The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

Quiet Sam (1961)

Don Knotts: Barney Fife

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Fife : Don't look at him. He'll know we're talkin' about him.

  [pause] 

  Barney Fife : What's he doin' now?

  Floyd Lawson : I don't know. You told me not to look at him.

• Barney Fife : Well, for my money, he's got all the facial characteristics of a criminal. You know, the... the narrow chin and the eyes close together and slack jaw with a prominent overbite.

  Andy Taylor : You know who that sounds like?

  Barney Fife : Who?

  Andy Taylor : You.

• Floyd Lawson : He cuts his own hair.

  Barney Fife : He tell you that?

  Floyd Lawson : Didn't have to. I can spot an amateur head a mile off.

• Barney Fife : Boy! You wouldn't notice a muddy elephant in the snow, would ya?

  Andy Taylor : You tryin' to tell me Sam Becker's got a dirty elephant up to his place?

• Barney Fife : Yeah, Sam, I did my part in helpin' to whip the dreaded Hun.

• Barney Fife : You sure didn't freeze up on *this* little grasshopper!

• Barney Fife : [after Andy brings out the baby]  Where did that come from?

• Barney Fife : Oh, boy. All this goin' on and I'm supposed to go back and shake doorknobs on a bunch of penny-ante stores.

  Andy Taylor : Well, I'm sorry, Barney, but there's nothin' in the books that says it's illegal for a man to jump off his tractor and run up to his house.