Review of Cry, Onion

Cry, Onion (1975)
5/10
Gun or Onion?
5 December 2018
I love Spaghetti Westerns, but am kind of weary of the more comedic ones as most, to be honest, are rubbish. This one stars Franco Nero as a man who travels in a carriage full of onions pulled by a farting horse, eating onions, juggling onions, drinking onion juice, and using them in fights. This film goes beyond stupid and because you've got Enzo Castellari behind the camera, you've got 100% effort. The might is extremely silly and full of slapstick though, so be warned.

I forgot to say that Nero's character is also called Onion, and he's just bought some land to plant onions from a guy who we've just seen being murdered by Romano Puppo and Massimo Vanni and another guy (the three bad guys Nero went up against in Castellari's Street Law). They work for the usual generic big business guy (Martin Balsam) who wants the land to prospect for oil. What's not generic is that Martin has a robotic hand that for some reason is maintained by Hitler!

Sterling Heyden is the local supressed newspaper guy with Emma Cohen as the daughter who falls in love with Nero (he even uses onion talk romantically). He also ends up looking after two young kids named Al Capone and Dutch Schultz. I'm guessing most people will have stopped reading the review by now, because how many do you know like this sort of stuff?

It is fun if you sit back and let the stupidity roll over you. There's a motorcycle gang, loads of stunts, and way too many Benny Hill style chases. Romano Puppo and Massimo Vanni have larger roles than usual as the bad guys. My eight year old kid thought the few minutes of it were funny, before he slipped away to continue playing his Xbox.
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