Johnny Carson: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Johnny Carson : They're raising money, Democratic Party - I think it's the third annual telethon - and, uh... were asking you to contribute, because it's a very worthy cause. They want to send one of their boys to Camp David.

• Johnny Carson : The Most Annoying Quiz Show Host goes to Monty Hall for letting a contestant go to the bathroom *only* if she could guess if it was behind Door #1, Door #2 or Door #3.

• Johnny Carson : You and Tom eat out a lot, don't you?

  Suzanne Pleshette : Every night.

  Johnny Carson : Every night? Don't you cook at all?

  Suzanne Pleshette : Not any more. No - I used to cook; I used to be a terrific cook. But, uh... my husband has an interesting palate. I mean it.

  Johnny Carson : Gourmet, you mean?

  Suzanne Pleshette : He must - no. He must have a potato with every meal, because he's Irish and he has an ethnic responsibility to drink Scotch and eat potatoes.

• Suzanne Pleshette : [on her husband's tastes]  Do you know that last year, for his birthday, I seriously considered hiring a limousine, and taking him to the toilets of Los Angeles - which is his kind of food. You know, one course at Pink's...

  Johnny Carson : With just the junk food stuff?

  Suzanne Pleshette : That's it. That's what he adores. You know, Chasen's and The Bistro he tolerates for me.

• Suzanne Pleshette : [on her husband's fear of flying]  The man will drive to Hawaii if he can possibly...

  Johnny Carson : I didn't... I didn't help him - and I know him, you know, I got - 'cause we're on - I said, "You've never flown Trans Debris before."

  Suzanne Pleshette : He was praying at the Tomb of the Unknown Pilot.

• Johnny Carson : Kermit - I love Kermit. Do you find...

  Kermit the Frog : Thank you! Thank you! It's a pleasure to be here - yes.

  Johnny Carson : ...Did you, uh...

  Kermit the Frog : Thank you! Hello out there!... Got a lot of pigs in the audience.

• Johnny Carson : What'd you have to eat on the plane?

  Kermit the Frog : Oh. I see, uh - they fixed me, uh, regular frog food.

  Johnny Carson : Frog food?

  Kermit the Frog : Had a cheeseburger.

  Johnny Carson : Cheeseburger.

  Kermit the Frog : Chocolate milkshake.

  Johnny Carson : Chocolate milkshake.

  Kermit the Frog : All those things that us frogs eat.

• Johnny Carson : Where are you going, Kermit, when you leave here tonight? Anyplace...

  Kermit the Frog : Oh, back to the swamp... Where do frogs live? You know, frogs live in a swamp.

  Johnny Carson : You have a home there?

  Kermit the Frog : Oh, sure.

  Johnny Carson : Yeah.

  Kermit the Frog : It's a fifth-floor walk-up.

• Kermit the Frog : Frogs don't get - really get married.

  Johnny Carson : Oh, right - they don't.

  Kermit the Frog : No... You think that's going somewhere?

• Kermit the Frog : There's not many opportunities for frogs... Not many of us get work, get jobs.

  Johnny Carson : Well, NBC is an equal frog employer.

  Kermit the Frog : Yes.

  Johnny Carson : So that, uh... comes out that well.

  Kermit the Frog : Well, I'm just a token frog, though.

• Jim Henson : [on Johnny watching Kermit in the monitor]  It's a strange thing, 'cause when I'm working, I usually try to see a monitor myself - 'cause that's how we work on television.

  Johnny Carson : Yeah - you see?

  Jim Henson : And...

  Johnny Carson : What do you do when you're not...

  Jim Henson : When I'm working blind, I'm not looking at the monitor; I really don't know what he's doing too much.

• Johnny Carson : What do you do when you're not working with Jim?

  Kermit the Frog : I don't know... play a little tennis, you know.

• Johnny Carson : I don't know many private investigators, but you don't look like one... whatever that means.

  Hal Lipset : San Francisco doesn't - I don't look like San Francisco, either.

• Johnny Carson : Let's say the President, for example - who, uh, recorded conversations in the White House, with the kno - without the knowledge of the other powers, and including heads of states and so forth... uh, like that's your home. If I did it in my home without other people's consent, is that alright to do without their permission?

  Hal Lipset : Not in California.

  Johnny Carson : Not in California?

  Hal Lipset : In other words, if the President had done that in the state of California - unless you accept San Clemente as part of California, which there's been some discussion on...

  Johnny Carson : The President does and doesn't.