Lucifer (TV Series)
It Never Ends Well for the Chicken (2020)
Tom Ellis: Lucifer Morningstar
Photos
Quotes
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Lucifer Morningstar : That was a clucking waste of time.
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Lucifer Morningstar : The Devil solving crime. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
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Jack : So when you find out the best thing that ever happened to you started with a lie, well, it's like building a house on quicksand. Sooner or later it all falls apart.
Lucifer Morningstar : Sorry. Got lost in a daydream, on account of your problem being so extraordinarily boring.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Well, in my experience, problems are like Bible salesmen or genital warts. If you pretend they're not there, sooner or later they disappear.
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Jack : Yeah, thanks for having my six back there.
Lucifer Morningstar : But you told me to stay behind you. Which wasn't easy considering you spent so much time on the pavement.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Forget it, Trix. It's Chinatown.
Trixie Espinoza : It's what?
Lucifer Morningstar : Never mind.
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Lilith : All this time you've spent on Earth... have you ever connected with a human?
Lucifer Morningstar : I've connected with thousands of humans. Once, Caligula and I made a human train of 37...
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Trixie Espinoza : This dagger. Has it ever killed anyone?
Lucifer Morningstar : Not yet, no.
Trixie Espinoza : [Holds up handcuffs] Do these work?
Lucifer Morningstar : Uh... that depends on who you're asking.
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Paddy : Warmed them up for you, Mr. Stompanato.
Tommy Stomponato : Thanks, boys.
Trixie Espinoza : [Interrupts the story] Wait, hold it!
Lucifer Morningstar : Oh, for crying out loud.
Trixie Espinoza : I thought you said Mr. Stompanato. "Mr." is a man.
Lucifer Morningstar : Did you or did you not request a gender-balanced narrative? I'm simply following your instructions.
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Trixie Espinoza : Parents, they're a mystery.
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, I'll give you that.
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Lilith : [singing] I'm tired of being pure/ And not Chased/ Like something that seeks its level/ I wanna go to the Devil...
Lucifer Morningstar : That's me.
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Melvin the Magnificent : For just twelve dollars, our deluxe ceremony of Anubis includes this ceremonial mask, two acolytes, and a drum made from the skin of a Vestal Virgin, a gilded sacrificial dagger, and one live... chicken!
Lucifer Morningstar : It never ends well for the chicken.
Melvin the Magnificent : Or you might prefer our economy package. Only six dollars! And the chicken heart comes pre-sacrificed for your convenience.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Quite a unique fellow, aren't you?
William McKinnon : Mm.
Lucifer Morningstar : There's a word to describe you, but I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like a shower, but French. Oh, I'm sure it'll come to me.
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Lilith : I'm not talking about sex, Lucifer. I'm talking... about an emotional connection.
Lucifer Morningstar : Oh! Absolutely not.
[Chuckles]
Lucifer Morningstar : It would take a literal miracle for me to want something like that, and I'm fairly certain my father's not handing those out anymore.
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Trixie Espinoza : What happened to Jack and Shirley? Did they live happily ever after?
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, they moved to Des Moines, so... probably not.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Once upon a time, the Devil went to New York City.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Aren't you lucky to benefit from the experience your wife has gained with dozens, maybe hundreds of men? Firemen, barbers, sailors, carnival barkers...
Jack : Yeah, I get it.
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Jack : You get a description?
Gertie : Sure, sure. Handsome. Kind of beefy. Short-haired, strong jaw. Usually wears a plain blue suit. Oh! And an eye patch.
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, you might have led with that.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Well, I don't know why they called him Lucky Larry. This apartment is literally the most depressing hovel I've ever seen, and I've seen Kafka's Hell loop.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Since it very well be my last night on Earth, let's go to the bar.
Trixie Espinoza : My parents wouldn't like that.
Lucifer Morningstar : Wouldn't they? Sounds like grown-up problems to me.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Not accurate, historically speaking, but quite bloody. My old friend Tutankhamen would've loved it.
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Lucifer Morningstar : [Regarding Willie "The Sausage Prince"] My dear friend Sigmund would have had a field day with you.
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Lilith : My children are perfect. They can't be banished, because they have no home. Can't be abandoned, because they have no family.
Lucifer Morningstar : They'll never be cast out of the proverbial garden.
Lilith : You can never tell them what I've done today, Lucifer. Not if they are going to be unbreakable.
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Lucifer Morningstar : I don't believe I've seen you since...
Lilith : Marie Antoinette's coming-out party.
Lucifer Morningstar : And come out she did. Shame what happened to her.
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William McKinnon : Who the hell are you?
Jack : Jack Monroe, PI.
Lucifer Morningstar : Lucifer Morningstar, Devil.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Well... I never thought I'd say this, but... enjoy the rest of your life.
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Lucifer Morningstar : Once you do this, there's no going back. Are you sure?
Lilith : Just one thing.
Lilith : And it never ends with you, does it? Although I suppose it will now.
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Jack : [Tommy Stomponato is found dead] They took his heart. What do you think they did with it?
Lucifer Morningstar : Well, he didn't seem the type to wear it on his sleeve.