Happy Days (TV Series)
Jailhouse Rock (1975)
Don Most: Ralph Malph
Photos
Quotes
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Richie Cunningham : [after getting locked in at Arnold's] Arnold locked us in!
Ralph Malph : Doesn't he check the bathrooms?
Richie Cunningham : He doesn't clean 'em. Why should he check 'em?
Potsie Weber : Well, there goes the Elvis train.
Ralph Malph : Will you forget about the Elvis train?
Potsie Weber : What's with you?
Ralph Malph : I'm sorry. Guys, I have a confession to make. I get a little paranoid in locked rooms. It makes me very nervous. Once when I was a kid, I got locked in a bathroom, and I flushed a bottle with note in it.
Potsie Weber : Boy, were you a jerk!
Ralph Malph : Yeah? How do you think I got out? I'm telling you, I get very nervous. If this gets me crazy, I'm gonna go nuts!
Richie Cunningham : Ralph, take it easy. It's cool.
Ralph Malph : If it's cool, why am I sweating?
Richie Cunningham : Look, we'll just call up Arnold, and he'll come down and let us out. Anybody got any change? I'm out.
Ralph Malph : I spent my last set on cologne.
Potsie Weber : Can you break a five?
Ralph Malph : I can break your nose!
Richie Cunningham : [checking the phone] Ah, there's nothing here.
Ralph Malph : What about the register?
Richie Cunningham : It's padlocked.
Ralph Malph : Somebody better do something fast. I think I'm gonna cry.
Richie Cunningham : We'll break into the jukebox. It's always filled with change.
Potsie Weber : Wait a minute. Breaking in, I don't that's right, Rich.
Ralph Malph : That's right! That's right! Break in! Break in!
Richie Cunningham : Alright.
[tries to break into the jukebox using a butter knife, to no avail]
Richie Cunningham : Oh, man. It's tougher than I thought.
Potsie Weber : The toilet locked looked easy. Come on, Ralph, let's give it a try.
Ralph Malph : Just don't lock the door. Please don't lock the door.
[he and Ralph walk into the bathroom]
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Richie Cunningham : [after successfully breaking into the jukebox to get change] Hey, guys! I got the loot!
Kirk : [entering and turning on the lights, seeing Richie get the change from the jukebox] Freeze! Don't move!
Richie Cunningham : [gets his hands in the air and drops the change from the jukebox] Hi! Uh, what you see happening here is not really what's happening. Uh...
Potsie Weber : Hey, Rich, sprung the lock like it was nothing...
[sees Officer Kirk, and runs back into the bathroom]
Ralph Malph : [coming out of the bathroom, gets his hands in the air, and drops the change from the toilet lock] I give up! I give up!
[Potsie comes out of the bathroom with his hands up]
Kirk : [pointing at Ralph] Ralph...
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Potsie Weber : [after getting caught by Officer Kirk] You think we'll go to jail?
Kirk : Stick to that story about getting locked in, I got on tales.
Ralph Malph : No, please. No, not jail. Anything but jail. How 'bout a good beating?
Richie Cunningham : Ralph...
Howard Cunningham : [entering the diner with Arnold] Richard?
Richie Cunningham : Dad!
Howard Cunningham : Richard, I was on my way down to the lodge meeting. What happened?
Kirk : Stop talking to the prisoners. Charges are breaking and entering, violating the curfew, and armed robbery.
Richie Cunningham : Armed?
Kirk : You were holding a knife.
Richie Cunningham : A butter knife.
Potsie Weber : We told you, we got locked in the bathroom.
Kirk : So that's why you broke the lock on the John.
Arnold : Broke my lock? Why you not crawl under?
Howard Cunningham : Well, how about it, Arnold? Could you have locked them in?
Arnold : Yeah, I guess so. I don't check the bathrooms. I don't clean them. Why should I check them?
Kirk : Alright, Arnold. Will you vouch for these kids?
Arnold : Oh, sure. These guys don't rob me. They're a little crazy. Worse thing they do is kiss my pinball machine.
Kirk : Sick kids.
Arnold : I gotta go fix my lock. Look at all this money! I must be the only one that crawls under.
[enters the bathroom]