Ice Cream Man (1995)
4/10
A (two ball) screwball horror.
18 September 2020
Ron Howard is no oil painting, but compared to his brother Clint, he's George Clooney. Still, Clint's 'unique' looks make him perfect for off-beat creepy characters like Gregory Tudor, the titular ice cream man of this goofy black comedy/horror.

As a child, Gregory witnesses the gangland shooting of ice cream man Butch Brickle, during which the young lad takes a bullet to the skull, all of which sees him receiving prolonged psychiatric treatment at the Wishing Well Hospital. When he is released, all growed up, Gregory (Howard) moves into Brickle's old ice cream parlour (which he rents from his elderly nurse, played by a totally mis-cast Olivia Hussey), and operates an ice cream truck. Gregory is desperate to keep the local children happy with his frozen treats, but his psychotic side leads him to kill.

Snarling his dialogue while pulling pulling faces that would give his own mother nightmares, Clint sure makes an impression as Gregory, so it's a shame that the film as a whole really isn't that good. There are flashes of ghoulish greatness, such as when the ice cream man serves David Naughton's severed head in an oversized cone, or uses a pair of cops' bloody noggins as puppets, but there's also a lot of padding (and I'm not just talking about a particularly obvious fat-suit; you'll know it when you see it), most of it involving the gang of youngsters who, unable to convince the adults of Gregory's behaviour, take it upon themselves to find proof.

The film does improve with a lively final act, but the film's more drawn-out and occasionally pointless moments make it tough going at times, the most baffling being a 'lunatics have taken over the asylum' scene featuring Lee Majors' son and a strangely uninvolved Jan Michael Vincent that goes on for ages. That reminds me, this film features an impressive cast of has-beens, never-weres and should-have-known-betters, Naughton, Majors, Vincent and Hussey joined by Sandahl Bergman (Conan The Barbarian, She, Hell Come To Frogtown) and David Warner (The Omen, TRON, Titanic).
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