- Richie Cunningham: [after getting locked in at Arnold's] Arnold locked us in!
- Ralph Malph: Doesn't he check the bathrooms?
- Richie Cunningham: He doesn't clean 'em. Why should he check 'em?
- Potsie Weber: Well, there goes the Elvis train.
- Ralph Malph: Will you forget about the Elvis train?
- Potsie Weber: What's with you?
- Ralph Malph: I'm sorry. Guys, I have a confession to make. I get a little paranoid in locked rooms. It makes me very nervous. Once when I was a kid, I got locked in a bathroom, and I flushed a bottle with note in it.
- Potsie Weber: Boy, were you a jerk!
- Ralph Malph: Yeah? How do you think I got out? I'm telling you, I get very nervous. If this gets me crazy, I'm gonna go nuts!
- Richie Cunningham: Ralph, take it easy. It's cool.
- Ralph Malph: If it's cool, why am I sweating?
- Richie Cunningham: Look, we'll just call up Arnold, and he'll come down and let us out. Anybody got any change? I'm out.
- Ralph Malph: I spent my last set on cologne.
- Potsie Weber: Can you break a five?
- Ralph Malph: I can break your nose!
- Richie Cunningham: [checking the phone] Ah, there's nothing here.
- Ralph Malph: What about the register?
- Richie Cunningham: It's padlocked.
- Ralph Malph: Somebody better do something fast. I think I'm gonna cry.
- Richie Cunningham: We'll break into the jukebox. It's always filled with change.
- Potsie Weber: Wait a minute. Breaking in, I don't that's right, Rich.
- Ralph Malph: That's right! That's right! Break in! Break in!
- Richie Cunningham: Alright.
- [tries to break into the jukebox using a butter knife, to no avail]
- Richie Cunningham: Oh, man. It's tougher than I thought.
- Potsie Weber: The toilet locked looked easy. Come on, Ralph, let's give it a try.
- Ralph Malph: Just don't lock the door. Please don't lock the door.
- [he and Ralph walk into the bathroom]
- Richie Cunningham: [after successfully breaking into the jukebox to get change] Hey, guys! I got the loot!
- Kirk: [entering and turning on the lights, seeing Richie get the change from the jukebox] Freeze! Don't move!
- Richie Cunningham: [gets his hands in the air and drops the change from the jukebox] Hi! Uh, what you see happening here is not really what's happening. Uh...
- Potsie Weber: Hey, Rich, sprung the lock like it was nothing...
- [sees Officer Kirk, and runs back into the bathroom]
- Ralph Malph: [coming out of the bathroom, gets his hands in the air, and drops the change from the toilet lock] I give up! I give up!
- [Potsie comes out of the bathroom with his hands up]
- Kirk: [pointing at Ralph] Ralph...
- Potsie Weber: [after getting caught by Officer Kirk] You think we'll go to jail?
- Kirk: Stick to that story about getting locked in, I got on tales.
- Ralph Malph: No, please. No, not jail. Anything but jail. How 'bout a good beating?
- Richie Cunningham: Ralph...
- Howard Cunningham: [entering the diner with Arnold] Richard?
- Richie Cunningham: Dad!
- Howard Cunningham: Richard, I was on my way down to the lodge meeting. What happened?
- Kirk: Stop talking to the prisoners. Charges are breaking and entering, violating the curfew, and armed robbery.
- Richie Cunningham: Armed?
- Kirk: You were holding a knife.
- Richie Cunningham: A butter knife.
- Potsie Weber: We told you, we got locked in the bathroom.
- Kirk: So that's why you broke the lock on the John.
- Arnold: Broke my lock? Why you not crawl under?
- Howard Cunningham: Well, how about it, Arnold? Could you have locked them in?
- Arnold: Yeah, I guess so. I don't check the bathrooms. I don't clean them. Why should I check them?
- Kirk: Alright, Arnold. Will you vouch for these kids?
- Arnold: Oh, sure. These guys don't rob me. They're a little crazy. Worse thing they do is kiss my pinball machine.
- Kirk: Sick kids.
- Arnold: I gotta go fix my lock. Look at all this money! I must be the only one that crawls under.
- [enters the bathroom]
- Joanie Cunningham: You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to write a book, I Was Held Prisoner in My Own House.
- Marion Cunningham: Very nice, dear, start writing.