Seinfeld (TV Series)
The Shower Head (1996)
John O'Hurley: J. Peterman
Photos
Quotes
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J. Peterman : Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price? Your soul. Oh, and by the way, you have til' 5:00 to clear out your desk. You're fired.
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Cosmo Kramer : Look, I need the keys to your apartment, I gotta take a shower.
Elaine Benes : What's wrong with your shower?
Cosmo Kramer : There's no water pressure.
Elaine Benes : Why don't you just go see Jerry?
Cosmo Kramer : Jerry's got nothing. Newman's got nothing. You're the only one I know who's got the good stuff, and I need it bad, baby, cause I feel like I got bugs crawling up my skin. Now you gotta help me out.
[Mr. Peterman walks past Elaine's office and assumes Kramer is trying to score drugs off Elaine]
J. Peterman : [barges in the office] Not on my watch! I won't have you turning my office into a den of iniquity! Get your fix somewhere else!
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J. Peterman : So as a result of your test being free of opium, I am reinstating you.
Elaine Benes : Oh! Yes! What a load off. So when are we going to Africa?
J. Peterman : I'm afraid I can't take you
Elaine Benes : What? Why not?
J. Peterman : Elaine, according to your urine analysis, you're menopausal. you have the metabolism of a 68 year old woman.
Elaine Benes : But I wanted to see the bushmen.
J. Peterman : Oh, and one more thing. You may have osteoporosis.
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J. Peterman : I'm afraid I have some bad news, Elaine. It appears you will not be accompanying me to Africa.
Elaine Benes : What? Why not?
J. Peterman : I'm afraid it's your urine, Elaine. You tested positive for opium.
Elaine Benes : Opium?
J. Peterman : That's right, Elaine. White lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.
Elaine Benes : That's impossible, I've never done a drug in my life. Dr. Strugatz must have made a mistake.
J. Peterman : Not a chance. I'm afraid I'll just have to find someone else to accompany me on my journey. The dark continent is no place for an addict, Elaine.
