When We Leave (2010) User Reviews

Powerful film, dealing with an urgent issue

[rubenm · 7/10 · 13 March 2011]

After seeing this film, I assumed it was directed by a Turkish director named Feo Aladag. When I googled this name, a picture of a young blond woman filled the screen. As it turned out, Feo Aladag is an Austrian actress/director, married to Turkish/German author Zuli Aladag, who is also the producer of Die Fremde.

I mention this because I think it is important. In this film, the Turkish community in Germany is not pictured in a very favourable way. The story shows the fate of Umay, a young Turkish/German woman who wants a divorce because her husband beats her and because, perhaps more importantly, she doesn't love him. She leaves her husband and moves with her young son to her family in Berlin. Surprisingly, her father and brother take sides with her husband and urge her to return to him. In their view, she has dishonoured her husband and her own family by separating her son from his father. This conflict escalates in a dramatic way, with terrible consequences.

The film pictures Umay as a woman who is denied her 'Western' rights as a woman and a mother, and shows her family as driven by 'non-Western' values like honour and tradition. For them, the community is superior over the individual. For her, it's the other way round.

The message is pessimistic. Umay is a Turkish woman who adopts the German lifestyle. She wants to live her own life. She follows the integration model that the Turkish people in Western Europe are supposed to follow. But her brother and sister don't support her, although they are born and raised in Germany. They speak the German language, but think the Turkish way.

Like some of the films of Faith Akin (in which lead actress Sibel Kekilli also starred) this film focuses on the problems of the Turkish community in Germany. But it has a darker and more pessimistic tone. It's a very powerful movie, dealing with a very urgent issue.

A simple story casting deep shadows on great problems

[djansen24 · 8/10 · 10 August 2014]

This film is very realistic. Its detailed depiction of one Turkish family living in Berlin casts overtones for a greater problem of European multiculturalism. But forget the wider scope of those implications for now. The film is very focused on Turkish culture within Germany and one of its great weaknesses: what it considers to be saving the "honor" of the family. The older daughter in the film has left her violent and abusive husband in Turkey and moved back to her family in Germany. Her parents immediately side with her husband, and they repeatedly ask the daughter to return to him. But the daughter has sacrificed much to get away, and will not return. After an attempt to kidnap her son and return him to the father fails, she moves out...and moves again...and moves again as problems mount. Her younger brother and sister, although initially supportive of her, slowly begin to turn against her as the shame of her living independently with child causes the Turkish community to isolate the family. This ultimately leads to a final decision by the men in the family, with tragic results.

The family is Muslim, although Islam is not portrayed as the reason why the family is shamed by the older daughter. In the culture, it is easy for an independent woman to bring shame to the family, especially if she leaves her husband. At no time do the parents ever seriously consider the perspective of their daughter. It is quite clear, she has to maintain the family honor at all costs; which in this case means returning to her husband. As the daughter continues to make unwise choices by maintaining contact with her family because she loves them, the unwritten codes of this "honor" system will drive the family into greater acts of cruelty. This film can make you very angry indeed at the injustice to women done by patriarch based communal cultures. The "honor" that they cling to is so twisted. It is based on a superficial sense of righteousness that has little basis in truth. It is more concerned with appearances than justice. More concerned with blind obedience than righteousness. And that concept is promoted in Islam, though not exclusively.

This film should be mandatory viewing for any woman in similar straits as the main character in the film who has needed to separate from the family for safety. The Germans have provided good resources for such women, but they are advised, "For now, avoid contact with your family." One of this beautifully done film's main points is: Once you leave or are forced to leave the family, it may be for good. You cannot expect your family to sympathize with you, support you, or even accept you as family. There is a good chance they WILL turn against you if the community slanders the family. And a woman who leaves her abusive husband, lives alone, calls the police for safety, or takes any action to safeguard her life and livelihood may very well be thought of as nothing more than a "whore" by the rest of the German Turkish community. Contact your family again at risk to your life! I would wish that Turkish men (those who are perpetrators, that is) who see this would also feel ashamed for some of their sexist standards, but I don't know if they would...

The film is very moving and well done. The actors all fulfill their roles, particularly the leading lady. The eye communication of the cast is extremely profound, leaving you wondering about all of the unspoken thoughts stewing in their heads. The writing allows sympathy with all of the characters while still clearly pointing out who is right and who is wrong. You see they all have deep passions about righteousness. It's just that some are righteous and others are not. It is a simple story that casts deep shadows on complexities of cultural clashes. This is not a film that will break grounds in cinematography, but it is a brave film and urgent as the Muslim (both immigrant and native) population rises in Europe. Hopefully this will start a trend that will cause the Turkish culture to think about what true honoring of the family really is.

