Lost in Space (2018–2021)
2/10
People aren't this dumb
21 September 2021
We have a ship with some sort of synthetic gravity that works on butts and containers, but not on playing cards. Uh huh. An impact causes the aforementioned container to slide into the leg of mom, breaking said leg. A container no one - not the engineers who designed the ship, not the mechanics who built the ship, not the genius women onboard, not even the males onboard thought worthy of anchoring down.

Ship crash lands on an unknown planet, largely intact. Time to review procedures for evaluating an alien planet. Nah. Let's all leave the synthetic gravity and human sustainable artificial environment and blindly rush out the airlock because every planet we've encountered has an earth-normal gravity, a non-corrosive atmosphere, protective suit range temperatures, and breathable air for our air tanks we forgot to check and are empty. Every planet is like that. Except Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. You know, every other planet we know about. Never mind.

Turns out it's great they rushed headlong out into the unknown, because the ship landed on an ice planet where you can't see their breath when they speak. No time to ponder that, let's leave both hatches of the airlock wide open so when the ship breaks through the ice the water can flood the place. Next time we'll order airlocks that, you know, prevent what's outside from coming in in case we land on a place where the air isn't great to breathe.

No worries this time, though. Dad tore his suit and isn't instantly dead, which proves conclusively to genius mom that the air is breathable and free from dangerous particulates and microbes. Lucky for them atmospheres come in only two types: instant death, perfectly breathable. Genius mom doffs her helmet and encourages the children to do the same. Why test the air when you got disposable dummy canary dad around to do it for you? A dad serving his country that genius mom decides to divorce and abscond with the children while he's on active duty because he may not approve of her selling top secrets to steal a slot from a worthy child for her own son. Way to go, genius likable mom!

Meanwhile genius older daughter falls in the lake that freezes from the bottom up. Since water expands as it freezes this pushes the young lady safely up out of the lake, depositing her gently on top of the ice. Unfortunately, the expanding ice at the lake bottom pushes the lake water up out of the lake, flooding the area, drowning genius likable mom who couldn't flee due to her broken leg.

Yeah, no. That didn't happen. Ice doesn't expand as it freezes on *this* planet, neither does darling daughter, so someone needs a plan to free her. We'll just grab the axe from our survival gear that we... um, all forgot to grab on our headlong rush into the unknown. They knew they were forgetting something. Enter the stupid boy who had to be bought onboard. "Let's throw chunks of hot burning metal on her head". "Great idea!" All they need now are chunks of flammable metal and a computer to perform the thermodynamic equations so they don't use too much and incinerate the kid.

I could go on, but after ten minutes of this show my head hurts. Did no one involved in this production point out how juvenile this all is? Other reviewers excuse the lapses in anything approaching human level intelligence as the show is targeted at kids. I don't buy that excuse because kids have human level intelligence.

Two stars for the laughs.
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