Amsterdam Heavy (2011 Video) User Reviews

What WERE they thinking?

[Gladys_Pym · 2/10 · 27 September 2011]

OK. Cred for producing a film for just half a million. But....

Is this like the banking crisis? Does the production team sit through an early cut and say "Well, we spent all the money, so we HAVE to release it, even though it sucks".

Because if they thought this bit of rubbish was any good, someone wasted their money.

Michael Madsen. You know what? Because it was a solo piece he could have, (maybe did?), shot at home, he does a halfway decent job.

No-one else is worth anything. Dialogue, direction, acting, and - omg - fight direction - all suck. In spades.

And while I'm on it.... 4 positive reviews, all from people who've never reviewed anything before. Is there NO WAY IMDb can do something about this?

No way this even strays into 'so bad its good' territory.

Its just bad. Save your time and money.

Thumbs up for making it for half a million. If they recover even half, it'll be down to the highly mis-representative trailer.

The only unforgivable sin in a martial arts movie

[krachtm · 3/10 · 22 September 2011]

When I watch movies about big, angry, bald men who beat up everyone else in the movie, I'm willing to overlook a lot of things: plot, characterization, acting, SFX, etc. All I really ask for is good fight choreography and stunts. Unfortunately, this movie really sucks in that department. Also, the director really isn't very good at directing action scenes, either, so they end up being rather boring. As if all that isn't enough, the movie constantly resorts to filler in order to pad the run-time -- half of the scenes take place in strip clubs. I guess if you're a teenage male, that might be a potential positive, but I don't understand why you'd sit through this bad movie just to see a few breasts when you've got access to the internet.

You're better off just re-watching old Bruce Lee movies. As an added bonus, you generally get much better plot and acting, too.

So bad, it's (almost) good again! Well, entertaining at least. For all the wrong reasons.

[DopamineNL · 3/10 · 17 December 2013]

Although just about everything about this film is bad, it's doesn't necessarily harm the viewing experience. The struggling actors evoke sympathy rather than pity, the story allows for a nice game of plot hole bingo and the editing gives you a change to see what actors are doing while they wait for their cue! Every fight has people falling too early or waiting for the punch, every dialogue has moments where you can just see the attention slowly move from one actor to the other... wait for it... and there's the next line!

It's not often you see a bad guy with a lisp, or a Mexican standoff on bikes. The English speaking Dutch being played by Dutch speaking English (yes, that's our accent, deal with it) give the whole thing an absurdistic feel, and the fight scene where the former techno-house band The Party Animals suddenly show up is so superfluous it made me look up how to spell superfluous.

Which makes one wonder, it's strange how a film with so many redundant appearances of professional K1/kickbox/cage fighters can have such horribly choreographed fight scenes. But it does.

Really the only plus of the entire movie is Monique (Alison Carroll), with an actual British accent (thank God!) and a surprisingly convincing Tomb Raider appearance. If there were any rumours about actual actors in this film, it must've been about her. Other than that, the most desperate bunch of Dutch third rate actors has been summoned up, topped off by a (short) surprise appearance of Holland's most smirking comedian: Jörgen Raymann. You'll love it!

Terrible film -- a film school student would be ashamed of it

[UncleTantra · 1/10 · 16 September 2011]

It's difficult to come up with enough instances of the word "bad" to describe this film -- bad script, bad acting, REALLY bad fight choreography, bad direction, bad music, bad everything. About the only thing it's got going for it is that it was shot in a few exotic locations, if you consider the tourist sections of Amsterdam exotic.

Rik Sinkeldam in the lead part is -- astoundingly -- a worse martial artist than he is an actor. If you watch the trailer and catch some of his wooden acting in it, you'll find it hard to believe that he could do anything worse. But he does. The martial arts in this film could be used as a training video for how NOT to do martial arts.

I guess what should have tipped me off is the same thing that should have tipped me off about the recent "Setup." That film -- also terrible -- tried to use Bruce Willis' name, in a tiny, uninspired part, to sell a horrible idea horribly implemented on film by a horrible director. This one does the same thing, using Michael Madson's name and brief appearance. The only thing that would make either of these films worth having been made in my opinion is that both actors are laughing all the way to the bank, having suckered a bunch of idiots into paying them a lot of money for one's day's work.

Inhumane, do not ever watch if you value your life and happiness.

[h-dewit72 · 1/10 · 24 September 2011]

I am Dutch, but his product makes me ashamed. It is really really bad. Everything. The dialog....bad as it is, its made worse cos the 99% dutch cast cannot talk decent English. Guess there was no money for a decent language coach. The story is non existent, the acting is lame , the talent is zero , the camera work is just awful, the fighting is lame as never seen before and the few special effects that are real simple they managed to f..k up. It feels like kids aged 10-12 made this movie. MYGOD worst movie in a long time. Makes the SF channel-b flicks look like masterpieces. I like all kinds of movies , even bad ones, meaning if they are real bad / funny bad, you know what I mean, I can see the fun of that, but this one is just inhumane. Funny everyone who gave this a good review only reviewed thís title, no other reviews lol. So they made their accounts especially to give this a good review , yeah right. Definitely in on the deal. Shame on everyone involved.

