Return to Splatter Farm (2020) Poster

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4/10
Back to the farm
BandSAboutMovies26 November 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Once upon a time, let's say 1987, Mark and John Polonia made Splatter Farm, a shot on video slasher all about twins sent to live with their aunt who soon discover that her handyman is a killer.

Thirty years in film time - and thirty-three in real life - and the killings have begun again in Wellsboro, Pennsylvania. What a time for a bunch of teenagers to go and party at the cabin, huh?

This was co-directed by Jeff Kirkendall, who plays Jeremy the killer. He shows up in nearly every Polonia movie, which all have their own strange universe of actors that show up.

While the budget is a challenge - as always in these movies - a slasher doesn't need hundreds of thousands of dollars to be effective. This sets up the teens - and some older people, as well - and before you know it, the kills come quickly. There's enough gore - both digital and practical - to keep the bloodthirsty happy.

This doesn't break any new ground, but it moves quickly and delivers what it promises. It has a great title and poster, which is really half the battle when you think about it. It also has a goofy theme song and only 70 minutes of run time, which is pretty much the length all movies should be.

While John Polonia, Todd Michael Smith and Marion Costly have sadly passed away, for those looking for the next step in the Splatter Farm story, I think you'll be pretty pleased with this.
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2/10
What The F...
iammotorhead21 August 2022
Yes This Is A 1 Star Movie but Gave It 2 For the perfect Breasts In The Shower Scene. Amazing What you can do with a 10 Dollar budget. Plastic skeleton a childs plastic sherrif's outfit and a bottle of ketchup.
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2/10
We can be friends
nogodnomasters30 November 2020
Warning: Spoilers
This is a low budget Mark Polonia production. Bobbi (Danielle Donahue) inherits the original farm and the killer is still around. She goes out with a group of friends.

Sound track needed work. Acting and script not up to par. Not bad on the special effects.

Guide Nudity (Mel Heflin, Jennie Russo )
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1/10
Contender for the worst film ever made? You bet...
simonlgordon25 March 2021
I think sometimes with horror films, we tend to forgive bad acting and a diabolical script as par for the course. We try and enjoy it for what it is. This however, is an exception to that rule. Painfully bad in absolutely every aspect, rendering it almost unwatchable. Another 90 minutes of my life goes sailing into the abyss that I'll never get back 🙄
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1/10
The production was made by zombies
n-1262923 September 2021
If you have zero brain cells and want to lose more, then this is your film.

Only the cover of the film is worth looking at.
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2/10
Hate to say it but...
stephenstephenbyrne28 May 2021
Whatever these people were paid to act in this, it was too much.
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1/10
Who is going to buy the farm?
BA_Harrison22 January 2023
Thirty three years passed between Mark Polonia's SOV gore film Splatter Farm and this sequel, during which time he directed plenty of other films; you would think he would have improved a lot over the space of three decades, but judging by Return to Splatter Farm, he's actually lost what little skill he had in the first place.

A good slasher usually features attractive people being sliced and diced in creative and gory ways by an iconic killer. Polonia's film features ugly people being offed in lazy and unimaginative ways by a lame maniac (played by Polonia's co-director and writer of this garbage, Jeff Kirkendall), with some truly pathetic special make-up effects.

The film sees Bobbi (Danielle Donahue) and her friends visiting the titular farm, the young woman having recently inherited the place. While there, they are attacked one-by-one by Jeremy, the killer from the first film, who has been living on the farm, bumping off any passers-by.

The acting is diabolical, the direction is basic, and the editing is awful. In addition to the bargain basement gore, Polonia and Kirkendall get two of the 'actresses' to strip for the camera: Jennie Russo as big-breasted middle-aged nympho Gina, and Mel Heflin, who plays Liz, an overweight redhead with delusions that she is sexy (if her skin was green, she'd be Princess Fiona's less attractive sister).

Nowhere near as much fun as the original movie, which had more gore and a certain demented charm about it, Return to Splatter Farm is unforgivably dull and utterly inept (the scene in which lank-haired loser Gopher is hit by lightning being the worst moment).

1.5/10, rounded down to 1 for the terrible theme song.
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2/10
Theatrical Acting
darryl-jason17 April 2021
As a professional actor I can tell you right now the first opening scene of the movie was done very theatrical with elements of the farm used from green screen (look behind the girl wearing glasses, you'll notice.) Also the two actors in this opening scene clearly are using queue cards to prompt them with their lines. This is what you call 'bad acting.'

