2/10
This House is not a Home
17 February 2024
I'm being generous when I say that the original Witchouse was not one of Full Moon's finer hours, yet somehow it seemed to have a sequel in the works before it was even released. I call it a sequel, but if we're being honest it's not really a sequel, it's just got actress Ariauna Albright playing an evil witch called Lilith in a completely unrelated plot that's almost the same.

Albright is introduced as a Professor leading a team of annoying students headed up by mouthy cameraman Norman (Nicholas Lanier) and blonde beauty Stephanie (Elizabeth Hobgood) to Massachusetts where 4 unmarked graves have been found. They are met with (supposed, we never really see it) hostility from the townsfolk regarding this, though Sherriff Harmon (Andrew Prine) feigns hospitality. As Norman and Stephanie search the town records for clues, a bone fragment getting into a cut on the professor's hand leads to her acting very strangely, and this all comes to a crescendo with the town's dark history of witch trials coming back to haunt them, and the students.

I take back every bad word I said about the original. It was bad but at least it felt like a Full Moon level production - this is the absolute pits. There's some Blair Witch style camcorder footage to roll eyes at, but truth be told the whole movie looks like it was shot with a potato.

I actually wasn't aware that this, and the first movie it turns out, were shot in Romania. We see that little exteriors that it can pass as small town America, but I do find myself bemused as to why you'd film a gothic themed horror in Romania and not just set it there?

The characters are nonexistent, the plot sparse at best (given and no scares so to speak of. This whole affair seems to be purely designed with the purpose of trying to make Lilith into a 'horror icon'

I'd be doing it a favour calling it disposable, this is actually really bad. I might rag on Full Moon, but they usually have something of a standard watchable level. This is so far below it, I honestly think they should be ashamed.
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