Terrible movie

[microslob · 23 September 2011]

No acting, no plot, no direction, no decent music and completely unrealistic hollow characters.

This movie was so stupid and unrealistic a brain dead comatose patient could have come up with a better movie.

How could anyone seriously give this a 10 star rating unless they were a paid shill for the movie.

When I saw the trailer for this movie I thought great a T&A action flick with some women kicking butt. God was the trailer ever misleading. The 30 second trailer I watched pretty much played the better scenes. You could literally fall asleep to this terrible movie and wake up near the end and still think to yourself when will this finally end already!

I will be honest I did try and watch the movie twice in case I misunderstood but I found myself fast forwarding the majority of the movie the second time and eventually got bored. Thank goodness I only paid $2 for this lousy movie from the Wal-Mart junk movie bin where they toss all the bad movies. At least the DVD makes a good over-priced coaster for my beer mug or pop cans.

A big man with memory loss fights his way through Amsterdam piecing it back together and avenging himself on everyone.

[Tommy_B_Goode · 1/10 · 6 April 2012]

I am absolutely and seriously surprised that there are some positive reviews here !

My vote was 1 out of 10, but that's only because there was no 0 to choose in the box !

I have never... and I mean this from the bottom of my heart... NEVER seen a worse movie than this one.

First of all it's ridiculous that almost everybody speaks English in this movie while it sets in Amsterdam. Please don't go to Amsterdam and think that people there all speak English !

Secondly ; the acting, I have only 1 thing to say about that ; it is non-existent! there is no acting, its just people saying their lines ! apart from 2 exceptions that is. Allison Carroll and Michael Madsen are acting, it's just the rest that isn't !

3rd ; the filming itself was not even poor anymore, just downright awful !

4th ; the fight scenes, sometimes when the fight scenes are badly made you laugh at it. This however was SO bad I genually had to cry !

Such a shame, the story was good it could have made for a good movie, but they somehow managed to screw it up in the worst way !

I can't believe I actually spent money on this! There's 90 minutes of my life i'll never get back!

Bad, simple as

[johnengland_98 · 1/10 · 17 April 2012]

When I saw the description of the film it sounded pretty good. Action, adventure and some real fighters thrown into the mix to keep the fighting realistic.

Then I actually watched it, talk about a complete and utter let down. The acting was, how shall we say it, pretty dire. The fight scene's looked like they were shadow fighting. The locations just seemed to be seedy strip bars and back alleys that could have been filmed on the back lot of any film studio. And then the main known actor is in it so little that if you blink you miss him, yes for the keen eyed amongst us you will notice he's actually in it twice.

The idea of the plot is an interesting idea, although a twist on nothing original but the way it has been put to screen is complete garbage.

Then finally the ending, (prepare for spoiler) The film just end's mid story. Off he tootles to go get his wife back, if she is still alive that is, and the ending credits come up. Eh? is that it, I actually sat there for a minute or so expecting something more to happen. Its almost as if they suddenly realised budget had run out and all they had left was a train fare home (if you ever watch the film, which isn't recommended, you will understand that comment).

If I could give this film a negative figure I think I would. Don't bother

Omg my eyes blew up.

[bboygringo · 1/10 · 9 September 2017]

Oh my Lord, this has got to be the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life, I watched 30 minutes of it, I'm amazed how i got so far with it, thank God I didn't pay nothing to watch it and really if you haven't seen this I warn you avoid at any cost, any smart human being would never ever vote for this a 2/10, no plot, no character development whatsoever, my kids playing fight with each other has better fight choreography then this, don't waste your time, it's not worth it.

possibly worst film ever

[martyngevans · 1/10 · 17 August 2012]

im trying hard not to turn this film off at the moment, the acting, if thats what you call it, is about as awful as it gets, the action scenes are fairly bad, but when the fight scenes are so bloody awful that you wish you could take your own eyes out, then you know its bad. if this had been made by school children, with no writing experience, no money for effects or action and no fighting experience, on a cheap camcorder, they would have made a better film than this. im glad i didn't pay full price for this ( found it in bargain bin in tescos, that should have been first sign ), and when im done writing this im taking the DVD out to be shot, to put it out of everyones misery. 1 out of 10 was a generous rating, but is the lowest allowed on IMDb.

