The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)
Up in Barney's Room (1963)
Don Knotts: Barney Fife
Photos
Quotes
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Barney Fife : Who ever heard of a room you couldn't cook in? Six dollars a week and what do I get? Heartaches! Nothin' but heartaches!
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Barney Fife : I don't like it! I just don't like it!
Andy Taylor : Don't like what?
Barney Fife : Her marrying that stranger!
Andy Taylor : He's no stranger to her.
Barney Fife : [Barney looking frustrated and angry] All right! Let em get married! I just hope it ends in a quickie Mexican divorce!
Andy Taylor : BARNEY!
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Barney Fife : I got it! Let's get him and hold him on a phony traffic charge!
Andy Taylor : No good.
Barney Fife : Why?
Andy Taylor : No car.
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Barney Fife : [after having just been angrily evicted by his irate landlady, Mrs. Mendelbright] With pleasure! Who ever heard of a room where you couldn't cook in anyways? I pay rent here for five years and what do I get? *Heartaches*! Nothing but heartaches!
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Barney Fife : [fuming over Mr. Fields, Mrs. Mendelbright's intended] That no good swindler! I don't trust him, Andy! And you want to know why? A - A guy moves into town. Two: He has no job. And C,
[slurring]
Barney Fife : He wants to marry Mrs. Bendelmright!
Andy Taylor : [Andy looks at Barney and sees that Barney has a drunken, glazed look in his eyes]
[shocked]
Andy Taylor : Barney! You're gassed!
[takes Barney's cup of apple cider and reacts to the smell of the cider]
Andy Taylor : This cider's turned hard!
Barney Fife : [starts to cry drunkenly about Mrs. Mendelbright] Bless her heart! Bless her heart!
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Opie Taylor : [to Barney] Pa and I went to see a movie. Gregory Peck was in it.
Barney Fife : [mumbling] Swell. Swell.
Opie Taylor : It sure was swell!
Barney Fife : [turning his face to reveal lipstick marks all over his face from his romantic billing and cooing with Thelma Lou; very annoyed] I heard!
Opie Taylor : [alarmed] Pa! Pa! Barney's face is bleeding!
Barney Fife : It's not blood!
