The Winter Witch (2022) User Reviews

Well, if you have problems sleeping, look no further...

[paul_haakonsen · 1/10 · 6 February 2023]

Yeah, I hadn't even heard about this 2022 horror movie titled "The Winter Witch" when I stumbled upon it here in 2023, but I have to say that the movie's cover definitely seemed interesting. And it being a horror movie that I hadn't already seen was essentially sufficient to make me sit down and give the movie a chance.

And talk about a swing and a miss from writer and director Richard John Taylor. I managed to endure 41 minutes of the 82 minute, so I made it halfway through, and then I tossed the towel in the ring. In those excrutiatingly long 41 minutes nothing happened in the narrative. I kid you not when I say nothing, I mean that literally. It was just some girls sitting around talking without much of any gusto and without anything interesting to talk about. So I just gave up.

The acting in the movie, at least in the 41 minutes that I suffered through, was nothing noteworthy. I wasn't the least bit impressed by what I witnessed.

As for "The Winter Witch" being a horror movie? Well, in the 41 minutes I sat through there wasn't a shred of anything even close to resembling horror, unless you count utter pointlessness and boredom as being horror.

This movie is not something I would recommend for horror fans to waste their time, money or effort on. Some of us suffered through this ordeal, in some or full extend, so you don't have to. And believe you me when I say that I am not returning to attempt watching the last half of "The Winter Witch".

The movie's cover was actually the best thing about this movie.

My rating of "The Winter Witch" from writer and director Richard John Taylor lands on a one out of ten stars.

Good god....

[eve_connor · 1/10 · 15 September 2023]

Well, aside from the decent cameraman shooting scenes of a beautiful autumnal woodland... this film was shocking.

The title and image were enough to lure this horror fan in, being a lover of B movies I was enchanted with the first 5 minutes. (Lovely opening tune).

SWITCH OFF at this point I beg you!

In my partners humble opinion, the end credits were a welcome relief and the best part of the film. He managed to put 4 loads of washing on, iron in another room and cook dinner (what a guy), hollering the occasional "have I missed anything"? To which I always replied, "no".

There was no story, appalling acting and terrible narrative. How do these films get made and endorsed? Fair play for trying but stick with restaurants eh?

If the acting is bad what do you call that ending?

[KILERQUEEN · 2/10 · 26 May 2023]

I love horror movies. There are not many movies that I haven't seen . When this movie came up under one of my recommendations for my firestick, I decided to give it a try. The acting was awful. I believe the only person I enjoyed watching was Omi. I did make it through the entire movie, but watching the end of the movie made me wish I never wasted my time. I guess for horror movies i prefer more action. Not a let me just hit this ghost with a stick and it's all over. Come on! Seriously ! I love to read, but the book summary does not even tempt me. So overall I would not recommend this movie for any age.

Incredible

[amckig · 1/10 · 4 October 2023]

It's incredible this film was ever funded, incredible that after seeing the final product it was allowed to be released. Incredibly boring, no depth at all to the characters or story. No 3rd act conflict. It's not even clear where this is occurring for a while. No scares, no character development, and no explanation as to how the witch came to be, how did the lassy (girl played by a 25 year old) find the special, particular tree so easily? Why does it only banish the witch for 12 years. How was a woman-child able to banish the witch that had been around for hundreds of years in seconds, without being in any danger and with such ease. Doesn't this make them all bad people that they allowed so many wains to die when they could have taken care of the witch without even a minor inconvenience? How did woman go from such contempt for her husband (are the married? As its never explained) to adoring him in seconds? This film had the potential to be brilliant, a couple of co-writers to strengthen the script would have made a huge difference. The opening/closing music was beautiful and opening shots of forest were stunning. But that's it.

Ps. Question at the end of writing this review "does your review contain spoilers? Naw, there's nothing to spoil.

Make dinner while you watch

[carolb-04133 · 1/10 · 7 September 2023]

Not a good movie. Boring,terrible acting,and lots of time with characters wandering around. It could have used a good editor. The outdoor scenes were too long and some scenes are jumped together and you have to figure out where you are in the story.

I'm not sure how the witch came into being even after the grandmother explains that and also explains why the young daughter is the one to stop the evil. And even then that only stops the witch for 12 years. Why twelve years?

Another thing that surprised me was at the beginning if the movie, the mother and daughter move back into the grandma's house after it's been empty for a time. The house is in great condition! No dust!

And beds are ready to sleep in!

The film drags so much that you can make dinner at the same time you are watching and not miss a beat.

A leaden story, nicely filmed ...

[parry_na · 4/10 · 24 June 2023]

The locations and cinematography are excellent, with establishing scenes often shot through a slight misty autumnal haze, which is very effective. The acting is mixed - some lines are garbled on occasion, but what lets this down is the lack of incident in a very dull and uneventful story.

