My Family (TV Series)
A Difficult Undertaking (2009)
Gabriel Thomson: Michael Harper
Quotes
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Ben Harper : What's going on?
Michael Harper : Mum called a family meeting.
Ben Harper : Really? Oh, right. I'll get out of your hair, then!
Susan Harper : Whoa! Not so fast! You're a member of this family too, you know?
Michael Harper : Only in the same way that a hyena is a dog.
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Susan Harper : Uncle Norris died this morning.
Ben Harper : I'm sorry, darling. I'm sorry. Were you very close?
Susan Harper : He was *your* uncle!
Ben Harper : He was? He was! No, he was! He was my... he was my uncle! Yeah, nasty uncle Norris! Yeah, the meanest man alive!
Michael Harper : Well, now he's dead, that title's all yours, dad!
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Janey Harper : Dad, are there actually any relatives you get on with?
Ben Harper : Do you include yourselves in this?
Michael Harper : Yes.
Ben Harper : Not really, no.
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Janey Harper : Which one was uncle Norris again?
Michael Harper : Was he the one who wore a dress to my 10th birthday?
Susan Harper : No, that was your uncle Steven.
Ben Harper : [Coughs] Your mother's side.
Janey Harper : Was he the one who asked me out on a date?
Susan Harper : No, that was your uncle Gary.
Ben Harper : [Coughs] Your mother's side.
Michael Harper : Who was the one on the paper for sending his underwear to Prince Harry?
Susan Harper : Oh, that was your uncle James.
[Coughs]
Susan Harper : Your father's side.
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Susan Harper : Are you sure you play these numbers?
Ben Harper : Sure! Susan, I always play those numbers! 7, 12, 18, 19, 25 - come on! Kids' birthdays!
Michael Harper : Those aren't our birthdays.
Ben Harper : Well, some kids' birthdays!
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Alfie Butts : [Looking for uncle Norris' coffin] Which one is, Mr Harper? They're not marked.
Ben Harper : If I know that cheapskate Norris, it'll be this one. Yeah. Yeah, he would have taken the cheapest option. No, no, no, no, no, no! He would have... he would have spent the money on himself. It'll be the... ah, this one. The expensive one. The mahogany one.
Michael Harper : Dad, this isn't Deal Or No Deal! Just pick a box!
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Alfie Butts : Oh! I think I found your uncle Norris!
Michael Harper : How do you know? You've never met him.
Alfie Butts : I have a spiritual connection with the deceased... plus, he's wearing your suit.
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Ben Harper : [Trying to find his lottery ticket in his dead uncle's coffin] Right, sod it! Let's just take the suit! Come on!
Michael Harper : Oh, good lord, no!
Ben Harper : Yes! Just hold the coffin! Go on! Hold it! While I strip my dead uncle's corpse!
Michael Harper : You know, some fathers take their kids fishing!