Movie starts out with some big turd looking monolith out in the arid desert as Chow Yun-fat makes a drop with The Hitchhiker from Texas Chainsaw.
A Leyland Brother's helicopter closes in as all parties drop their guts, and their drugs, and the chase is on. Busted.
Bob Hatfield pitches in and goes toe-to-toe with Mr Fat while The Hitchhiker burns alive in a car crash.
Chow Yun-fat is apprehended and awaits extradition.
Meanwhile, training at special N. A. M. B. L. A. headquarters, to gay disco music, The Man From Hong Kong must be this swanky pretty boy who thinks he's Brue Lee and has the deep Adam Cartwright voice?
A green lantern Martian, wearing a onesie, beds the deep-voiced kung-Fu master in exchange for her kite back after being accused of being a spy for the red army. Look at the perspiration on these two, would you?
The martial artist, with the deep-fried Bonanza voice, flies Air TNA, (Remember that commercial? Take take me away Air TNA?) Turns out his name is Fancy Ling and he has to extradite Mr Fat back to Taiwan to face charges of illegal distribution of knockoff Pokémon sales.
Is that Ron Jeremy, or The Yorkshire Ripper?
Chow Yun-fat is assassinated by Peter Russell-Clarke, the rooftop sniper, who then gets into fisticuffs with Fancy Ling in a fight that's overly long. In fact, this fight goes longer than the big boss fight at the end! Peter Russell-Clarke takes more blows than a hooker does in a week. Stop him already.
Richard Harrison, minus his ninja duds, is the big boss in this. He doesn't really do anything but wear fine clothes and act like a head honcho.
Movie quickly drops any plot and just turns into a mash 'em up slog fest to showcase fighting skills. Don't ya just love it when one guy can take on over 30 dudes in one sitting like it ain't no thing?
Wounded, and taken in by a werewolf looking woman, Fancy Ling is treated at a vet for deep lacerations, heals in a day, rides a horse bareback, and makes love to the hirsute night crawler over a billabong in the outback.
Driving his newfound love back to the city, some henchmen of Richard Harrison's attach a safe-cracking-decoder sticky bomb to their ride and blows the hairy woman to bits leaving Fancy Fong to rage like Chuck Norris where he does a little Mad Max on the knitwear gangsters.
This whole revenge driving sequence is filmed like they've got training wheels on with 80-year-old people behind the wheel.
Was I even born when this was filmed?
Enlisting the help of the sweaty frog woman, in the onesie from earlier, Fong Chop abseils a kite to Richard Harrison's lair and, as expected, beats the tripe out of him even though he's armed to the teeth. You always knew it'd come down to these two at the end with obviously Fancy Fang being the winner. Surprise surprise.
To be truthful, this movie runs on life support! The acting's woeful. It's akin to bald tires on a lemon and the story was written on used toilet paper.
Oh, and it must be noted that there's a lame racist scene in the movie. It was the kind of childish act we used to pull back in year 3.
A Leyland Brother's helicopter closes in as all parties drop their guts, and their drugs, and the chase is on. Busted.
Bob Hatfield pitches in and goes toe-to-toe with Mr Fat while The Hitchhiker burns alive in a car crash.
Chow Yun-fat is apprehended and awaits extradition.
Meanwhile, training at special N. A. M. B. L. A. headquarters, to gay disco music, The Man From Hong Kong must be this swanky pretty boy who thinks he's Brue Lee and has the deep Adam Cartwright voice?
A green lantern Martian, wearing a onesie, beds the deep-voiced kung-Fu master in exchange for her kite back after being accused of being a spy for the red army. Look at the perspiration on these two, would you?
The martial artist, with the deep-fried Bonanza voice, flies Air TNA, (Remember that commercial? Take take me away Air TNA?) Turns out his name is Fancy Ling and he has to extradite Mr Fat back to Taiwan to face charges of illegal distribution of knockoff Pokémon sales.
Is that Ron Jeremy, or The Yorkshire Ripper?
Chow Yun-fat is assassinated by Peter Russell-Clarke, the rooftop sniper, who then gets into fisticuffs with Fancy Ling in a fight that's overly long. In fact, this fight goes longer than the big boss fight at the end! Peter Russell-Clarke takes more blows than a hooker does in a week. Stop him already.
Richard Harrison, minus his ninja duds, is the big boss in this. He doesn't really do anything but wear fine clothes and act like a head honcho.
Movie quickly drops any plot and just turns into a mash 'em up slog fest to showcase fighting skills. Don't ya just love it when one guy can take on over 30 dudes in one sitting like it ain't no thing?
Wounded, and taken in by a werewolf looking woman, Fancy Ling is treated at a vet for deep lacerations, heals in a day, rides a horse bareback, and makes love to the hirsute night crawler over a billabong in the outback.
Driving his newfound love back to the city, some henchmen of Richard Harrison's attach a safe-cracking-decoder sticky bomb to their ride and blows the hairy woman to bits leaving Fancy Fong to rage like Chuck Norris where he does a little Mad Max on the knitwear gangsters.
This whole revenge driving sequence is filmed like they've got training wheels on with 80-year-old people behind the wheel.
Was I even born when this was filmed?
Enlisting the help of the sweaty frog woman, in the onesie from earlier, Fong Chop abseils a kite to Richard Harrison's lair and, as expected, beats the tripe out of him even though he's armed to the teeth. You always knew it'd come down to these two at the end with obviously Fancy Fang being the winner. Surprise surprise.
To be truthful, this movie runs on life support! The acting's woeful. It's akin to bald tires on a lemon and the story was written on used toilet paper.
Oh, and it must be noted that there's a lame racist scene in the movie. It was the kind of childish act we used to pull back in year 3.