ironhorse_iv Review of We Wish You a Turtle Christmas

We Wish You a Turtle Christmas (1994 Video)

This 1994 direct to video film really did flop big time. It turned turtle.

[2/10 · 30 December 2020]

As the title of this movie suggest. This Christmas special was based off the comic book four anthropomorphic animal superheroes created by Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird; which its franchise grew in popularity in the late 1980s and early 1990s due to the animation television show 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'. Directed by Larry Osbourne, this 25- minutes video VHS tape has the group searching for a gift for their sensi Splinter performed by Jack William Scott. Coming out just after the trilogy of live action features & the semi awful cheesy "Coming Out of Their Shells" concert tour; including their short stint performing in Disneyland parks. The production had plenty of costumes to used from. Yet they choose easy noticeable removable head masks that have little to no room for facial movement. The turtles are constantly grinning with open mouths throughout the whole special. As for Splinter the rat. The filmmakers reused a costume from the concert tour for that. Yet he still looks like a fat hamster who can barely open his mouth. Because of that the lip-syncing is completely way off from both of the costumes. Then there is the voice acting. The performers wholly forgot lines of dialogue and had little direction with their body movement. They really had to improvise and ab-libs during and between certain musical sequences. It especially got awkward when the undisguised turtles venture into the streets of New York and interaction with the town folks. Seeing them hang out with little poorly timed non-talent drummer childrens during the middle of the night or stealing a bell from Santa Claus in Time Square was just bizarre. It gets even weirder when they get back to their sewer hideout to find random kids dancing in the middle of their musical numbers without any introduction. There is so many questions about this. How in the hell did they find the location so easily yet the villains could not & where did they come from without their parents? I doubt their mothers and fathers would allow them to hang out in a smelly, dangerous, probably super cold urban gutter with no manholes in December with a bunch of mysterious mutants with sharp weapons. Look I get that there is a theory that says that April O'Neil brought them there, but that also begs the question why was she missing in this special. She's pretty much family to them. Even key supporting characters like Casey Jones didn't show up. I guess they couldn't find and paid any more performers with their insanely tiny budget of $5,000. While the poor production values of the special can be at least excused because of that. The music will not. Look I get that the Turtles had to used some public domain songs like 'Deck the Halls' and '12 Days of Christmas' to eat up the runtime, but they could had been a little cleverer with the repetitive change lyrics rather than the somewhat offensive stereotypical Jamaican reggae accents. Maybe perform ninja like dance stunts while singing in different location rather awkward cuts in the same area. Although that might not be the best idea as the costumes are so cheap that the visual seams and zippers could had rip and torn. After all it's disturbing enough that during the performance of the 'Gotta get a gift for Splinter' musical number, the actor Ronn K. Smith playing Leonardo, had his genitals somewhat visible hanging out of his costume. Still seeing them in action would had been a little more entertaining that way than watching Michelangelo (Voiced by James Eric Anzalone) sing New York-themed opera parody of 'Oh Little Town of Bethlehem' alone while the others stand around looking around to bully Santa. Other songs like 'Up from the Sewer' a parody of the 19th century tune of "Over the River and Through the Woods' was fairly short. Too bad the Turtles Rap was not one of them. That hip hop jam in the same vein as Run DMC "Christmas in Hollis," was not up to par. Like a pizza from CEC, it was really cheesy. As for the last song. It so long that it continues over the closing credits to the point that the now-offscreen Turtles start giving their comments regarding it. For me I found it weird that song plays there rather than the opening credits; seeing that the title of this flick is named after it. Instead, the beginning with the awful edited glowing special effects has a really odd silence tone that doesn't really give out the jolly feels of watching this movie might bring forth. The song that followed that 'We're the Turtles' didn't really have the same magic as the concert version. Overall: While some people can be entertained by the so bad it's good production quality. I sadly am not one of them. Being one of two musical live-action Ninja Turtles videos produced by Christopher Films in 1994 with the other being 'Turtle Tunes'. None of them were Cowabunga! They were more like cow dung. Not worth the watch.