when it hurts the experience and breaks the 4th wall, the cost-cutting backfires and proves it wasn't worth the sacrifice. SPOILER: Hated how John showed up in the late-game as whatever he was. IMO it made the entire first part of the movie completely pointless and was a total crumple-it-up-and-throw-it-out dumpster writing decision. Felt cheap, gimmicky. You don't have to make everything "the next T-1000". The novelty of special effects enemies went away MULTIPLE DECADES AGO. So we see how there is a good-faith core to the experience, but it's ruined by bad taste, both visually and narratively.
Reviews
17 Reviews
6 Underground
(2019)
As expected
5 March 2024
Bay shows his typical strong competence in the moment-to-moment of this movie, as with his others. Each shot looks good, each conversation is snappy and easy to watch (sometimes they're even funny), each action scene is pretty clear and easy to follow (and cool). But he also shows his typical lack of competence with the movie's big picture. The massive chunk of non-stop action that makes up the bulk of your time watching actually wears you down after a while. It goes on for so long that you briefly forget what their mission is before it mercifully comes back into focus (reluctantly). Why didn't we get a back story for the doctor? Overall you get the standard Michael Bay time here. Pretty fun and peppy, looks great, too long, story ain't much. I would for sure watch a sequel, so it's at the very least that good.
No One Will Save You
(2023)
A light in the dark
7 October 2023
Fantastic! An expertly told story. He trickle-feeds you the exact minimum amount of information needed to keep you on board, to keep your imagination spinning, wondering. So many movies go: "This is the protagonist. You care about them" without giving us any real reason to. This movie DEMONSTRTATES with storytelling techniques WHY you should care about her, and then MAKES you care about her (imagine that). A great example of skillful writing - so skillful he managed to do it with basically no dialogue. Barely anyone can pull that off even without such a restriction. Of course, the lead is a very good actor with real talent and her skill shines through in every scene. A worse actor could have ruined it all, but she carries the movie handily. The sci-fi elements were cool as well- familiar framework of greys but expanded upon and demonstrated with modern sensibilities. They were scary but intriguing at the same time. People are complaining about the ending I thought it was perfect. I love when something can surprise me like that. What, you don't like unexpected things in your entertainment? How dull you must be. What an unexpected treat!
Talk to Me
(I) (2022)
Good premise sandwiched between stale bread
7 October 2023
Very cool premise. Original. That's rare. I appreciate that. But the movie itself was painful to get through. Hated every single character. Not one of them was reasonable for one second. Not one of them was anything but cruel to anyone else, eliminating any possible reason to care about what happened to any of them. After barely making it far enough to get to the point where things pick up, it was unfortunately very easy to tell how literally every scene would play out from then on. Just pulling teeth and waiting for the foregone conclusion. The personal loss being the motivation for doing all that bad stuff was tired and expected. I was skipping ten seconds ahead at a time towards the end because I needed it to be over. Nice premise obliterated by below average writing, bargain bin characterization, and zero reason to get invested in anyone's fate. Stick to directing, boys. Leave the writing to the writers.
Possessed
(2000 TV Movie)
One word: Class
5 September 2023
Wait, what?! Characters with motivations?! Interpersonal dynamics BETWEEN the characters?! Deliberate, focused pacing?! Overall themes?! Such luxuries! Imagine a modern movie having any one of those things, and now we're talking sci-fi. I might have some sympathy for the "downtrodden" writers of the Hollywood of today if a single one of them were capable of such BASIC STORYTELLING FUNDAMENTALS. I'm half kidding - but only half. Writing is by far the most important part of any movie, show, comic, play, book or, you know, STORY? Stories are what all of these things are. Visual design in movies these days is incredible. Narrative design has completely imploded and is a long-forgotten art. Even though we all KNOW that it's bad writing that makes a bad movie and good writing that makes a good movie. Literally everything else is secondary. Stumbling upon a rare treat like this only reiterates to me how bad we have it these days. The recent Pope's Exorcist comes to mind. Did that movie not fall right into the heaping pile of bland, unoriginal exorcism movies? With all those incredibly skilled actors, set-dressers, designers and photographers, the thing still vanished into the pile the instant the credits rolled. What happened to this genre? Why are they all the same now? That's right, you guessed it: WRITING! The quality and class of Possessed serves as a scathing (although inadvertent) indictment of today's absolute dross simply by basic comparison. I mean dude was a writer on Die Hard - that's all you need to know.
Extraction II
(2023)
Fun! So fun
20 June 2023
An unexpected treat! All the scenes were very deliberately choreographed. This was clearly made by people who actually love action movies. Sure the story isn't the departed, there are certain tropes, etc. But this is basically a kung fu flick - it's kinda about the action, y'all. I thought the whole thing even outside of the action was deftly handled, the story competently told, etc. But the action! Very exciting and creative combat bonanzas, one after the other. Relentless, exact direction that I really appreciated. Clear sense of place, or situational clarity, that so many other filmmakers fail to manage. Lots of fun, pure action, and pretty classy otherwise to boot.