There is a lot of dialogue issued from curiously underwritten characters. For example, the estranged Frank (Jimmy 'The Bee' Bennett - also the film's location manager) is treated with contempt by former partner Ingrid (Rose Hakki) and admits he deserves such treatment, but it's never explained why. From the evidence onscreen, he seems a fairly decent character. Cult actress Rula Lenska is Omi, and it is to her we return during the course of the film where she is given reams of static exposition to unload.

This is a real shame as much of the production is really good. The pace is leaden, any frights are few and far between. It's not really a spoiler to say that we do see the witch from the title ... for a total of about ten seconds, mainly in the anti-climactic finale.

Director and writer Richard John Taylor has helmed a number of productions, many of them gangster yarns (starring the late Leslie Grantham, to whom the production company - Hello Princess - is dedicated). A strong co-writer or script editor would do wonders for future endeavours. A real mixed bag; my score is 4 out of 10.

Beautifully Shot But, Boring Acting

[icocleric · 3/10 · 29 July 2023]

The acting was truely stoic, and awful for most of the actors. Except for Omi. But she wasn't enough to save the film because the leads were so dry and dull, to the point it sucked put any life or horror this film might have had.

The story had potential, but I think we needed a lot more creepy witch shots. And actors who didn't feel like they were reading the lines as they went. They didn't remotely sell it.

It was beautifully shot though, and the camera work was really pretty. Some of the scenes were beautiful, and the overall quality of this part felt like it belonged to a much better film that it was in. Most of the stars I gave were because of this.

Plop Plop Plop

[saint_brett · 1/10 · 26 April 2024]

Winter witch? So, she's an unorthodox Christmas icon as opposed to an autumn creeper when in season.

Well, I don't know what that was at the start with the bald guy talking about his elongated ass.

The sound on this DVD is extremely loud. I normally watch movies with the volume up in the 50 to 70 range, but this one I had to turn down to a 9, and even then it's still too loud.

Poor contrast blurs the face of Ian Botham, who's reprimanding Deborah Mailman, as her work ethic is not up to scratch. She convinces her daughter, Goldilocks, to accompany her to the country to investigate the disappearances of wee English lasses.

Because the screen's so dark, she calls her daughter a blond princess, even though she has jet black hair.

Have all the cast members had bad cases of acne? They've dimmed the lights for most scenes to eliminate their features.

We leave Portsmouth for the hilly, mountainous districts of Mordor.

In the daylight, Goldilocks here is a redhead, not blond or jet black.

A hobo with a ponytail propositions the mother-daughter team and haggles over the hourly rate, but a price can't be settled.

We're then given a Kodak flashback in black and white of some curse of raw pasta.

The actors are like human surfboards.

Am I supposed to be buying into the casting for this family? The grandmother is German, her daughter is Aboriginal, and her daughter's lily white.

At the 25-minute mark, it's like watching a tennis game the way it's filmed as the actors duel on and on discussing that raw dill pasta business. It puts them in the mood to cook some Heinz spaghetti. Am I really watching this?

Why is no one putting an effort into modern-day movies?

The actor's screen presence has about as much appeal as Gary Glitter's background history.

"His blud is on your 'ands." There's an 'atch in hands, England. And they wrote the Collins dictionary?

A skanky chav shows up, threatening family members. Is she Sporty Spice?

Ian Botham is given the lowdown on fresh pasta.

Goldilocks is sporting the beanie from 'The Blair Witch.' She hooks up with some pronoun human species who reminds us about the fresh pasta demon, and all accusations fly.

46 minutes in, and not a damn thing of interest has occurred. Not unless you count the four Hot Tomales that woman just vomited. Who vomits red?

Where's this spaghetti witch, and what purpose does she serve?

So, some snobs leave the city and return to a country house, and the whole town despises them for past transgressions. There's some sacred connection to a mythical pasta demon that's not even in its own movie.

Normally, the Brits can make a decent movie, but this is just another victim caught up in today's usual play-it-safe standards that cater to an inclusive audience. Let me put it this way: if you combined Billie Eilish and Robert Pattinson together, that's the enthusiasm this movie is showing.

The pasta demon shows up at the 55:47 minute mark, and what is that? A Kiss member unmasked?

The curse of pearl pasta? Oh, she means curl pasta? Elbow pasta. I'm drowning in a sea of stupidity here.

For a DVD cover promoting a creepy witch pushing a pram, there's none of that in the movie and I can only imagine why this movie was never given a cinema release.

Foul pasta desires Goldilocks hand in a creamy sauce ceremony, so the realms of the outworld align, enabling Shao Khan to invade with marauding béchamel tribes.

Goldilocks goes to battle with crushed pasta and impales it with a tree stump, eliminating it in 2 seconds at the end, and that's your movie's climax.

The edge of your seat ending of this movie is right up there with Luke Skywalker nailing the Death Star, the Norman Bates and Mother revelation, victims being burned alive inside 'The Wicker Man' or McFly timing the electrical bolt just right.

I held my breath for the entire two seconds.

There's one hour and 15 minutes of one's life they'll never be reimbursed for.

A pathetic movie for today's equally pathetic audience, who'll swallow mediocrity and ask for second servings.