Definitely worth a watch - with some blank areas

[memory_shell · 7/10 · 23 September 2010]

I have seen that the previous reviews on the movie also focused on describing the male-dominant concept existing in very Turkish culture. I will choose not to proceed with that part primarily, but only will share my impressions on the movie itself.

However, I should still note that these fictitious series of events filmed are not unfortunately far away from the many, that are actual and real life stories.

Positive Impressions:

• Sibel Kekilli appears to have pulled off a very good job with acting. Her role shares many things in common with the one she had in Head On- Gegen die Wand-Duvara Karsi. Her acting was obviously one of the major factors that would significantly influence the overall score, she definitely did a good job.

• The script itself is generally very realistic, mostly good at simulating a similar incidence that could have happened. It has errors to a certain level from where I look, which I will share later on.

• Dynamics of this family, with their sensitivity to gossips within their society and the type of expressions they use to deal with things etc. is projected quite accurately. There is a problem with technical depiction of the family, that I will point later on.

Negative Impressions:

• The family itself, as it has been accurately pointed in one of the other reviews, does not support their suggested background.

This corrupted social understanding is righteously attributed in one other reviews "to have become a method even independent from Muslim culture itself". Different backgrounds carry different amounts of this understanding. One family would have minded just a little bit, whereas the second would condemn their daughter at any chance, and a third would decide to "eliminate the problem".

The third type of family is usually, if actually not always, belong to a very rural background. This third type of family, pictured in the photo didn't reflect such a background with the way they look or the way they talk. Umay's husband, even an accurate choice with his looks, sounded way too urban in the first minutes of the movie. Umay's mother, while with a rural way of talking in the first half, gradually transformed to a typical Istanbul lady with her pronounciation. The older brother was the best among others, whereas he alone couldn't suffice to keep the picture intact with the suggested background of the family. I believe a family image with sharper edges would have kept the picture more appropriate within the borders of realism.

I would like to underline once more that the suggested background exists and is projected just to-the-point with choice of expressions family members use -whereas members themselves technically failed to give the impression of a "third-type family".

• As pointed once more in another review, you can never expect Turkish men to stop looking ahead and start watching their children while they are praying. While doesn't seem like a big issue for the whole movie, it essentially degrades the charm of the movie on viewers who are familiar with the culture.

• I have also been thinking several things about the plot, without coming to a final conclusion about what could have been better.

* It's kind of complicated with why Umay goes to the sister's wedding... She promised her sister about it but she also recently moved away when her brother found out about where she lives. I'm not perfectly sure with the accuracy of realism here. However, it seems quite possible for a young lady who is so suppressed under clash of cultures to act emotional, as her conscious gets (unfortunately) less and less comfortable about the way she treated her family.

* Also, the younger brother slapping Umay in the wedding, who has also been motivated to shoot her has been closer to "making sense" side of the shore during first half of the movie. He actually didn't seem to be really vulnerable to possible manipulations in the house, as he was apparently integrated deeper to the culture of the country. However, he was young and he was also under high supression, which can somehow justify his vulnerability.

* I am also not very satisfied with the ending sequence. An older brother waiting with a knife in the corner for the younger brother to shoot the sister with a gun, then taking the job over when the younger fails. It's quite suspicious why he didn't pull the child off before going for some stabbing. I would picture an evening scene in some silent corner of the city, where the kid would be taken away by younger brother to somewhere else and Umay would have been killed by the older one.

Finally, I am not perfectly sure if a complete outsider to the whole thing would get the concept and dynamics of the social structures in the movie. The movie itself did quite a good job with it, it's only about imagining reaction of a perfect strange to the culture and this content. I naturally cannot be objective, since I already have knowledge about the whole thing.

