The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Relationship Diremption (2014)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Penny : What's wrong with geology?
Sheldon Cooper : Let me put this in a way you'll understand Penny. You remember how you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well, geology is the Kardashians of science.
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Leonard Hofstadter : [In the morning Sheldon walks in with a GEOLOGY book] How you feeling?
Sheldon Cooper : Not so good.
Leonard Hofstadter : Are you going to introduce me to your friend?
Sheldon Cooper : It's not my friend. Nothing happened.
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't know. I heard you reading pretty loud last night.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh dear lord. Where's Amy?
Leonard Hofstadter : After she put you to bed, she went home.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh. I should call her and apologize. Oh no.
Leonard Hofstadter : What?
Sheldon Cooper : Apparently, I called Stephen Hawking last night.
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Voicemail : Next message.
Sheldon Cooper : It's me again. I gave up string theory. You should give up black holes and we could totally solve crimes together.
Voicemail : Next message.
Sheldon Cooper : You know what's great? Geology! Look at this geode! That's fun to say. Gee-ode. Gee-ode.
Voicemail : Next message.
Sheldon Cooper : Gee-ode. Gee-ode. I kiss girls now.
Voicemail : Next message.
Sheldon Cooper : Hey, guess who I am? Beep-bop-boop-bop! I'm you! Get it?
Voicemail : Next message.
Sheldon Cooper : Are you mad at me? Oh, no! You're mad at me! I'm so sorry! Beep-bop-boop-bop!
Voicemail : Next message.
Sheldon Cooper : Thiospinel sulfide. Thiospinel sulfide. That's even more fun to say than gee-ode. Hey, did you see the Lego Movie?
Stephen Hawking : What a jackass.
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Penny : Hey, you're up early.
Sheldon Cooper : I couldn't sleep.
Penny : I told you those Walking Dead pillow cases were a bad idea.
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Leonard Hofstadter : What about loop quantum gravity?
Sheldon Cooper : [High-pitched voice] Ooh, Duchess, look at me! My quantum gravity is positively loopy!
Penny : Who's the duchess?
Leonard Hofstadter : One of the people that lives in his head.
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Leonard Hofstadter : [Penny is about to give Sheldon a haircut] Are you sure you want to do this?
Sheldon Cooper : The magazine article suggests that one of the ways to get over a breakup is a new look.
Leonard Hofstadter : What about your old look? Well groomed ventriloquist doll.
Penny : [moving Sheldon's arm as if he's a ventriloquist's dummy] Oh, my God. I do look like that!
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, stop it!
Penny : So how do you want me to cut it?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, how 'bout Bill Gates meets Nikola Tesla?
Leonard Hofstadter : So, business in the front, science in the back!
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Penny : OK, I get it. Not all the jibber jabber in the middle, but I know what it's like to put your heart and soul into something and get nothing out of it.
Sheldon Cooper : You mean your acting career.
Penny : No.
Sheldon Cooper : Your relationship with Leonard.
Penny : No.
Sheldon Cooper : Your failed attempt to go back to college.
Penny : NO! I'm saying you and string theory sound like a relationship and I know what it's like to be in one and realize it's never going to turn out the way you want.
Sheldon Cooper : I said Leonard. You said no.
Penny : I'm talking about other guys.
Sheldon Cooper : OK. Well. What do you do?
Penny : You have to have the courage to end the relationship. You know, break it off, shake hands, walk away.
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Sheldon Cooper : But now I realize I was just a simple country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.
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Sheldon Cooper : I suppose I could see myself in a scientific boy band - of course I'd be the dreamy one and the smart one.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : What did you do?
Penny : I gave him a new look. It's cute, huh?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Yeah, it's cute: that's the problem. I don't need other girls to see him walking around like sex on a stick.
Sheldon Cooper : She's right. I'm too hot.
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Sheldon Cooper : [knock-knock-knock] Empty room.
Sheldon Cooper : [knock-knock-knock] Empty room.
Sheldon Cooper : [knock-knock-knock] Empty room. If somebody says, "Come in", I'm gonna freak out!
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Barry Kripke : ...there actuawwy was some big stwing theowy news today out of the Hadwon Cowwider.
Sheldon Cooper : Really? Did they find evidence to support extra dimensions or supersymmetry?
Barry Kripke : No, but they did find evidence that you'll bewieve
[laughing]
Barry Kripke : anything.
Sheldon Cooper : Why would you do that? You're a string theorist as well.
Barry Kripke : Incowwect; I am a stwing pwagmatist. I say I'm going to pwove something that cannot be pwoved, I appwy for gwant money, and then I spend it on wiquor and bwoads.
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Sheldon Cooper : It suggests that I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas.
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Sheldon Cooper : You know, I didn't seek out string theory. It just hit me over the head one day.
Amy Farrah Fowler : How does that happen?
Sheldon Cooper : A bully chased me through the school library and hit me over the head with the biggest book he could find.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Have you considered studying standard model physics?
Sheldon Cooper : You want me to give up string theory for something that's less advanced? You know, why don't you break up with Penny and start dating a brown bear?
Penny : Like you could get a brown bear.
Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, I've got a good job. I could buy salmon. You don't know.
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Sheldon Cooper : Penny pointed out that what I am going through is essentially a breakup. And according to Cosmopolitan magazine, one of the most effective techniques for moving on is to get rid of all reminders of the relationship.
Howard Wolowitz : You're reading Cosmo?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes. As it turns out, there is an article on how to get over a breakup in literally every issue.
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Sheldon Cooper : Why do we have a Geology book? Leonard, did you throw a children's party while I was in Texas?