Pay ME Back: The Amsterdam Ultimate Scam

[MrBelette · 1/10 · 31 October 2012]

Oh God it's so bad it hurts. The lead "actor" is a wooden plank, the others are laughable except Michael Madsen who is probably still laughing about how easy he can get money. Or anything else they paid him with.

The director obviously wanted to do a Bourne movie but failed to do anything resembling any kind of decent movie.

Some said there is no end to the story, which is true, but I'm afraid it's worst than that. They planned to do a sequel ! Ridiculous scenes are in a plenty: a specially trained agent being beaten by two girls, the lead actress shooting with a gun in each hand although she can barely hold them, a shootout in the streets during a chase ... on bike ! (Yes, we're in Amsterdam.

The action scenes are badly filmed and the fight scenes are badly choreographed. And the story is so unoriginal it's quickly boring since you already know what's going to happen next.

I suppose the director can't do worst on his next movie but will he do better?

0/10

This film kicks some ass!

[hibikifilms · 10/10 · 17 September 2011]

This film's got some great scenes and one liners and really kicked some ass. It reminded me of a kind of seventies vibe with some funny villains and a whole bunch of sleezy stuff like an old Shaft movie but with some cool action. Back to VHS land! They do a funny/cool shoot out on bikes...what?! some of the acting's a bit stiff but so was Jean Claude in his day? Right? Plus it's got some heavy MMA guys too. Love Madsen. Alison Carroll is great too as the 'stripper with guns' ha ha. as the dude in Gladiator says 'are you not entertained?' if you want a documentary watch HBO. if you want art go to a gallery. if you want 90 minutes whacked out in Amsterdam go for Amsterdam Heavy

Take a Second Look....Amsterdam Heavy is worth it!

[Morris76 · 7/10 · 22 September 2011]

Amsterdam Heavy leaves you wondering what will happen next at each turn, packed with action and hot chicks. I googled the movie and also found out that this is one of the few films made right in the red light district of Amsterdam. Michael Madsen's scene is classic Madsen. The main character (J.D.) has some great fight scenes and the main brunette has some awesome one-liners that had me roaring.

While it may not have taken millions and millions to make this flick, I really respect the creativity, the shot angles, the storyline and the time and attention to some of the smallest details. Dudes, this is what indie film making is about! NO, it's not a movie with a huge budget but its definitely worth seeing

Unbelievably bad

[ccomley · 1/10 · 2 October 2021]

I assume 95% of the budget went on the two short scenes with Madson in. Blink and you'll miss them, they have nothing to do with the rest of the film, which features bad dialog badly delivered, in between badly choreographed 'action' scenes... and then they ran out of the remaining budget mid-scene.

Awful, dumb and insulting.

[poserkiller · 20 September 2011]

Amsterdam Heavy pitches itself as an action movie with Michael Madsen. But where is Madsen???? He only appears in the first three minutes of the movie. Madsen isn't a lead actor, not even a supporting one but just a guest star. So the trailer was misleading as hell.

Storywise: it was okay, the concept was good, but the dialogs were awful and that you have to blame the screenplay for it. One other thing that disturbed me is that it seems that in Amsterdam they all speak English instead of Dutch.

Acting: Apart from Madsen they all suck pretty hard. Worst cast of the year. Bunch of students trying to act.

Action: Where was the action? Literally? You see they are fighting but you never see the kicks or punches. Lammest thing ever. Special for an action film done in 2011.

Amsterdam Heavy is a very bad movie, with a good concept but very bad screenplay, acting, directing, and so on....

1 out of 10 for me, and I'm amazed it got so many 10's but then again, all the crew must have voted 10.

Lots of fun!

[snobabie22 · 10/10 · 20 October 2011]

Amsterdam Heavy is a fun ride that takes you through the streets of Amsterdam! There is a lot of non-stop action, campy dialogue, and some Michael Madsen so I was pretty entertained. At a time when Hollywood keeps turning out the same things year after year it is nice to see something different and clearly independent. Allison Carroll gives a great performance and is really great to watch. In my opinion she is the center of the story and really holds it all together. It was also interesting to get to see a bunch of Dutch actors I would have never got the chance to see, had it not been for this film. Overall I enjoyed it!

Surprising action film with touch of nice humour

[clocktowerlad · 7/10 · 4 September 2017]

I didn't know what to expect with this film and looks like the action movie trolls don't like it so much but no wonder as its trying to be much more than a meat headed action flick. Some of the fights like the one in the underpass work great but don't have all the usual 'slow mo punch ' fight clichés, it's all over fast and dirty like a fight in a pub. The films got some wry humour too and does not take itself too seriously why should it? (At one point our tough hero gets handed some guns in a flowery bag ha ha) Yes the Dutch acting is not so great so times but they really used some interesting bits of Amsterdam for locations ...how come the pimps didn't throw them in the nearest canal? the Dutch bad guy cop is great though and I think he should have a series. I really liked this and it made me want to go back and see Amsterdam again. Liked the music tracks too.

