Faith Salie: Caitlin

Quotes 

• Barbara Caufield : [got a big smooch]  What do you think you're doing?

  Ryan Malloy : Proudly showing you my appreciation for last night. It was sweet of you to sneak out while I was sleeping, you little minx!

  Barbara Caufield : I wasn't with you last night.

  Ryan Malloy : Sure! Then why did I wake up wet *and* with my pajama bottoms on backwards?

  Barbara Caufield : Have you ever considered that you might have been dreaming?

  Ryan Malloy : Sure, like I really dreamt that you flew into my room and screamed "Ryan, hit me harder!" while floating around in the room, wearing nothing but high heels and a cape. The only one dreaming was you when you said "Marry me!"

  [gets looked at as if he's nuts] 

  Tiffany Malloy : [enters]  Hello, Barbara. It's time.

  Ryan Malloy : [to Caitlin]  So what's going on here?

  Caitlin : College acceptance showdown. I've seen it happen in other schools. It's gonna be a real bloodbath.

  [Ryan awaits all somber, and Caitlin grins wickedly] 

  Barbara Caufield : All right, we both know why we're really here Only one school matters.

  Tiffany Malloy : Harvard.

  [they both discard all their other mail] 

  Barbara Caufield : [both open their Harvard missives]  I'm in!

  Tiffany Malloy : [checks hers as well]  I'm in! Well, since we're both going, we might as well be friends.

  Barbara Caufield : Oh...

  [they hug, but as she does so, checks up on Tiffany's acceptance] 

  Barbara Caufield : Wait a second! We don't have to be friends! You didn't qualify for financial aid.

  Tiffany Malloy : [shocked]  What? How can that be?

  [laments:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : My father makes less than a mop-up boy at The Pussycat Theatre! Where's God when you need him?

  Ryan Malloy : Well, he wasn't in my room last night. 'Cause Barbara kept screaming "Oh, God, oh, God!" But nobody stopped me, did they?