- Penny: What's wrong with geology?
- Sheldon Cooper: Let me put this in a way you'll understand Penny. You remember how you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well, geology is the Kardashians of science.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [In the morning Sheldon walks in with a GEOLOGY book] How you feeling?
- Sheldon Cooper: Not so good.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Are you going to introduce me to your friend?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's not my friend. Nothing happened.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know. I heard you reading pretty loud last night.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh dear lord. Where's Amy?
- Leonard Hofstadter: After she put you to bed, she went home.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh. I should call her and apologize. Oh no.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: Apparently, I called Stephen Hawking last night.
- Voicemail: Next message.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's me again. I gave up string theory. You should give up black holes and we could totally solve crimes together.
- Voicemail: Next message.
- Sheldon Cooper: You know what's great? Geology! Look at this geode! That's fun to say. Gee-ode. Gee-ode.
- Voicemail: Next message.
- Sheldon Cooper: Gee-ode. Gee-ode. I kiss girls now.
- Voicemail: Next message.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hey, guess who I am? Beep-bop-boop-bop! I'm you! Get it?
- Voicemail: Next message.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you mad at me? Oh, no! You're mad at me! I'm so sorry! Beep-bop-boop-bop!
- Voicemail: Next message.
- Sheldon Cooper: Thiospinel sulfide. Thiospinel sulfide. That's even more fun to say than gee-ode. Hey, did you see the Lego Movie?
- Stephen Hawking: What a jackass.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: So Emily. Why did you decide to specialize in dermatology?
- Emily: I like cutting people with knives, and all the other jobs where you get to do that are illegal.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You're kidding, right?
- Raj Koothrappali: She's scary, but it's a cute scary.
- Penny: Hey, you're up early.
- Sheldon Cooper: I couldn't sleep.
- Penny: I told you those Walking Dead pillow cases were a bad idea.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What about loop quantum gravity?
- Sheldon Cooper: [High-pitched voice] Ooh, Duchess, look at me! My quantum gravity is positively loopy!
- Penny: Who's the duchess?
- Leonard Hofstadter: One of the people that lives in his head.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Penny is about to give Sheldon a haircut] Are you sure you want to do this?
- Sheldon Cooper: The magazine article suggests that one of the ways to get over a breakup is a new look.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What about your old look? Well groomed ventriloquist doll.
- Penny: [moving Sheldon's arm as if he's a ventriloquist's dummy] Oh, my God. I do look like that!
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, stop it!
- Penny: So how do you want me to cut it?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, how 'bout Bill Gates meets Nikola Tesla?
- Leonard Hofstadter: So, business in the front, science in the back!
- Penny: OK, I get it. Not all the jibber jabber in the middle, but I know what it's like to put your heart and soul into something and get nothing out of it.
- Sheldon Cooper: You mean your acting career.
- Penny: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: Your relationship with Leonard.
- Penny: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: Your failed attempt to go back to college.
- Penny: NO! I'm saying you and string theory sound like a relationship and I know what it's like to be in one and realize it's never going to turn out the way you want.
- Sheldon Cooper: I said Leonard. You said no.
- Penny: I'm talking about other guys.
- Sheldon Cooper: OK. Well. What do you do?
- Penny: You have to have the courage to end the relationship. You know, break it off, shake hands, walk away.
- Sheldon Cooper: But now I realize I was just a simple country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.
- Sheldon Cooper: I suppose I could see myself in a scientific boy band - of course I'd be the dreamy one and the smart one.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: What did you do?
- Penny: I gave him a new look. It's cute, huh?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Yeah, it's cute: that's the problem. I don't need other girls to see him walking around like sex on a stick.
- Sheldon Cooper: She's right. I'm too hot.
- Raj Koothrappali: If we're really going to do a double date, we need to go over some ground rules about Emily.
- Howard Wolowitz: Like when it turns out she's made of rubber, I don't say anything?
- Raj Koothrappali: She's very real.
- Howard Wolowitz: That's what it says on the box. Right next to "dishwasher safe".
- Sheldon Cooper: [knock-knock-knock] Empty room.
- Sheldon Cooper: [knock-knock-knock] Empty room.
- Sheldon Cooper: [knock-knock-knock] Empty room. If somebody says, "Come in", I'm gonna freak out!
- Barry Kripke: ...there actuawwy was some big stwing theowy news today out of the Hadwon Cowwider.
- Sheldon Cooper: Really? Did they find evidence to support extra dimensions or supersymmetry?
- Barry Kripke: No, but they did find evidence that you'll bewieve
- [laughing]
- Barry Kripke: anything.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why would you do that? You're a string theorist as well.
- Barry Kripke: Incowwect; I am a stwing pwagmatist. I say I'm going to pwove something that cannot be pwoved, I appwy for gwant money, and then I spend it on wiquor and bwoads.
- Sheldon Cooper: It suggests that I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I got to tell you the more I read about the primordial gravity wave discovery the more excited I get.
- Raj Koothrappali: I know. Being an astrophysicist right now is like being a rock star.
- Howard Wolowitz: Only without the sex.
- Howard Wolowitz: I just hope he doesn't blow it.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why would you say that?
- Howard Wolowitz: Because he's Raj, that's his thing. Beckham can bend it, Ralph can wreck it, Raj can blow it.
- Emily: All my friends love this story. They call you Clogzilla.
- Raj Koothrappali: [laughs] Get it? Because you clogged up her bathroom like a radioactive monster.
- Sheldon Cooper: You know, I didn't seek out string theory. It just hit me over the head one day.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How does that happen?
- Sheldon Cooper: A bully chased me through the school library and hit me over the head with the biggest book he could find.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, how is dating two women going?
- Raj Koothrappali: Um, kind of hit a bump. When I was honest and told Emily she wasn't the only person I was seeing, it went great. So, I tried the same thing with Lucy.
- Howard Wolowitz: And?
- Raj Koothrappali: She had mixed feelings. But when I said, "Emily was cool with it. Emily's the best. Why can't you be more like Emily?", those feelings became less mixed.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Have you considered studying standard model physics?
- Sheldon Cooper: You want me to give up string theory for something that's less advanced? You know, why don't you break up with Penny and start dating a brown bear?
- Penny: Like you could get a brown bear.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, I've got a good job. I could buy salmon. You don't know.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh crap, I know that girl.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: How?
- Howard Wolowitz: In a bad way, very bad. Whatever you hear tonight, just remember I love you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny pointed out that what I am going through is essentially a breakup. And according to Cosmopolitan magazine, one of the most effective techniques for moving on is to get rid of all reminders of the relationship.
- Howard Wolowitz: You're reading Cosmo?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes. As it turns out, there is an article on how to get over a breakup in literally every issue.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why do we have a Geology book? Leonard, did you throw a children's party while I was in Texas?
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, turns out I had already met the girl Raj is seeing, when I did a number on her bathroom. And that number was two.