The premise certainly has promise: A wealthy woman (the rather plain looking Ronnie Ross) decides to use her considerable fortune to make and direct her own hardcore feature starring legendary 70's porn stud John Holmes. Alas, Carlos Tobalina's flat and uninspired by-the-numbers direction fails to provide any essential heat or humor to make said premise work. Instead this flick merely plods from one insipidly staged sex scene to another without ever generating much in the way of either laughs or eroticism. The bland cardboard cinematography rates as another serious problem, with the alarming overuse of static master shots draining the energy out of almost all of the on-screen coupling (for example, the bungled inevitable climactic orgy is just decent at best due to an unfortunate lack of extensive coverage needed to make it truly sizzle). On the plus side, the funky-chilling score hits the get-down groovy spot, the gals look hot and natural, Fernando Fortes amuses as a horny cameraman, and we do get to see a lot of Holmes' famously enormous phallus. A disappointing missed opportunity.
3 Reviews
"I Am Always Ready": More Like, I Wish I'd Waited
MajesticMane9 June 2024
Director Carlos Tobalina's 1978 adult film "I Am Always Ready" is a strange beast. On the one hand, it has all the ingredients of a typical 70s porn flick: ambitious young women, X-rated film fantasies, and the legendary John Holmes. On the other hand, it somehow manages to feel stagnant and dull.
The plot, if you can call it that, centers around a wealthy young woman's dream of becoming an X-rated film star and having her way with John Holmes. It's a simple setup that could've been entertaining, but the film fails to capitalize on this potential.
One of the main issues is the pacing. The film stretches a thin premise over 74 excruciating minutes. It feels like the same joke or scenario is being replayed over and over, with little variation or progression. It's a classic case of quantity over quality.
That being said, the film is not without its redeeming qualities. Veteran porn star Annette Haven makes an appearance, and even a little bit of Annette is worth a lot when compared to other less skilled performers. Haven's scene is easily the highlight of the film and showcases her talent and screen presence.
Technically, the film is also quite competent. The 2K scan from the 35mm original camera negatives ensures a clear and crisp picture. The lighting and cinematography are also surprisingly decent, with some creative shots and compositions that elevate the otherwise mundane scenes.
However, these positive aspects can't make up for the overall lack of effort and creativity. "I Am Always Ready" feels like a lazy attempt to cash in on the popularity of adult films at the time. It's a forgettable addition to the genre and does little to stimulate or entertain.
In conclusion, "I Am Always Ready" is a disappointing effort from Tobalina. While it has a few bright spots, they are few and far between, and the film ultimately fails to arouse or engage its audience.
The plot, if you can call it that, centers around a wealthy young woman's dream of becoming an X-rated film star and having her way with John Holmes. It's a simple setup that could've been entertaining, but the film fails to capitalize on this potential.
One of the main issues is the pacing. The film stretches a thin premise over 74 excruciating minutes. It feels like the same joke or scenario is being replayed over and over, with little variation or progression. It's a classic case of quantity over quality.
That being said, the film is not without its redeeming qualities. Veteran porn star Annette Haven makes an appearance, and even a little bit of Annette is worth a lot when compared to other less skilled performers. Haven's scene is easily the highlight of the film and showcases her talent and screen presence.
Technically, the film is also quite competent. The 2K scan from the 35mm original camera negatives ensures a clear and crisp picture. The lighting and cinematography are also surprisingly decent, with some creative shots and compositions that elevate the otherwise mundane scenes.
However, these positive aspects can't make up for the overall lack of effort and creativity. "I Am Always Ready" feels like a lazy attempt to cash in on the popularity of adult films at the time. It's a forgettable addition to the genre and does little to stimulate or entertain.
In conclusion, "I Am Always Ready" is a disappointing effort from Tobalina. While it has a few bright spots, they are few and far between, and the film ultimately fails to arouse or engage its audience.
Quite poor even compared to other Troy Benny junkers
lor_12 June 2015
When you set a very low standard for yourself, that doesn't mean you will automatically reach or surpass it. Such is the case with I AM ALWAYS READY, a zero effort porn exercise from Carlos Tobalina/aka Troy Benny, in which a single in-joke is stretched to excruciating 74 minutes duration.
Stupid gag is that Fernando Fortes, Carlos's mini-me or perhaps Guillermo to his Jimmy Kimmel, is horny and whether by design (when he was Peter Principled into the leading role of COME UNDER MY SPELL) or accident, he is wont to join in on the XXX humping before the camera. Only Jake Jacobs aka Jay Crew in mainstream porn fits this dubious hyphenate category.
Most of the dialog and action is reported in inter-titles, just as was done during the Silent Era of cinema, or more appropriate to the content here, for ancient silent stag films. Like much of Tobalina's work, this feature resembles a stag film though is less entertaining or stimulating.