Even I have noted many negative impressions, at the end of the day (with a Turkish way of saying something), this movie is generally very real. The chain of events, apart from the technical depiction of the family, definitely make sense, since there are unfortunately similar real life incidents continuing to happen every year. It is a good feeling to see an above-the-average attempt on screen for giving a chance to every individual, to leave anything else than their sole humanity outside the theatre and watch -and think.

a film like a landmine, unfortunately close to the truth

[Radu_A · 9/10 · 6 September 2010]

The treatment of Muslim societies in the media in general and in film in particular has been subject to much agenda setting and bias. On the one hand, this has led to frequently arrogant defamation of the cultures of one fifth of humanity, on the other hand, the discourse has helped to highlight problems of Muslim integration which are often ignored under the convenient excuse of multiculturalism. What is more important: respect for other cultures living among us or concern for the plight of the individual subjected to an excessive chauvinism that allows for nothing but submission to it?

Feo Aladag's position on this is clear, but she avoids simplifications by sticking to one woman's story, and keeping that story close, while not identical, to the events that inspired it - namely the much publicized 2005 murder of Hatun Sürücü in Berlin, albeit with a surprising twist. Some may find the depictions of a regressive macho cult in German-Turkish families and social life exaggerated, especially since the acting of the supporting cast is a bit shaky at times. But as someone who has lived in a Turkish neighborhood in Berlin, I have to declare it's not. It's disturbingly close to the truth - not the distorted truth of tabloids, but the truth of people I'm close to.

The minimalistic approach of the film would usually render it a rather harmless affair, in spite of its controversial subject matter - were it not for Sibel Kekilli's outstanding performance, for which she received, among other awards, best actress at the Tribeca festival. Her heartfelt, knowing and yet forgiving gaze at the suffocating world she lives in speaks of personal experience with the role she portrays. 'When we leave' establishes her as the most exciting German actress of today.

It should be noted, by the way, that Islamic law does not condone honorary murders and considers these just as much as crimes as Western law does. Also, this practice is not exclusive to Muslim societies, but used to be widespread in Christian countries as well, where it might still occur as a justification for homicide. But these clarifications could not have been included in this film, which tells one story, and tells it well.

Excellent from Start to Finish

[amazon-41 · 10/10 · 23 August 2010]

Within 30 seconds of the film's opening scene, we know we're entering a complex, and very real world.

Later we see Umay, our lead character, lying on a doctor's table and we immediately fall in love with her. There is something magical and loving about the way the camera moves around her. That's all the character development we need, but this heroine (and I mean this in a literal sense; Umay, to me, is a hero in the best sense of the word) continues to evolve and reveal amazing traits in a complicated situation that mere mortals would fold under.

This Turkish film is about familial bonds, deep and abiding love and human rights. It attempts to bridge the gap between traditional cultures and their inherent focus on family as one's primary means of survival, and post-industrial (Western) culture in which human rights and dignity are of paramount importance.

'When We Leave' reminds us westerners of what we sacrificed in the name of economic and political progress while illuminating what is now, to us, a little-understood truth: The "Old Days" weren't always "The Good old Days."

I cannot recommend this film highly enough. Sibel Kekilli's performance as Umay must be the finest role, male or female, of the entire year. And what a face! One could watch the entire film with no audible dialog and be transfixed throughout by this wonderful actor's countenance. Too bad she won't be considered for a Oscar!

die fremde

[u-32187 · 7/10 · 10 April 2020]

The film she she is a victim of the traditional culture, in the cultural system of human nature, she just husband and home accessories, and is never her own most of the world are all traditional male-dominated roles if which day I hope the human progress in addition to the increasingly advanced technology and the trend of men's and women's position is equal

i have been there ..

[ssdd_000 · 10/10 · 10 October 2014]

I would like to thank everyone who created this heart breaking movie, you might question the story line if it's true story or not. I have signed up just to tell you that it's true and some women who have suffered like Umay and had experienced much more greater pain and near death experience from there own family. I'm one of them.. a 30 years old woman with 7 years old child. The difference between me and Umya is that when she found the door locked in her family place, she called the police And  I can't ! the difference is she is living in country that respects humans and offer help to anyone in danger while I'm not .. I'm living in the most restricted religious  country that gave men the power in everything to control a women life. I have called violence police unite and they couldn't reach me. I have been threatened by machine gun day and night. I can't take my son and run away cause nothing can be done without guardian permission. My story continues and this movie have given my strength to fight my own battle. The question will remains (am I allowed to take the decision of my son's life.. or  leave my son with my family so he do experience the life of a refugee with his mom ?) Thank you again ..  this movie touched my heart and I'll always remember Umay ..

You leave God out of it. He has nothing to do with this.

