Roseanne (TV Series)

Punch and Jimmy (1994)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• Roseanne : [returning from a ballet recital that Darlene's new boyfriend was dancing in]  Well it *is* every mother's dream to get a good look at her daughter's boyfriend's... package.

• Roseanne : [about Darlene's new boyfriend]  I'm not going to pounce on him, Jackie. I want him nice and relaxed when I kill him, otherwise it spoils the meat.

• Darlene : [nicely says 'Hi' to Jackie, turns to her mother and snarls]  What are *you* doing here?

  Roseanne : Well, it's Parent's Day, and your birth mother, Morgan Fairchild, couldn't make it.

• Roseanne : [to Darlene's boyfriend, when Darlene smokes in front of her]  And you taught her all this, didn't you, ya sweaty little freak. I oughta just snap your ears off and shove 'em in your pockets so you can hear my kickin' your butt.

  Darlene : Jimmy, I'd like you to meet my mother.

• Jackie Harris : Roseanne, what's wrong with you? You came up here expecting Darlene's new boyfriend would be horrible, the exact opposite of David, and he's not, he's actually very much like David.

  Roseanne Conner : Well if he's so much like David... what doesn't she just date David?

• Jackie Harris : Darlene is going to bring a lot of different men into your life and they're not all going to be like David.

  Roseanne Conner : I know, only we just work so well together.

  Jackie Harris : She's not coming back, he's not coming back, you're the only one left in this relationship.

• Jackie Harris : Thanks for inviting us, Jimmy, I've never been to a ballet before.

  Roseanne Conner : Yeah, pity we had to leave so soon, I still have... some feeling in my left buttock.