Cocaine Bear
(2023)
A-list corporate gutlessness
28 April 2023
In comedy there's a difference between self-awareness and constantly winking at the camera. This one unfortunately falls in with the latter. The tone should have been grindhousey and naïve - instead it's all written from a very clear modern perspective and parlance- missed opportunity resulting in a weird conflict between tone and setting. A modern movie where the only difference is that they're wearing 80s clothes and listening to 80s music does not sell the setting and is distracting in a bad way (like the absolutely pointless 90's setting in captain marvel). Speaking of missed opportunities, they REALLY should have gone practical with the bear, a throwback animatronic contraption for the gore scenes and a trained bear for the rest of the shots was so obviously the way to go - it takes place in the 80's for crying out loud. What we get instead is the expected, typical over-animated cgi that provides absolutely zero gravitas in what are supposed to be exciting or even cheekily scary scenes. Run-of-the-mill cgi robs every bear scene of any weight or intimidation whatsoever (also strips it of any potential comedy). Either lean all the way in or don't bother. Sloppy and uninspired. Would have probably turned out much better if it was an indie affair with a low budget and not a bunch of A-listers from finance to script all the way down to side characters because an A-lister project cannot by definition have the guts to make something magical and insane, in other words what this SHOULD have been. Gutlessness is what defines an A-lister project, and that is what we get here. The novelty of the premise notwithstanding, this is not worth your time. Skip.
Underwater
(2020)
Better than the current work of those it honors
27 November 2022
A tribute to Scott & Cameron that Scott & Cameron should take a queue from. What those two islands of men have forgotten is that this kind of adventure is SO much more enjoyable to watch when there is skillful competence in the crew. People doing the best possible job they can under duress allows the audience to get behind them, to root for them, and to stay attached to how it turns out. Think about prometheus and convenant and how they were such terrible movies - why? Because every character completely sucked at everything and screwed everything up and that was the only reason anything went wrong in the first place. It's a lazy hack writing technique called the idiot ball and its an insult to anyone willing to give them their time. It's asking far too much of the audience to root for incompetent, obstinate idiots. There were some cheesy edits, however, particularly when the action picked up. The shots suddenly lapsed into cheap music video techniques of rapidly speeding up and slowing down-- whatever, it was a taste call that didn't quite ace it. I did appreciate some of the jump cuts, however, like when you know they have to do several steps to accomplish something and they just jump to them having done it (in and out of airlocks, etc.). Otherwise I really appreciated how tight and focused it was the whole time. It never spun out and forgot the urgency of it all. A note regarding some other reviews: it's not tentacles on a face that makes something "Lovecraftian." Read a book.
Hellraiser
(2022)
Worth it for the visuals and evil stuff
22 October 2022
It's a real shame. This movie gets most of the things right. The structure and pacing of the story, the lore, the fact that it establishes rules and then sticks to them (basic cohesion), the visuals, the mechanism designs - all great. It's just that 100% of the character dialogue is arguing. It seems lazy and does nothing to help us care about these people. They casually utter each character's "thing" in passing towards the beginning and then they just lock it in and proceed to pull each other's teeth every step of the way. Nobody changes or realizes anything. At some point in the late game it hit me that it needed an older cast. These young actors just complaining and asking what's going on and never answering each other does not make for an interesting viewing time. Some more seasoned grown-ups could have eased that passage a lot, maybe allowed for some actually interesting back stories and interplay. But truly, I thought the evil stuff was all well-handled. Sick cenobite designs, crazy mechanisms, a few really gross violent bits :p (could be where they spent their actor and writer budgets tbh).
Take This Waltz
(2011)
Art
14 June 2022
Warning: Spoilers
It almost felt like a Terrence Malick film if he restricted his angles a lot more. The movie was focused on a complicated, advanced emotional subject and I really appreciated it. The truth is it was good insight into people I know/knew in real life who seemed to be going through something similar. Maybe their actions hurt me less now that I got a chance to glimpse their reality for a brief second. Lotta knee jerk low-brows out there chiming in with "too sad - they broke up - therefore: bad." This movie is not about that couple. It's about that woman. And I have to say, that last shot, maybe it was too little too late for the basics out there, but it did indicate a positive outcome for her, positive meaning healthy, or a step in the right direction. This one stuck with me.
Hooking Up
(2020)
A lil undercooked
1 April 2022
Warning: Spoilers
This one didn't really do it for me. It was hard for me to understand the motivation for this trip they took. The setup was too loose and unclear. I wasn't even really sure what they were doing until they started doing it. And then I was wondering exactly why they were doing it, particularly him. Both characters were kinda unreasonable and hard to empathize with at various points. In the end, they just kinda said that they realized stuff, nice music starts playing, all the pieces of their lives just randomly start falling into place, their dreams come true for no reason. Just felt underdeveloped.