[elsinefilo · 26 August 2010]

Austrian actress Feo Aladag's directorial debut touches upon the concept of "namus" which has been treated many times before. Namus,which is roughly translated as "honor" is a female-bound ethical category in patriarchal societies. It is ostensibly a part of the traditionalist Muslim societies but the concept "namus" actually predates Islam and the Judeo-Christian religion. Regarded as the perfect form of female appropriateness today,namus in time lost its connection with religion and became an expression of hidebound traditionality.What makes this concept a popular subject for the cinema makers is the fact that the very concept does not set any rules for men in uber-conservative societies.In such a society males are supposed to control the women in their families. The fact that men are unaccountable for their actions while women should act perfectly along the line of appropriateness shows that "namus" came to be social mores that has not much to do with religion. In the movie Sibelli Kekilli plays a battered housewife who has been continuously abused by her husband. When she can't take it anymore she decides to go back to her family in Germany. Her family gives her a chilly welcome when they realize she is planning to leave her husband. Presumably from a generation of Gastarbeiter, the family is utterly conservative and a daughter's coming back to family with her kid and ending her marriage is unthinkable for them no matter how violent her husband would be. No matter how many times it has been treated before, the subject is a humanitarian one.It is not difficult to denounce the tartuffery of pious morality but you need to get credits for that. Die Fremde does not exactly offer a thought-provoking portrait of a damsel in distress.It feels like shouting at your face and telling you "I have thought of everything for you." Umay pursues an effectively independent way for herself and her son. She leaves her husband, she even leaves her family when she realizes that they will take her son from her. What does she do then? In spite of the warnings of foster home authorities, she continues to see her family. Though she gets physically attacked by her brother, she goes to her sister's wedding. Is that the way a girl who wants be independent should act? Why should a girl who has found a -sweet,caring boyfriend who wants be a father for her kid- be a pathetic person? Feo Aladag criticizes the stubbornly prejudiced, narrow-minded and inflexible mores of this society but she just indulges in incoherences. When Umay's mother Halime (Derya Alabora) hears that her other daughter Rana (Almila Bagriacik) is pregnant from her boyfriend all she says is "We're ruined." and the father just sighs when her wife says "they must get married". In a family like the one in the movie, Rana is supposed to be killed because of having blemished family's honor. What does the father do? The father chooses to pay the boy's father to get a definite marriage.Instead the family decides to kill the other daughter who can legally get a divorce.Let alone the fact the the characters do not act like a Turk (when the conversation turns into Turkish the characters do not sound as natural as they sound in Turkish.No Turkish-Muslim watches his son's imitative praying instead of following the imam during the salat in the mosque)they do not really give the reactions you expect from a traditionalist family. Sibel Kekilli's acting is superb but the story remains unconvincing,slipping too easily into melodrama and a series of incoherent scenes.

devastating lost of honor

[SnoopyStyle · 7/10 · 16 October 2016]

Umay leaves her abusive husband Kemal in Istanbul with her son Cem to go home to Germany. Her father Kader is concerned about the family's honor. The older brother Mehmet is angry. The youngest brother Acar is scared but kind. Kemal rejects Umay but wants his son Cem back. As Kader and Mehmet try to force the situation, Umay calls the police and she escapes with Cem to a women's shelter. She finds a job with a supportive boss and a new boyfriend. Her younger sister Rana is rejected by her fiancee's father due to the situation. Rana tells her mother that she's desperate to marry Duran because she's secretly pregnant. Kader has to pay off the father to get them married. Umay shows up unexpectedly at the wedding and has a meltdown. Even Acar is forced to confront the lost of family honor.

The portrait of the lost of family honor is devastating. The pressure feels real. The need for Umay to reconnect with her family does feel unreasonable and excessive. I doubt a reasonable Umay would show up at the wedding. After the wedding, it seems impossible for her to go to the hospital especially carrying her son with her. Then the final scene has too many twists. It only accentuates the twisty manufactured nature of the writing. Writer/director Feo Aladag needs to tone down some of the more melodramatic developments in the last act.

"Leave Him out of it, God has nothing to do with this"

[LinJason · 10/10 · 27 November 2010]

Feo Aladag's debut feature comes to you with such a powerful presence that it is unlikely anyone will falter under her silver screen plea of sincerity and truth about violence against women and their rights under religious restraints. This narrative drama is void of plot clichés and feels a lot like a documentary, convincing of an ill-fated woman's horrible chapter captured on film.

