The Pitts (2003)
1/10
The Most Idiotic, Yet Strangely Intriguing Sitcom Ever Made!
15 May 2021
Warning: Spoilers
For those of you who grew up watching Fox primetime programming, you may remember a litany of terrible sitcoms they greenlit in the late '90s and early 2000s, all trying to be "edgy" or a no-holds-barred, totally wacky yuk fest that forces you to turn off your brain and just go with the flow. This may be owing to Fox desperately trying to fill the void left by what was arguably their most successful live-action sitcom of all time, Married With Children, which was canceled in 1997. The Simpsons was still burning up the airwaves, and one of the showrunners at the time was a man named Mike Scully. Since they all liked poking fun at Fox, because let's face it, that network is an easy target, he and his wife, Julie Thacker-Scully made a bet with them, saying, "we bet we can create the most insane, ridiculous and idiotic show in history, and you'll greenlight it." At least, I think they did, it's just a theory. But sure enough, because Mike Scully of The Simpsons was attached, Fox greenlit their series. Said series would turn out to be one of the stupidest sitcoms ever created, a show that insults its audience and breaks all the laws of physics and reality. A little show called The Pitts. It follows the most unlucky family in the world. But the only problem is that their world is so bonkers, they seem to fit right in. The patriarch of this troubled clan is Bob, played by Dylan Baker, and I really think they should have hired an actor who is more akin to comedy, as Baker's strengths lay more with drama. He was completely miscast in this role. Bob is a typical suburban husband and father. The character is so transparent, you'd think he was a ghost. His wife, Liz, played by the late Kellie Waymire, is a typical suburban wife and mother, also a cliched character, as the two of them smile and laugh off any obstacle that befalls them. They own and operate a store that rips-off Mailboxes, Etc., calling it Mailboxes and More, Plus. This series is very lazy when it comes to company names... and jokes, and stories, and plots, and performances, and... everything. As for their kids, there's future con-man Petey (David Henrie), and his older sister, Faith (Lizzy Caplan). Now with Faith, they were going for a Marilyn Munster type of character who is the "normal" one in a strange family. Unfortunately, that doesn't really work here. She just comes off as a typical teenage daughter who despises her family and longs for a normal life. But when all is said and done, she treats every oddity and absurdity around her as just another day.

So, what is this series about exactly? Like I said, it's about the unluckiest family in the world, but it feels more or less like a live-action cartoon. Even The Simpsons and Family Guy feel more real than this. There's an episode where Faith buys a "haunted" Volkswagen that talks to her, Bob and Liz become werewolves, Bob has a sentient dummy that he kept locked up in his basement for years that outsmarts and robs them, Faith gets a pipe stuck in her head, and there are two that never aired in which the family is taken hostage by prisoners and Bob and Liz join a square dancing club that's really a Satanic cult. These sound like the type of ideas that little kids would come up, not adults. In fact, I think this series would have worked better as a sitcom for kids, airing on Saturday morning, NOT a show aimed at adults airing after such sophisticated comedies as The Simpsons, King of the Hill, and Malcolm in the Middle. Now, with those shows, of course I used the term "sophisticated" loosely, but compared to The Pitts, a garbage dump is sophisticated. The pilot episode is about Liz hiring a nanny, who turns out to be a woman Bob stood up in high school. That's the most realistic plot this series had, the rest of it is just fever dream nonsense, like a talking Bug and a pipe stuck through the head... I mean, seriously, how did Faith get a pipe lodged through her head and not die? Silly me, there's nothing in her head to take damage. Maybe instead of a bet, this whole thing was supposed to be a practical joke, except the joke is on us. The writing for this series is abysmal. The worst writing I have ever seen for ANY show in history. What the hell were they trying to do here? There is a big difference between being mindless fun and a full-on display of idiocy.

I remember tuning in that fateful night lo those many years ago in 2003 when the pilot for this series aired. Fox promoted the hell out of it, like they do for all their big premiers. I guess they think if they annoy the viewer enough, they'll watch it. Well, I did, like the sap I am, and I was left baffled. This was beyond anything I had ever seen before, the stupidity was at levels I didn't think could be reached. I've been called an idiot by shows and movies before, but this one not only called me an idiot, it kicked me in the junk while doing so. To this day, I'm still baffled by this show. Out of all the terrible TV shows I've ever seen, this one continues to stand out. Why? I keep asking myself, why? What is it about this show that stands out? Why does it exist? Why did somebody think this was a good idea? It can't be just because it was co-created by Mike Scully. He had to have blackmailed somebody at Fox, or maybe this was a front, to pretend money was being spent on this series when it was probably just an excuse for Scully and Fox to splurge, or maybe for some sort of tax write-off. This is the type of series that would be a gag sitcom seen on Saturday Night Live or Kentucky Fried Movie, or even the type of show the guys in Mel Brooks' The Producers would come up with. The Pitts was a one-note joke that nobody thought was funny. Thank God it was canceled after 5 episodes. I heard back in 2007 that Scully wanted to revive it as an animated series... which is what it should have been in the FIRST PLACE, but Fox quickly canned that idea. Good. Let this horrible concept burn in the fires of Hell where it belongs. So, do I recommend The Pitts? God, no! It's one of the worst sitcoms ever made and among the worst shows to air on Fox, which isn't saying much. Small wonder nobody takes that network seriously.
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