My Family (TV Series)

Driving Miss Crazy (2001)

Daniela Denby-Ashe: Janey Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Susan Harper : Ben, nobody's criticising your driving. It's just your...

  Ben : My what?

  Susan Harper : ...attitude.

  Ben : I DO NOT HAVE AN... I... I'm... I'm sorry. What... what do... what do you mean, darling?

  Susan Harper : Your bumper sticker says: "Horn broken - watch for finger!"

  Janey Harper : And that time we went driving in Wales?

  Ben : I drove brilliantly there!

  Michael Harper : Before we set off, you actually took the trouble to learn some Welsh swear words!

• Susan Harper : Going well, I see?

  Janey Harper : My instructor says I need more practice.

  Susan Harper : Of course he would - at £20 a lesson.

  Janey Harper : But my test's in two weeks, mum! Do you want me to fail?

  Susan Harper : You don't have to need your instructor. You just need an adult with you.

  Nick : [Standing up]  Ready when you are, Janey!

  Susan Harper : I said an adult.

  [Nick sits back down] 

  Susan Harper : But I can't take you. I have three new chores to devise.

  Janey Harper : Er, mum, are you insane? That only leaves one person!

  Susan Harper : Well, I'm sure if you catch him in a good mood...

  Janey Harper : Like I said, my test's in two weeks.

  Susan Harper : ...all you have to do is choose the right moment to ask him...

  Ben : OH, BOLLOCKING HELL!

  Susan Harper : ...which I'm sure will happen one of these days.

  Janey Harper : Keep the dream alive, mum!

• Janey Harper : Oh, great! Well, my test's in eight days - what am I going to do?

  Susan Harper : Survive?

  Janey Harper : Of course! It's obvious! There's only one person in this house with the maturity, the experience and the people skills to take me driving.

  Ben : Yeah...

  Janey Harper : Michael, are you busy?

  Ben : Ye... what? What? Mi... Michael's 12!

  Michael Harper : 13! But it's what inside that counts!

  Ben : You'll be inside if you get caught!

  Janey Harper : Well, he won't get caught! He... he can sit on a pile of cushions and perhaps wear a false beard...

• Ben : [Offering to give Janey driving lessons]  I could always take you.

  Janey Harper : You?

  [the whole family laughs at Ben] 

  Ben : What, what, what? What's so funny? I... I don't get it. Do you get it, Susan?

  Susan Harper : [Through repressed laughter]  No!

  Ben : I mean, I'm a good driver. I passed my test first time.

  Janey Harper : Yeah, but that was in the war! They needed all the drivers they could get!

• Susan Harper : I'm taking you.

  Janey Harper : Ugh!

  Susan Harper : Why? What's wrong with that?

  Janey Harper : You're so bossy!

  Susan Harper : Oh, don't be ridiculous! And if you think you're driving dressed like that, you're very much mistaken!

  Janey Harper : Oh, come on, mum!

• Janey Harper : That is it! I'm never going out with you again!

  Susan Harper : All I said was put on your seatbelt before you adjusting your mirror! They look out for things like that!

  Janey Harper : Oh, and why did you grab the wheel for?

  Susan Harper : [pause]  I panicked!

  Janey Harper : I hadn't even turned the engine on!

• Susan Harper : So, how was driving with your father?

  Janey Harper : Oh, it went very well.

  Susan Harper : Did he shout much? Did he grab the wheel? How many times did he stamp on the imaginary brake? What do you mean it went very well?

  Janey Harper : He just let me drive. His mind was on something else.

  Nick : Mr Casey?

  Janey Harper : Yep! We followed him around for three hours!

  Susan Harper : Good grief!

  Janey Harper : Dad called it 'reconnaissance'. We went to the supermarket, the leisure centre, the cemetery... Oh, and I got to practice parking - quite a lot, actually!

• Ben : There - the last earthly remains of my shed! I had such plans!

  Nick : Leave it with me, dad. I'll see if I can fix it.

  Ben : No. Don't bother, Nick. Nothing can replace my shed.

  Susan Harper : How about another shed?

  Nick : [laughs]  It's alright, Nick. It's alright. She doesn't understand.

  Janey Harper : Well, I don't understand either.

  Nick : Actually, I don't understand.

  Ben : It's just that a man must have a shed.

  Susan Harper : We never knew you had a shed until it burnt down.

  Ben : Well, nevertheless, I feel I've been emasculated. It's like not having a toolbox.

  Nick : You haven't got a toolbox.

  Ben : Haven't I?

  Nick : No. You weren't using it, so... it sort of got sold!

  Ben : What did you do that for?

  Nick : The money?