Austrian actress Aladag's first feature film is powerful and overwhelming for the film community, depicting a Muslim woman's struggle for freedom and human rights in the light of religious complications. It is made with such rawness that is almost too convincing as a drama genre film, feeling more like a documentary on the big screen. There is almost no single scene in it that makes you go "Hmm, that is scripted" even though it is, by Aladag herself.

We are looking at superb directing and writing here by a first time feature film-maker, which is a wonderful surprise that leaves us craving for more of her works to come. Perhaps it is her passion to promote anti-violence against women as well as women's rights, allowing her to be devoted towards this film as a mass media tool of propaganda for a good cause.

I for one, am very convinced and inspired by her film.

Sibel Kekilli (previously earning accolades for "Head-On") deserves (Oscar nomination worthy) recognition for her portrayal of Umay as she manages her emotions so well to evoke strong feelings within the audience. I felt so much for Umay and her son Cem, wondering how can such tragedy befall upon them and at some points experiencing this passive urge to extend my helping hand towards them.

No film has ever made me feel this way.

Aladag illustrates the modern European society's concerns over integrating Muslim immigrants into the EU community, where the line to draw between intercultural tolerance and interference is vaguely debatable. Just how much can one's deprival of basic human rights be justified by any religion, the very one that supposedly exists to give us hope, security, and moral guidance?

Pressurised by how the conservative Muslim community judges their family based upon Umay's individual revolt against norms, her family becomes very uptight and volatile regarding the new found woe and remains adamant against her doings. There is very little act of love revealed under their furious demeanour throughout the film, but I do believe that Umay does hold a place in their hearts no matter how small it is becoming. Her religious family has perhaps overtly regarded faith as the utmost authority that cannot be defied, one that even transcends blood ties.

Interestingly, her two brothers played an integral part in conveying the sentiments of the young Muslim generation. Both brothers did not know what they should do, except by faith and teachings since young to always follow the intentions of their parents. None of them tried to hold rational family discussions to speak on this, where everything is decided by the head of the family. With their parents heavily stuck in the mud of traditional values and culture intolerance, the brothers eventually caved in and followed suit to resist their sister.

Umay and Cem are being ill-treated by her abusive husband (coerced sexual activities and violence), leaves him and runs home to her family who regards her act as a shameful disgrace. Umay's father mentioned that upon marriage, she belongs to her husband. Does that mean that she has to suffer silently even when her husband tears off a limb or two from her or even end her life? It is also cruelly brought up that when her family has to choose between the community and Umay, they will never choose her.

These are questions that one has to ask oneself, regardless of religion and cultural background.

In 2005, 23 year-old Hatun Sürücü was shot to death by her youngest brother, at the instruction of his family, at a bus stop near her residence. This was classified as one of the shocking "Honour killings" trend in Germany, where the father has actually ordered for the murder of his own daughter. Hatun was married against her will to her cousin for eight years and decided to leave him with her then five year-old son. Hatun was pursuing an education and an internship as an electrician after she left her husband.

This film follows with reference to the 2005 tragedy, but the ending (though similarly unfortunate in nature) is not the one as mentioned above. So no spoilers pertaining to the film's ending.

A simple issue of a woman's ill-treatment by her abusive husband and her decision to leave her misery behind for a better life that everyone deserves. There is no religious implications here. It is not up to God to decide who should be ill-treated or deprived of human rights, it is up to us to stop violence and unjust treatment as fellow human beings. Sadly, although the misfortune of Umay (and Hatun) was derivative of religious intolerance, the entire affair has nothing to do with religion.

Umay has removed her head scarf in the film ever since her family disapproves of her intentions. This may be deemed as her disregard of and revolt against religion, but I feel that it is more of a revolt against unjustified suppression of her personal freedom and rights. Her removal of her scarf may simply imply that it has nothing to do with religion.

Just as what Umay's superior has said to her father during an unannounced home visit,

"Leave Him out of it, God has nothing to do with this".

Too terrible, but too true

[Red-125 · 9/10 · 27 March 2011]

Die Fremde (2010) was shown in the U.S. with the title "When We Leave." The film is written and directed by Feo Aladag, a German woman who is very familiar with the culture of Turkish families living in Germany.

Umay, played with outstanding skill by Sibel Kekilli, is a young woman who grew up in Germany, but who lives with her husband and his family in Turkey. Umay lives within the strictly patriarchal traditional society of Turkey, which includes--in her case--being beaten by her husband. She takes her young son with her and escapes to Germany, where her family lives.

