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Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me (2022)

A story out of Darkness into the light, breaks the heart

[10/10 · 7 November 2022]

There is a moment in Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me in which it feels like the star's world has cracked wide open, and she's bravely invited viewers to witness what comes next. Both of these things are somewhat true of the Apple TV+ documentary, made about a six-year period in Gomez's life, which focuses on her mental health. But the hour-and-a-half-long film does something curious 20 minutes in, when the singer and actress receives a bipolar disorder diagnosis in 2019, following hospitalization for a psychotic break. Gomez, now 30, tells the viewer that when she first got out, she didn't know how she'd cope with the diagnosis."I needed to keep learning about it," she says. "I needed to take it day by day."Then she tenderly recalls a childhood fear of thunderstorms, which could precede a tornado in her native Texas. Recognizing her daughter's terror, Gomez's mother provided her with books about storms, lightning, and thunder. This is paired with touching home video footage of a young Gomez being held in her mother's arms and playing innocently outside as thunder rumbles in the background."She basically said, 'The more you learn about it, the less you're going to be afraid of it,'" Gomez remembers. "And it really helped." For a moment, it seems like Gomez is poised to let her recovery journey unfold before our eyes, but this is not the film we're given. The intimate documentary shows Gomez in crisis, and yes, her revival, but not much of what happens in between. Though Gomez courageously allows the camera to linger as she weeps over anxious thoughts and stares blankly out the window, perhaps overcome by numbing depression, we never learn what bipolar disorder is, or how it affects her. This is not a criticism of Gomez or the filmmakers inasmuch as it's an attempt to imagine how else a project like this could address mental health in ways that help others, something that Gomez suggests is vitally important to her. What Gomez offers to viewers instead is profound reassurance that they're not alone with their pain. The genuine compassion she shows two young women who've attempted or contemplated suicide are standout scenes, not only because she recognizes their suffering, but also because she embraces them without judgment or shame. If only a fraction of viewers model the empathy she displays, Gomez may indeed fulfill her hope of saving lives.