3/10
Return of the Chinese
4 September 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Joachim Fuchsberger and Brigitte Grothum together for the second time in a row and the third time in five films? When I saw their names in the opening credits I actually stopped the video and went to check online if they were actually married in real life and just wanted to work together as much as possible. But that wasn't it.

So, Grothum's third appearance and the third time that someone's trying to force her into marriage. Something of a recurring motif, eh? This time it's her uncle forcing her to marry someone she's never even heard of, let alone met. Naturally, she's distraught - until it turns out to be Fuchsberger, even with his stubble.

Yep. Apparently, having a stubble was considered something akin to a crime against humanity in 1963 London. Even if you looked like Joachim Fuchsberger, a 2-day growth would make ugly people call you ugly and respectable women would rather commit hara-kiri than countenance marriage to you. Grothum, who knows she's destined to get with him in her every incarnation until the end of time, is visibly relieved when he shaves it off.

Oh, and because she no longer needs to be forced into marriage with Fuchsberger, Grothum ends up with his half-brother trying to force her into marrying him instead. So four times.

Anyway, enough of that, how about the rest of the film? Well, it was something a bit different, but not in a good way. Rather than trying new ways of doing old things, the makers have simply stripped out most of those old things. So we have no hidden mastermind, no mysteries to be solved, no secrets to be discovered. Those elements can be present even without a policeman hero. The plot is therefore minimal and can be expressed as "Fuchsberger must stop his evil brother," which plays out as "beautiful girl and ugly ornament go back and forth between Fuchsberger and brother." Pretty unexciting.

P. S. Can anyone explain to me why Fuchsberger brings with him to London the very thing he knows his brother needs in order to start a war?
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