The remainder of the movie concerns Umay's attempt to reintegrate herself into her family, and into mainstream German culture. Although she is treated well by the Germans with whom she has contact, she is barely tolerated--at best--by her family.

When Umay learns that her brother is planning to kidnap her son and send him back to Turkey, she leaves again, and goes to what appears to be a shelter for battered women.

Although she is treated well at the shelter, she cannot bear to cut herself off from her family. She keeps returning, and keeps being rejected, sometimes psychologically, sometimes physically. She keeps hoping that their (real) love for her will overcome the humiliation they feel because her behavior is considered shameful.

The acting in this film is outstanding, and there are no weak links. However, I have to single out the young boy--Cem--played by Nizam Schiller. He is uncannily believable as a child who can't understand why he must move, and then move again, and yet again.

We saw this film at the excellent Little Theatre in Rochester, NY. However, it will do well on DVD. Incidentally, the original title "Die Fremde," means "strangers" or "foreigners." This title is more accurate than the U.S. title, because Umay and Cem are foreigners wherever they go.

This film is relatively long, and very grim. There is one scene of high spirits as Umay and a young German man ride through Berlin on a motorbike, but it doesn't ring true. All the rest is grim, grimmer, and, ultimately, grimmest.

I'm not going to reveal the ending. The reason I labeled this review as a spoiler--a first for me--is that potential viewers should know that this is a great film, but it is extremely depressing. You can't walk out of the theater, or get to the end of the DVD, and just move on. So it's a "must-see" film, but only if you can handle the emotional consequences.

Examination of a primitive sociological issue

[mgungora · 5/10 · 21 March 2011]

The basic plot is simple: a young lady with a crazy in-laws feds up and leaves making her a total outcast. The acting seemed a bit too dramatic and overly polished. The actors are obviously talented and have done their best, but it showed that they were trying too hard, which took away the realism I was anticipating. More than a few scenes were simply yelling and slapping which I've found quite raw. The close-ups were nice generally with beautiful faces, occasionally with oblique views. At times, when we were shown a scene with people staring at each other silently which meant that the discussion was over, I wondered if that was really the case and not if we were witnessing a zen moment. As a side note, I just have to point out that the subject of film has little to do with religion or being a "muslim". The problem is far too deep which is really a sociological phenomena rooted in dogmatic cultural upbringings and a feudal life style (mostly) of the eastern part of country where people are just a dot in the family picture rather than individuals with autonomy. You could see that nobody in the family wanted to be a part of what was going on but they could not behave otherwise -- they were slaves of their communities even thousands of miles away.

Heaven Is Not a Place on Earth

[aMomentaryLapseOfReason · 10/10 · 2 June 2011]

I've never watched the same movie three times in a day. Until now.

Die Fremde ("When We Leave", probably a better translation would be "The Strangers") is a story about Umay, a young woman living with her husband and son in Istanbul. To protect the child and herself from an oppressive marriage she decides to leave the husband and move back to her family in Germany. Her father, confronted with the choice whether to support and protect his daughter or to be publicly humiliated by the Turkish community, decides to comply with established social norms and wants to send them back to Turkey. Umay refuses to go, but the family is determined to send the child back to the father. From this point the story describes Umay's attempts to protect the child from being taken from her and re-gain acceptance of her family as a single mother.

The movie made tremendous impression on me. Watching was a real life changing experience. The most impressive aspect was definitely Umay's character played by Sibel Kekilli. There is something magnificent about her. I believe I learned more from Umay about the love, acceptance and forgiveness than from all the years spent in church.

On the negative side I didn't really like the ending, but you can't win them all.

I was curious to find out what critics have to say about the movie. Interestingly, most of them missed the main theme. The movie is not about a Muslim women trying to "embrace Western values of personal integrity and freedom", or "clash of the cultures". Umay was born in Germany, her best friend is a Non-Muslim, and apparently she is very well adopted into Western society. This is a story of a mother who is dedicated to the well-being of the child and she does not want to compromise his happiness because of any social expectations, whether they are coming from Western Society or from Islam religion. As such, the story is universal and applicable to theists and atheists, East and West.

Probably one of the best movies I've ever seen and certainly the most influential.