Supposedly a matronly Ronnie Ross is directing pornography, with FF as her trusty cameraman. This permits the real director CT to sloppily included clapper-boards on screen, have Ronnie pretend to be telling performers what to do, and other devices which owe less to Berthold Brecht and more to Andy Warhol. A second camera is often shooting the movie, as FF's on-screen camera may just be a prop. Either way, Carlos's primitive cinematic technique emphasizes master shots and poor framing as usual.
One sequence with Frisco talent is a bit tongue-in-cheek as familiar face (and cock) Ken Scudder identifies himself in a supposed interview with Ronnie as Karl Johnasson AKA Peter Locke. Peter Locke was a big-time film and TV producer who also made porn and is notable for his early work with Wes Craven, so this is perhaps an in-joke on him. More coincidence than in-joke is Mike Horner appearing using the stage name Roy Clarki Jr., no relation to the country music star.
Film is so pointless it verges at times on cryptic. Ronnie sits in her director's canvas chair with "Mercedes-Benz" emblazoned on the back of her blouse - perhaps in a parallel world she could be up for directing Vin Diesel Jr. in FURIOUS DRIFT #43. Of the cast a loops superstar is saddled, almost alone, with her correct name credit Connie Pefersen; so is Tobalina regular John Holmes, humping for a few bucks and top billing on the marquee.
Other porn stars in need of a paycheck pop up in a worthless orgy, including Paul Thomas who gets one line in edgewise on the soundtrack. Most of the film is shot MOS.
My least favorite sequence, among many contenders, is an orgy where a guy dressed with a brown paper bag over his head (with holes to permit cunnilingus) looking just like The Unknown Comic is trying to hump Connie, when Fernando jumps into the fray to replace him and deliver a feeble cum shot. I'm guessing it was Carlos himself in the bag.
Like a broken record (and I unfortunately own many of them in my 78rpm jazz collection) I once again suggest this Troy Benny movie and all its surviving artifacts whether VHS or DVD, be sent to reside in a landfill.
Stupid gag is that Fernando Fortes, Carlos's mini-me or perhaps Guillermo to his Jimmy Kimmel, is horny and whether by design (when he was Peter Principled into the leading role of COME UNDER MY SPELL) or accident, he is wont to join in on the XXX humping before the camera. Only Jake Jacobs aka Jay Crew in mainstream porn fits this dubious hyphenate category.
Most of the dialog and action is reported in inter-titles, just as was done during the Silent Era of cinema, or more appropriate to the content here, for ancient silent stag films. Like much of Tobalina's work, this feature resembles a stag film though is less entertaining or stimulating.
Supposedly a matronly Ronnie Ross is directing pornography, with FF as her trusty cameraman. This permits the real director CT to sloppily included clapper-boards on screen, have Ronnie pretend to be telling performers what to do, and other devices which owe less to Berthold Brecht and more to Andy Warhol. A second camera is often shooting the movie, as FF's on-screen camera may just be a prop. Either way, Carlos's primitive cinematic technique emphasizes master shots and poor framing as usual.
One sequence with Frisco talent is a bit tongue-in-cheek as familiar face (and cock) Ken Scudder identifies himself in a supposed interview with Ronnie as Karl Johnasson AKA Peter Locke. Peter Locke was a big-time film and TV producer who also made porn and is notable for his early work with Wes Craven, so this is perhaps an in-joke on him. More coincidence than in-joke is Mike Horner appearing using the stage name Roy Clarki Jr., no relation to the country music star.
Film is so pointless it verges at times on cryptic. Ronnie sits in her director's canvas chair with "Mercedes-Benz" emblazoned on the back of her blouse - perhaps in a parallel world she could be up for directing Vin Diesel Jr. in FURIOUS DRIFT #43. Of the cast a loops superstar is saddled, almost alone, with her correct name credit Connie Pefersen; so is Tobalina regular John Holmes, humping for a few bucks and top billing on the marquee.
Other porn stars in need of a paycheck pop up in a worthless orgy, including Paul Thomas who gets one line in edgewise on the soundtrack. Most of the film is shot MOS.
My least favorite sequence, among many contenders, is an orgy where a guy dressed with a brown paper bag over his head (with holes to permit cunnilingus) looking just like The Unknown Comic is trying to hump Connie, when Fernando jumps into the fray to replace him and deliver a feeble cum shot. I'm guessing it was Carlos himself in the bag.
Like a broken record (and I unfortunately own many of them in my 78rpm jazz collection) I once again suggest this Troy Benny movie and all its surviving artifacts whether VHS or DVD, be sent to reside in a landfill.
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