Obviously, SOMEONE couldn't handle the criticism in my last review of this show. Three hours of unedited patrol of peace officers ends up with lots of boring interactions with citizens, thank goodness, but much of it is like watching paint dry. The hydrocephalic Dan Abrams has always seemed pretty innocuous in his many TV appearances. He always looks like a deer caught in headlights with his thousand-yard stare. I haven't read his books and have no intention of doing so. But here, Abrams PERFORMS! He cracks puns after the patrol segments, real groaners that he has to really reach for to the point of stretching. Early on, apparently there was a fly in the studio, although it was not visible to viewers. But Abrams used it as an opportunity to bust out his unintentionally comical "boxing" moves. He and his two fellow panelists, retired police officers themselves, started out with all three wearing Polo-type sports shirts. After some fan sent in a slobber about Abrams' "guns" on his skinny arms, he has since started wearing dress shirts. Then panel provides NFL-type commentary on clips they have just watched. The two former cops offer interesting, pertinent, and incisive remarks, so Abrams is left to crack wise. He flirts shamelessly with Sean "Sticks" Larkin while paying only token attention to the other guy. Abrams frantically shifts between the 47/almost 50/more than 50 (it seems to evolve from time to time) cameras in various jurisdictions (which numbers seem to evolve from time to time also) in attempts to find some action. In the attempt he often shifts away from a situation that is starting to become interesting - either from potential action or just human interest. Abrams practically wet his panties with excitement when he heard a comment of "officer down." Mercifully, it only meant an officer has fallen down while in pursuit, but Abrams seemed almost disappointed that an officer hadn't been shot. Abrams is building a media empire, but obviously felt threatened by my review. Spare yourselves the THREE-HOUR "live" episodes and wait a week or so for the one-hour "On Patrol: First Shift" which cuts out all the boring bits and concentrates on the exciting action - which is what compels most viewers to tune in to see. The most interesting parts of the three-hour "live" episodes are the recorded ones, offered as "Earlier in..." or "Just before airtime in...". Now they're repacking older episodes under titles instead of numbers, which misleads some into thinking they're new. Who woulda thunk that such a show would have to be edited down to really hold our interest? Oh, the producers of the hugely successful "Cops" franchise and every other such show. The rave reviews here have to be from friends and family of people associated with the production of this show. "Anything can happen. Anything. Anything." But usually doesn't.
Review of On Patrol: Live
