"The Art of Racing in the Rain" is a color-by-numbers Hallmark film through and through. Each moment is filled to the brim with cookie-cutter plastic goodness. The entire cast and crew are on autopilot, as if they are taking on Formula racing literally. The comedy falls flat, but any comedy it does generate is unintentional and usually paired with some degree of cringing.
"Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed inside the hospital to hear the diagnosis and the options being discussed."
The above is an actual quote from the family dog. It could traditionally be considered some kind of spoiler if this film didn't have the subtlety of a public bludgeoning. The movie also knows nothing about dogs. It makes zero effort to get inside the mind of the star pup it is supposed to be about. It is more convincingly a horror film about a human with locked-in syndrome stuck inside of a dog's body stuck inside of a vanilla Lifetime Original Movie. And it's a dog with perfect 4K color vision and a perspective & vantage point used only when convenient for the narrative or if the angle fits the scene.
The acting is horrific and the dialogue is insufferably bad. It is full of canned phrases, spitting Instagram meme-level wisdom followed by a musical score that is either a premade sample off GarageBand or recycled from daytime TV soap operas. The dog dad (Milo Ventimiglia) is constantly smoldering. Literally every expression he makes in every scene is some version of a smolder... and he is in every scene. The child actress who plays the daughter is barely given any lines, and the one time she is seen bawling hysterically, her face is completely dry. The character who goes through chemo is rocking a beautiful set of long natural eyelashes despite losing her hair and brows. Her overall appearance on her deathbed makes me look like a cancer patient in comparison.
I haven't seen a movie this bad in a while. Then again, I have essentially already seen this film. Odds are you probably have too.
"Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed inside the hospital to hear the diagnosis and the options being discussed."
The above is an actual quote from the family dog. It could traditionally be considered some kind of spoiler if this film didn't have the subtlety of a public bludgeoning. The movie also knows nothing about dogs. It makes zero effort to get inside the mind of the star pup it is supposed to be about. It is more convincingly a horror film about a human with locked-in syndrome stuck inside of a dog's body stuck inside of a vanilla Lifetime Original Movie. And it's a dog with perfect 4K color vision and a perspective & vantage point used only when convenient for the narrative or if the angle fits the scene.
The acting is horrific and the dialogue is insufferably bad. It is full of canned phrases, spitting Instagram meme-level wisdom followed by a musical score that is either a premade sample off GarageBand or recycled from daytime TV soap operas. The dog dad (Milo Ventimiglia) is constantly smoldering. Literally every expression he makes in every scene is some version of a smolder... and he is in every scene. The child actress who plays the daughter is barely given any lines, and the one time she is seen bawling hysterically, her face is completely dry. The character who goes through chemo is rocking a beautiful set of long natural eyelashes despite losing her hair and brows. Her overall appearance on her deathbed makes me look like a cancer patient in comparison.
I haven't seen a movie this bad in a while. Then again, I have essentially already seen this film. Odds are you probably have too.