Ingrid Goes West
(2017)
What is up with you people???
31 March 2022
There is a LOT of weird hate in these reviews for very strange things that kinda aren't even aspects of the movie? Nothing about the shots or scenes appears particularly "cheap" or "cringe", despite what some have said - it looks the same as any other current movie. The bad reviews stink of violated expectations and not much else. You were hoping for some more Parks & Rec or something? This just happens to be a really dark movie about mental illness and isn't maybe as quirky and cutesy as a lot of people were hoping. But review the thing for what it is, not what you were expecting it to be based on seeing one actor's face on the cover. The whole thing was actually really believable and wasn't afraid to get dark and uncomfortable in order to actualize. I was ill-at-ease the whole time, too, but, ah, it's about an unpredictable stalker, so it's kinda supposed to make you feel that way. Not perfect by any means, but I quite admire how dark and honest it is.
The Clapper
(I) (2017)
A lil off but overall great
26 March 2022
Strange premise that doesn't really seem plausible, even in the realm of rom com. Some VERY strange dialogue in some parts where it seems like maybe they were relying on improv or something (one-eye Mexican pigs in some shelter? And that's some kinda life plan or something?). I dunno exactly what was up with some aspects of it. BUT by the end I liked it because the sentiment was there. Very sweet and cute and off-beat in a good way.
The Spine of Night
(2021)
Fire and Ice 2
13 November 2021
Heck yeah! Very cool very brutal, old school violent dark fantasy stuff here. If you dug Fire and Ice this is your jam, bc these people clearly did. Looks and sounds great. Would have benefited from slightly peppier pace, but overall a very satisfying watch.
Hellier
(2019)
Nostradomus over here predicted seeing a tin can
13 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
They dont explore a single cave the entire first season. They travel to cave country with a full team and they didn't even bother to arrange permission to go on anyone's property and check out a cave before committing to this. They go to one tunnel that's not connected to any reports or sightings. And we have to pay the price for their poor planning by watching them sit around chewing the fat, stretching these "synchronicities" (ug say that word one more time I swear) to their most ludicrous limits. Bro someone retweeting you isnt a coincidence. And they DWELL! Lord, do they dwell. We watch the uncut full length footage of their night (feels that way at least) and THEN they cut to the interviews where at least two people summarize what we just saw, that is, one summary per person. So the thing gets filmed, we see it and hear it, then one person summarizes it redundantly, and then someone else comes on a repeats the exact same summary (see what I did there?). Each episode could have very easily been half the length, there is so much padding. The whole reason they went to this region was for the caves and instead we watch them do spirit box sessions on the back porch of their hotel. Honestly it felt like mistreatment- to the point where I'm not going to give any time to watching the second season. Big disappointment since it started strong with the setup. Loud drawn out poof of nothing after that.
Love, Rosie
(2014)
Buy the ticket, take the ride
17 June 2021
Warning: Spoilers
We all know what we're getting into when we start up a movie like this. The formula is readily apparent throughout the entire movie. With each twist and turn and little maybe-dang-not-yet moment, it's easy to see what the filmmakers want us to feel during any given scene. And that's fine. You started this movie because you're looking for something emotional, sappy, and maybe a receptacle to dump your own sadness into (full-disclosure, that may have been why I started it up). I was surprised at how brutal things turn out for her, though. Lots of disappointment, personal disaster and trauma. Honestly, this movie is pretty dark in that respect (also in general I think that culturally, British people are just more brutal and rude to each other than Americans, particularly school-aged Brits, which probably added to the grim vibe as we watch her life unravel). This is all expected and fine. The real bone I have to pick is with the "main guy". How many times does he just flat out decide not to be with her? Like six?? Seriously by the end of the movie, I actively wanted them to not end up together. What a loser! He literally brings nothing to the table. There is nothing special, unique, resilient, or attractive about this guy. A much healthier revelation for her would have been that she needs to stop worrying about this idiot who literally marries other women and get on with her life. Seek something healthy and honest. I'm not surprised by the ending, like I said the formula is front and center the whole time, but really, this guy was not a worthy receptacle for her love. What she went through versus what he went through is as different as night and day. Not a believable couple by the end. But you know what? I was swept up in it the whole time. So the story wasn't the peak of narrative form. I didn't turn this on to experience literature, I turned it on to run from my own life and indulge in some gushy emotions. In that respect, this movie nails it.
The Dark and the Wicked
(2020)
Reviews are about right
27 November 2020
Warning: Spoilers
The complaints are true: Not much of a story, just kind of a series of waking nightmares and a family situation that crumbles more and more with each passing second. HOWEVER the actual scary pieces made it completely worthwhile for me. At points, the evilness really surprised me and resulted in some stellar horror imagery that I was not expecting. For those wondering, this is in fact a supernatural horror movie and not just a people vs people thing.
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