1/10
Is this a joke?
26 May 2021
1989's 'Tetsuo: The iron man' is a uniquely disturbing horror classic. I haven't had a chance to see 'Tetsuo II,' but given an opportunity to watch 'Tetsuo: The bullet man,' how could I decline?

I should have declined.

The production value is higher, but the writing is simply terrible. It's as though 'The bullet man' is a parody of not just the "Tetsuo" concept, but of any film with a vaguely similar narrative bent. Even writer-director Shinya Tsukamoto's camerawork seems to wink at the audience, like he's saying "Heh heh, check this out." And Eric Bossick's performance is so pointedly over the top that I can't rightly think of an immediate comparison, except maybe Hammer horror films of the 60s and 70s.

As if to emphasize the point: protagonist Anthony's Hulk-like display of grief, after the pivotal moment that launches the plot, would be far more convincing if Bossick weren't just wildly flailing about in a splatter of water that instantly invokes 'Flashdance.' He's a maniac! Maniac! What a feeling!

I do like the conspiratorial aspect of the narrative, the manipulation at hand - even if it reeks of unnecessary, unseemly one-upmanship. The ending, though a bit curt in its simplicity, is fitting. But even these are squandered here, while characterizations, dialogue, particular details of the plot, and the build of specific sequences defy good sense. Even the effects, the makeup and prosthetics that illustrate Anthony's transformation, very quickly cross a line from "somewhat unsettling" to "obnoxious."

If there's anything to actually enjoy here, it's the industrial music that slowly builds throughout the film, reaching a crescendo at the climax. It lends definite atmosphere to 'The bullet man' - more than it makes use of, or deserves. The fact that Nine Inch Nails contribute a swell original song over the end credits is a great gift that's wasted on the bluster we just sat through to hear it, and still not enough to make these 71 minutes worthwhile.

This feature is a mark of shame ill-fitting the status of 1989's progenitor. So much so that I wonder if a passing line from the film's "antagonist" isn't actually a subtle admission from Tsukamoto of a realization he's gone too far: "This shot would be far too tacky."

I've found myself watching some really great movies recently, but also some regrettable clunkers. None of them compare to 'Tetsuo: The bullet man.' Two thumbs way down.
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