Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Mr. McGlue's Feedbag (2007)
Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper
Quotes
-
Alan Harper : Since when do you make chili?
Charlie Harper : [drunk] There's a lot you don't know about me, Alan. I am a man of many layers. Strata, if you will.
Alan Harper : I see.
Charlie Harper : A thin crust, magma and a chewy nougat center.
Alan Harper : Great. Uh... Anyway, tomorrow I have to go the DMV to get my license renewed.
Charlie Harper : Ah, cars. Where would we be without cars? And how would we get there?
[drops an onion]
Charlie Harper : Run! Run! You're free!
-
Alan Harper : Listen, I... I need to ask you for a favor.
Charlie Harper : [drunk] Your needs. Your needs. What about my needs?
Alan Harper : Are you capable of having a conversation?
Charlie Harper : Capable? I just spent twenty minutes discussing open-toed shoes with a fat man from Rangoon. He's a Rangooooooonian.
Alan Harper : We'll talk in the morning.
Charlie Harper : I wouldn't count on it.
Charlie Harper : Go ahead, you talk. I'll cook.
Alan Harper : It's 11:30. What are you cooking?
Charlie Harper : Good question. And I can give you the answer in two words: my famous homemade chili.
-
Charlie Harper : [drunk] Thank you for transporting me home. You are a terrific cab driver and I hope some day to visit your country. Damn, where is that key? Here key, key, key, key, key, key, key, key, key, key, key, key! Ah-ha! Hello, key.
[door won't open]
Charlie Harper : Oh, no! Wrong house! I'm lost!
[Alan opens the door from the inside]
Alan Harper : Hello?
Charlie Harper : Oh! Hey, Alan! Come on in!
Alan Harper : Why don't you come in here?
Charlie Harper : I can't. I lost my key.
[shows his keys]
Charlie Harper : Daaaaaah!
Alan Harper : Had a... a few cocktails, did we?
Charlie Harper : Me, too.