Beyond the opening scene I couldn't watch much further. I give it another 10 minutes and then just turned off. The fake blood was just as bad! I don't know what was used but it just didn't even look remotely effective.
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10/10
Great movie to watch with friends!
izzakhalil16 May 2021
Ignore the bad reviews on this movie and just watch it.
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9/10
Fun and enjoyable genre effort
kannibalcorpsegrinder20 November 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Arriving at a legendary farmhouse, a woman and her friends arrive to look at it due to her inheritance including the location, and once they begin to slowly disappear one-by-one realize the legend of a deadly killer haunting the farm are true and must try to save her friends from the intruder.

This was a highly impressive and enjoyable sequel. Among the better aspects to this one is the rather impressive atmosphere here that's quite a bit more involved than expected. The arrival at the farm with all the homages to the past with the way the house is set up and the various belongings found while they clean up, it paints a fine picture of the past alongside the verbal connections bringing it all together. The stories about her past history with the relative of hers being the one who snapped and went insane create a wholly intriguing setup that gives this a lot to like. That all helps to make the strong revelation here that manages to tie into the build-up from the connection to the past. Getting a rather nice manner of explanation for the whereabouts throughout the years and what he's been doing all this time, this one truly comes off with the true sequel vibes that are only enhanced by those given details about the events in the interim all the more fun. This all helps to tie everything together in regards to the overall feel and tone with all the time off between entries. The other plus to this one is the later scenes with the stalking being rather fun. The opening ambush on the couple checking it out for the urban legends behind it are rather enjoyable and cheesy enough, much like the montage sequence of the various kills shown on the property over the years all manage to offer some incredibly enjoyable sequences. There's quite a lot to enjoy in the second half when the killer strikes even more intently with some vicious and enjoyable ambush scenes with the fun gore of the creative kills coming into play here, and combined with the thrilling pace that keeps things moving nicely offers up plenty of positives. There isn't much to dislike with this one. The main issue to be had here is the fact that there's nothing really noted here about the finale and how it plays out. Rather than carry out the killings as normal, the idea of keeping her hostage locked up in the house seems incredibly out-of-character despite being a family member who's kept there. Nothing is given as to how he knows that, though, so it just feels rather underwhelming as a whole. Alongside the somewhat obvious and apparent low-budget work that can be a detriment, these are really all it has wrong with it.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Nudity and mild drug use.
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10/10
Jeff Kirkendall's Masterpiece
lukasmacmillan-7305027 January 2022
If you've watched a Polonia brothers film before, then you know they have a certain vibe to them. If you get it, then you understand why they are such a fun time. Some are better than others, but this my friends...is a masterpiece.

First things first, the runtime. A perfect 71 mins. It doesn't take long for the carnage to start, and when it does it never stops. The acting all around from the cast was pretty decent, for a slasher flick vibe. They hit all the right notes on the 80s tone it seemed to be going for. Great music (especially the return to Splatterfarm theme song at the end) I often catch my roommates and myself singing it around the house.

Now the kills. In true polonia fashion, the kills didn't disappoint. However, they did try some new things that I was NOT prepared for. For example in Bigfoot Vs Zombies there was someone being ripped apart by zombies. When his organs were being torn out, if you had a keen eye you could tell it was just a red shirt. In this film, something similar is happening but they didn't use a shirt... it was clearly a nice sausage (probably from the farm I bet). Anyways, all of the kills were creative and fun.

Now onto the plot. Well, we don't watch these movies for that now do we.

Theirs really only one more thing to discuss with this film, and that's Jeff Kirdendall's performance as the killer. He really brought it for this movie. He definitely took some risks acting wise, but they paid off big time. Easily his best performance to date, and I've seen like 8 of his movies.

So yeah, definitely check this out and support these guys. There is something really Wholesome about them, and if you include a friend and a fun substance. You might just find yourself making an IMDb account and writing a review. 10/10.
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10/10
Why, just why would someone get naked for this?
AngryCrow199121 February 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Don't get me wrong caw caw.

I appreciate the small amount of nudity.

But this just a family making a home movie. For some of the gore effects they just put frozen hamburger meat on top of someone's face caw caw.

This movie was in made in for honor for someone caw caw. You think they would have tried....

Caw caw
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