Poignant and touching and sadly very realistic

[Horst_In_Translation · 10/10 · 16 March 2016]

"Die Fremde" or "When We Leave" is a German/Turkish production from 6 years ago. The movie won awards all over the world and was picked as Germany's submission to the Academy Award for the foreign language category. But it was not chosen for a nomination sadly, got snubbed just like "The Edge of Heaven" a couple years earlier. I guess German films with this multi-cultural background just are not to the Academy's liking. Well.. it is their loss as these 110 minutes here are an absolutely outstanding achievement and a truly positive step into filmmaking by writer and director Feo Aladag. And equally much praise from me goes to lead actress Sibel Kekilli, who is in basically every scene of the film and delivers a stunning portrayal as a young Turkish woman/mother whose "terrible" actions (she got divorced, has a German boyfriend, won't give up on her son...) resulted in her being humiliated by her family and becoming an outcast. Yet it is not so easy as she does not want to give up on them and there are moments when they don't seem to give up on her either. It is nice to see that performances like these got her into "Game of Thrones", even if I am not a fan of the series. I hope she can keep having a great career, also abroad. She deserves all the praise and accolades she gets.

Umay, the main character, gets humiliated emotionally and occasionally also physically from start to finish here. Kekilli delivers a truly heartbreaking performance of a modern young woman whose love for her son is too big to be able to accept stupid, nonsensical Turkish customs in terms of gender roles. If the man does not want to be with the woman any more, it is all the woman's fault and she has brought shame upon her family. The concept of "Ehrenmord" (honor killings) is just the negative icing on the cake and it is unbelievable that this also still exists today. With stuff like this, it is really hard to feel tolerance and sympathy for immigrants. Of course, I am only referring to these that still believe in the concepts I mentioned before. With the ending, you can argue if a less tragic outcome, maybe with the film ending the moment her brother runs away, may have been better, but it's good both ways I think. Overall, this film is a masterpiece and there is certainly some gigantic irony to the German Film Awards preferring the extremely forgettable "Storm" with a female lead that does not have 1% of Kekilli's greatness. Anyway, "Die Fremde" is an absolute must-see. Highly recommended.

Reserving judgement since I don't know how true-to-life the movie is

[tasgal · 8/10 · 11 June 2014]

This kind of story is only really interesting if it is true to life. I don't know what the day to day texture of life tends to be like for Turks in Germany -- I don't even know if the characters are ethnic Turks or Kurds -- so I have to trust the movie. But I don't know whether I should. Yes, the outlines of the plot come from a true story. I can forgive the movie for ignoring that Germany and Turkey have both signed the Hague Abduction Convention, which would allow the father to get his son back. Yes, many parts of the Muslim world share the sense that honor is tied to being able to control one's women, and honor killings happen. Yes, some children in a family may acculturate differently than others. And, yes, it was nuanced. But that does not necessarily mean that the nuances are there in life rather than only in the director's head. Ingmar Bergman comes to mind, and Amos Gitai (some of whose movies I somehow forced myself to watch all the way through). My suspicions were also raised by When We Leave's contemplative quiet, which is common in this kind of art movie but not in real life. But, let me re-emphasize, I don't really know that the picture is a fantasy, I only suspect.

A beautifully underestimated independent movie

[conny-oh · 9/10 · 31 August 2017]

I don't really know why this movie is so underrated.

It is, as i know, the first feature film of the director. And the struggle to choose between your family and society is real. Not only in Turkish families, not in every family but in some for sure. Murder because of honer still exists. Murder because of different pictures of society still exists. And also it's a movie. I think it is really realistic but if you don't remind yourself of every Hollywood romance film existing. Yeah very realistic stuff..

I also don't get in what way this is racist. It is a story of a family not every family. This movie is a great example of using a different language than English or German and the cast is actually Turkish. It celebrates diversity in movies.

There are many many other films which portray Turkish people in a more ghetto and criminal style but this film is about relationships and the problem of honor and empowerment in a society.

The camera-work is beautiful. You feel like being sucked in that isolated world of the family. The dialog is beautiful written.

I just love that film and i would recommend watching it.

An Honour Killing

[MikeyB1793 · 8/10 · 13 February 2013]

This is a very strong film about honour killings. This has started to become more in the news in our Western democracies. In Canada we had the honour killings trial of the Shafia family.

"When We Leave" is an intense examination of the sordid events that lead up to an honour killing – in other words a pre-meditated murder. This woman decides to leave her abusive husband in Turkey to settle with her parents' family in Germany with her small son. Her father does not accept this situation and eventuality due to her whole family rejecting her she decides to set off on her own with her son. Eventually her family members track her down with the inevitable sad result. It is an excruciating story and very well acted particularly be the father. It is very grim and on several occasions this woman attempts to reunite with her family – but is rejected. I am sure this movie depicts much of the truth. Watch this, but be prepared, don't expect to be uplifted.

