Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Werewolf (1998)

Bill Corbett: Crow T. Robot, Observer

Quotes 

• Crow : You know, it's economical not to have a storyline, cause then you can just film people saying things.

• Crow : Well, so far the star power consists of Charlie Sheen's uncle.

• Mike Nelson : Pow-wow, the Indian boy, loved all the animals in the west

  Mike Nelson , Tom Servo , Crow : We will, we will, rock you!

  Mike Nelson , Tom Servo , Crow : TUSK!

  Tom Servo : So they ran through the briars, and they ran through the brambles, And they ran through the places where a rabbit wouldn't go

  Crow : Gypsies, tramps, and thieves! We heard it from the people of the town!

  Mike Nelson , Tom Servo , Crow : TUSK!

  Mike Nelson : High on a hill lived a lonely goatherd, Ladee-yodel-ladee-yodel-la-hee-hoo!

  Tom Servo : Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Right down Santa Claus Lane!

  Mike Nelson , Tom Servo , Crow : TUSK!

  Crow : Give it away, give it away, give it away, now! Give it away, give it away, give it away, now!

  Mike Nelson : I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, You've got a brand new key!

  Mike Nelson , Tom Servo , Crow : TUSK!

  Tom Servo : Admiral Halsey notified me, He had to have a bath or he couldn't get to sleep

  Crow : And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little Boy Blue and the man in the moon!

  Mike Nelson : In your Easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it

  Tom Servo : One night in Bangkok makes a strong man crumble

  Crow : Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry, When I take you out in a surrey

  Mike Nelson : We were merely freshmen!

  Mike Nelson , Tom Servo , Crow : Oh, Suzanna, oh don't you cry for me, 'Cause I come from Alabammy with a banjo on my knee!

  Mike Nelson , Tom Servo , Crow : TUSK!

• Natalie : So it all comes to this?

  Tom Servo : The thing that it comes to?

  Natalie : You and Noel is in it for fame and fortune?

  Crow : Yes, we is.

• Crow : Paul! You is a wurr-wilf!

• Tom Servo : Hey Suzie, what's the matter?

  Crow : Yeah Suzie, what's wrong?

  Mike Nelson : Oh nothing... I guess...

  Tom Servo : Come on, you can tell us!

  Crow : Yeah!

  Mike Nelson : Gee, I dunno girls... Okay it's like this...

  Tom Servo , Crow : Uh huh?

  Mike Nelson : You know, Steve?

  Tom Servo , Crow : Uh huh!

  Mike Nelson : [singing]  Steve's a werewolf but he's my g-uy, he's different from the rest, I don't know why. But my mother and pop, they disapprove, but no one can stop us for it true "luve"

  Tom Servo , Crow : Huh?

  Mike Nelson : [Talking]  Well I had to rhyme words

  Tom Servo , Crow : [Muttering in agreement]  Sure, sure. Got it. Go ahead.

  Mike Nelson : [singing with Tom and Crow doing Shooby do bops]  Where oh werewolf, I've looked everywhere wolf. Where oh where, where is my werewolf?

  Mike Nelson : Listen girls

  [singing] 

  Mike Nelson : Late one night we drove in his c-ar, to make out point, it wasn't that far...

  Tom Servo : Take the Hiawatha exit, left at the first stop sign

  Mike Nelson : Well whose story is this, Carol?

  Tom Servo : Sorry, he he

  Mike Nelson : [singing]  The moon was full, he pulled me clo-se, I held his paw and I touched his cold nose

  Crow : That means he's healthy!

  Mike Nelson : But then, his hairy paws caused the wheel to slide!

  Tom Servo , Crow : No!

  Mike Nelson : I screamed, too late! We hit a tree, he died

  Tom Servo , Crow : Gee, that's to bad Suzie

  Tom Servo , Mike Nelson , Crow : [Sung in unison]  Where oh werewolf, I've looked everywhere wolf, where oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where is my werewolf?

• [after the security guard/werewolf crashes his car] 

  Tom Servo : Did those oil barrels just leap out in front of him?

  Crow : So, his plan is to rid the world of security guards by changing them into werewolves one by one and then having them crash their cars?

  Mike Nelson : Well, uh, it seems to be working so far.

• Natalie : Paul, that's not a scratch. It's a deep cut!

  Crow : Speaking of "deep cuts", did this scene really need to be in the movie?

• Natalie : I'm not holding back anything!

  Crow : Certainly not talent.

• Crow : Dictator for life, Santa!

• [hearing a door closing] 

  Crow : That was the sound of the director giving up and leaving.

• Crow : This is a strange remake of Jane Eyre.

• Noel : At the risk of sounding nuts...

  Crow : I've replaced my toes with grapes.

• Crow : I think Ray Liotta would make an okay werewolf.

  Tom Servo : No, he smells like apples.

• [Natalie drives Paul back to his house] 

  Crow : [as Natalie, flatly]  Where you live is incredible.

  Paul : So, here we are.

  Mike Nelson : Mr. Smooth.

  Paul : Would you like to come up for a drink?

  Tom Servo : Oh, yeah! The one-two punch.

• Crow : Rock 'em sock 'em archeologists.

• Crow : Well, I got a squirrel in the oven if you're hungry...

• Crow : Now that I can drive, those caribou don't stand a chance!

• Crow : [people are uncovering a skeleton in the desert]  No shoes. He was killed for his Nikes.

• Yuri : Are you calling me a psychopath?

  Crow : I'll kill your whole family if you call me that!

• Crow : [sigh]  Surprise ending written and conceived by a tube-worm.

• Crow : He's dreaming of slimy cat puppets.

• Crow : He's become a were-Amish guy.

• Crow : Maybe she turned into Eddie Van Halen.