Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)
Le Morte D'Floppy (1999)
Wendy Benson-Landes: Barbara Caufield
Quotes
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Barbara Caufield : [got a big smooch] What do you think you're doing?
Ryan Malloy : Proudly showing you my appreciation for last night. It was sweet of you to sneak out while I was sleeping, you little minx!
Barbara Caufield : I wasn't with you last night.
Ryan Malloy : Sure! Then why did I wake up wet *and* with my pajama bottoms on backwards?
Barbara Caufield : Have you ever considered that you might have been dreaming?
Ryan Malloy : Sure, like I really dreamt that you flew into my room and screamed "Ryan, hit me harder!" while floating around in the room, wearing nothing but high heels and a cape. The only one dreaming was you when you said "Marry me!"
[gets looked at as if he's nuts]
Tiffany Malloy : [enters] Hello, Barbara. It's time.
Ryan Malloy : [to Caitlin] So what's going on here?
Caitlin : College acceptance showdown. I've seen it happen in other schools. It's gonna be a real bloodbath.
[Ryan awaits all somber, and Caitlin grins wickedly]
Barbara Caufield : All right, we both know why we're really here Only one school matters.
Tiffany Malloy : Harvard.
[they both discard all their other mail]
Barbara Caufield : [both open their Harvard missives] I'm in!
Tiffany Malloy : [checks hers as well] I'm in! Well, since we're both going, we might as well be friends.
Barbara Caufield : Oh...
[they hug, but as she does so, checks up on Tiffany's acceptance]
Barbara Caufield : Wait a second! We don't have to be friends! You didn't qualify for financial aid.
Tiffany Malloy : [shocked] What? How can that be?
[laments:]
Tiffany Malloy : My father makes less than a mop-up boy at The Pussycat Theatre! Where's God when you need him?
Ryan Malloy : Well, he wasn't in my room last night. 'Cause Barbara kept screaming "Oh, God, oh, God!" But nobody stopped me, did they?