Western stereotypes of immigrant's life

[geri2005 · 1/10 · 20 December 2014]

Die Fremde, or When we Leave is a whole lot of western stereotyping of immigrants living in Europe. In this case, a married Turkish young woman with her son separates from her husband who beats and rapes her frequently. This brings to her life a whole lot of other problems, with her family and specially with her father (and mother), who greatly opposes to what he sees as wrong in a traditional society that treats women as a possession of men. It starts with the scenes of beating an raping that will be the main issues during the film, it follows with her struggle to start her own life under the opposition of her family, her father and the older brother being taking the leading roles in subjugating her.I really wouldn't recommend this film for its mostly eurocentric views of immigrants living in Europe.

Sad and beautiful film

[gillmurphydogg · 9/10 · 13 February 2023]

This is such a difficult film to watch. It's the story of a Turkish woman trying to rise up beyond her culture and religion to pursue her autonomy. It's painful to watch given the strong performances/direction and script which will both shock you and get you reflecting on the current state of affairs.

The protagonist encounters various obstacles towards her pursuit of happiness, sadly within her own family. This is relatable regardless of your gender, cast or creed. The main actress Sibel Kekilli does a fantastic job of drawing the viewer into her turmoil. The pain she endures was truly palpable. A beautiful film.

A powerful movie about cultural issues

[audacious3 · 5/10 · 1 March 2013]

The writer obviously intended to shock the viewers with the surprise ending, and he did, but it ruined the movie. I could have understood murdering the mother (understood, that is, not approved of), but murdering the child just doesn't fit the story. For one thing, male (not female) children were highly valued. For another, the father said he wanted his son (but not his wife) back, and made a feeble attempt to get him back. During that attempt, his father-in-law chastised him, telling him that a physical tug-of-war in the street was not the way to go about it. So, the father-in-law would then approve of killing the boy? Not likely! Now, some people have said that the boy was killed by accident, but that's incredibly sloppy. It would have been easy to kill the mother without harming the child. And, call it bad acting, but the brother's reaction to killing the child did not look like surprise to me! It would have been a far better ending for the mother to pick up the gun off the street and shoot her brother, who was advancing toward her with a knife.

Shipload of clichés!

[NotYourExAnymore · 2/10 · 13 January 2012]

Shipload of clichés! I know it is Feo's first movie, but the way she tried to take will not take her to anywhere... We know how many good Iranian directors failed so bad when they just chose to grasp "the oriental stuff" and polish it for the Western movie theaters.

It seems like Feo Aladag, as a director & writer, has a lot to say, but since she just decides to mix up 'every single ideas' in her first movie, everything looks so simplistic, and kind of banal. There is nothing much to talk about the acting, but the plot is full of clichés. The women's tragedy in this world, especially in the more traditional cultures, is unbearable truth, but the director failed big time to show the complex natures of this problem and its outcomes... It seems to me, the director just got satisfied by showing directly how bad the family is. She just doesn't put effort to deepen the characters and their relationships. In some scene, it's seen very amateurish.

To name just one example, we can simply put that the movie is based on a tradition family which got angry of their daughter since she left her husband, right? It is okay, but in the later scenes we see that another daughter of the same family got pregnant without marriage, and the thing the same father does is just bribing the lover, who got his daughter pregnant. The father, who even decided to kill one of his daughters just because she left her husband, bribed the lvoer who got his another daughter pregnant? Does it make any sense? It could make some sense, if the director showed us the complex nature of the traditional family, but she just satisfied with the cliches...

The ending sucked

[jordondave-28085 · 4/10 · 2 April 2023]

(2010) When We Leave (In German with English subtitles) POLITICAL DRAMA

Co produced, written and directed by Feo Aladag with Umay (Sibel Kekilli) originally has strong roots from Turkey, she decides she does not want to be with her abusive husband anymore, taking their child with them, moving back with her parents in Germany. Because her parents still carry with them Turkish customs, the family, particularly, the father and her brother prefer for her to return their son back to him. She objects since he is abusive.

When the protagonist, Umay was living in Germany and they instructed her not to reveal her whereabouts to both family members and to friends as she was living in a shelter for the abusive, then she was not following the rules which lead to the ending that I did not care for.