pixrox1 Review of I Wanna Be a Life Guard

I Wanna Be a Life Guard (1936)

It's said that the most wickedly wanton wenches . . .

[6/10 · 17 August 2019]

. . . are prone to resemble a set of Allen Wrenches, and the "Olive" of I WANNA BE A LIFE GUARD certainly seems to fill this bill. No swimsuit possibly could survive intact after "Miss Pipe Cleaner of 1936" belly-flops from a high dive into a public pool. Any dame of substance would emerge from such a debacle with her "public area" missing an "ell," baring the remaining five letters for the whole wide world to see. Even without the depiction of these inevitably gaping gawkers, I WANNA BE A LIFE GUARD's Olive resembles those water-walking insects so much that calling her a "woman" constitutes substance abuse. With "assets" that can be charitably described as "insubstantial," Olive probably doesn't qualify to be a victim of a rapacious assault--statutory, or otherwise. Though the average romantic discharge is said to include a fleet of up to 100 million attacking tadpoles, I WANNA BE A LIFE GUARD's Miss O. seems hard-pressed to attract a geyser of more than a couple stray geezer seaman. With odds like that, who needs Sweet Peas?