Golan the Insatiable (TV Series)
Deer Uncle Gerald (2014)
Maria Bamford: Carole Beekler
Quotes
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Dylan Beekler : [waking up in the car] Wha- what's going on?
Dylan Beekler : [wide awake] What? Where are you people takin' me!
Richard : Honey, do you remember great uncle Gerald?
Dylan Beekler : No, but he sounds like a child molester.
[Richard rolls his eyes]
Carole Beekler : Dylan! That was uncle Leonard
Carole Beekler : [chuckles] and it was all in Thailand, so it's legal.
Richard : The point is, uncle Gerald loved you very much, but he's no longer with us.
Dylan Beekler : Where the hell is he?
Alexis Beekler : Use your context clues, stupid! He's dead!
Richard : Your sister's right. Uncle Gerald's in Heaven now. We're on the way to the funeral.
Dylan Beekler : Awesome! My first funeral? Yes! I'm finally gonna see a dead body!
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Carole Beekler : Dylan, I know you're upset, but this is an opportunity for some quality family time. Plus, there's some pretty neato roadside attractions along the way, like The World's Largest Box of Wine.
Richard : Fun fact: I heard that the boxed stuff is just as good as the bottled stuff these days.
Alexis Beekler : Wha? Ah! I wanna go there! Stop the car, pull over!
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Richard : You know, I- I read that boxed wine is just as good as the bottled stuff these days.
Carole Beekler : Is that true?
Greg : I dunno.
Greg : [to Alexis] I just fish out the dead rats.
Greg : [giving Alexis a cup and filling it] Shh.
Alexis Beekler : [giggles, slurring] Greg, you're such a bad boy.
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[last lines]
[the priest funeral director empties Gerald's urn into the lake]
Golan : [loudly sing-song] Bor-rrring!
[Golan laughs, sitting at the back of the boat, his massive form causing the bow to rise high into the air]
Carole Beekler : [softly] Richard, I think it was very magnanimous of you to invite Golan into the boat.
Richard : [sotto voce] Honestly, do I even have a choice?
Dylan Beekler : Nope, he's family now. Right, Golan?
Golan : Whatever. I'm over it already.