Two Thumbs Down.

[photomiro · 19 September 2011]

One of the worst movie I saw in my entire life. In the Middle East they make better movies with a lower budget. There is no story Acting is very bad actually it's hopeless case . Even children between 5 and eight can act better in a movie. I was shocked to see a movie this bad in 2011 . The production is bad the music is terrible the special effects is very very bad . I have no idea how they came up with this idea to make a movie this bad. If they give awards for bad movies I think this movie should get the first prize. Even Michael Madsen who was a good actor in the past of course in my opinion he should be ashamed of himself to act in movies this bad. I saw a few movies lately by Madsen he really sucks . So in my opinion stay away from watching this movie because you are going to waste an hour or so from your precious life .

Amsterdam Action

[hibiki-1 · 8/10 · 17 September 2011]

Amsterdam Heavy boils on the screen with non stop action, pulsing beats and a streak of dark humor, as an ex undercover cop smuggles himself back to Amsterdam to take revenge on a local crime boss who has tried to stitch him up big time.

He fights his way out of the airport at the same time trying to recover his memory and work out who he really is. There's tons of fight action and some twists and turns along the way as he smashes his way through the Amsterdam underworld.

An array of kookie characters get in his way as he gets closer to taking his revenge. But the real bad guy is not who he set out to get in the first place... fast, gritty and larger than life Amsterdam Heavy does the job.

Amsterdam Heavy- Not your typical Hollywood blockbuster...

[lorna-martin · 24 September 2011]

It seems like this movie is getting some harsh and I would have to argue unfair reviews!

I decided to check out Amsterdam heavy when I saw it for sale in Tescos. With a title like Amsterdam Heavy I was expecting some pretty action-packed, arse kicking fight scenes and that's exactly what this movie is all about!

The story has an entertaining and interesting concept which is delivered through a cast of both up and coming and renowned talent- Michael Madson is particularly of credit in his role as CIA Agent Martin Keele. The movie intertwines violence, action, dark humour and sex appeal to create an action packed 90 minute roller coaster ride into the criminal heart of Amsterdam. Okay so the fight scenes might not quite be Micheal Bay standard- but hey, the guys not the be all and end all… Michael Wright is a talented English director and who said action is dependant on how extreme you can make an explosion?!

If you're looking for a unique watch that will keep your adrenaline pumping and your palms sweaty - Amsterdam Heavy is most definitely movie for you. Check it out.

An entertaining and exhilarating film - 7/10

Amsterdam action! all the way...

[hydradragon72 · 10/10 · 6 November 2011]

Amsterdam Heavy does what it says on the box and packs a ton of action in its 90 minutes. There's some dodgy dutch dealing but out hero kicks ass all the way to the end and eventually pieces his memory back together but he goes on to fight another day. Some great stuff in the Red Light in Amsterdam and some funny one liners. It's not a Bourne budget but it makes up for it with some screwed up action (chase on bikes!) and a sense of two fisted fun. So what if we've seen the 'lost his memory' gag before it's a beer and pizza movie if you want art house see tree of life. Alison Carroll is awesome as the 'stripper with guns' and Jeroen Post is a funny, funny bad guy. Great music too.

Great fight scenes; underground Amsterdam; sexy women.

[nadzeya_h · 10 October 2011]

I see a lot of bad reviews here and I don't agree with people who don't see great moments of this movie. First of all, there's Amsterdam itself. It is a great, fresh location for an action movie. It reveals the underground criminal element but is still so mysteriously beautiful. We all love Amsterdam for being a "badass" city and a sin city but also romantic at the same time.

Fight scenes are very well done in Amsterdam Heavy. I would agree there are several scenes where the camera could get a better view of fight details but the choreography of fights and their intensity were very cool and engaging. It was also very pleasant to see the MMA fighters and a famous gymnast.

I must mention the sexy female characters, including hot deadly assassins.

I see some people have a problem with Dutch actors speaking English. I think that it make the movie even more interesting, however I can understand that for Dutch people it might sound a little unusual.

Watch the movie and decide yourself.

Action and gripping

[skyjordy2002 · 9/10 · 16 October 2011]

I think this movie is ace! Love the bad ass woman in it and some funny one liners, some of the fight scenes were ace and the story line kept me guessing right till the end. Lots of firm titties too! The sex scene was good because it was not graphic which the film didn't need. The scenes of Amsterdam were great it really gave a feel for the vibe and setting of the whole movie. Was good to go into Hong Kong as well as this is my mother land was nice to see some action being performed. The scene in the kitchen at the restaurant was so real that it made me winze.

Am looking out for the next film from this grew keep in the one liners and the hot bad ass chicks.