Cryptic (I) (2014)
8/10
STOP SHOOTING MY DEAD BROTHER!
8 May 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Contains comedy lines from the film. No end spoiler.

Seven crime figures are ordered by Gordon (Jerry Anderson) to guard a coffin until he arrives. An eighth person, an educated junkie (Ben Shafik) is also present when Steve Stevens (Ed Stoppard) their banker locks them in. The characters are quite colorful and Meat (Vas Blackwood) comes up with the dumbest questions. For instance:

Stevens says"I've got good news and I got bad news, what do you want first?" Criminal: " The bad news." Stevens "The bad news is, there is no good news." Meat: "Okay, what's the good news?"

The film is done grindhouse/Tarantino style with a shoot out, blood, and western metal music. The mystery item is "the coffin." Meat initially claims he ordered it off "the dark web" and it is a V-A-M-P-I-R-E slaying kit as Meat doesn't want to say the word and gets upset when anybody else says it. Tensions mount and suspicions fly as they suspect one among themselves is a v-a-m-p-i-r-e.
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