Two Pigeons (2017)
1/10
One of the worst movies I've ever seen
25 October 2017
Warning: Spoilers
There will be spoilers here (the biggest one: this is a crappy movie).

Movies where a disgruntled individual decides to utterly destroy the life of the one seen as the culprit for the avenger's disgrace are not exactly a novelty.

This movie, however, excels at being bad. I even feel sad for the actors, as they do a good job out of a poorly written script and even worse planned story.

So, what's the deal here? Simply put, a guy finds a new home for his family through a less than reputable real estate agent. He gives notice to his current landlord, only to find out days before moving that the new home has been sold to a higher bidder. He is "left to live on the street", his family life ruined along with, arguably, his sanity. So he takes to destroy the real estate agent's life. This real estate agent is a young, careless (but very fashion-aware) man with a girlfriend (initially on a trip). He lives in a rather small but very good apartment with her. They can't, for lack of space, have too many clothes. He is loose with his ethics and (while the girl is away) with home hygiene, but very economic (he saves on everything). When the girl is around, he strives to live up to her standards on hygiene and attention. He smokes the occasional (not all the time, not stupor-level) marijuana.

The avenger is a gaunt man. 2m tall, one can see all his ribs and his knees are extremely prominent. He is alive and moving quite nimbly, so he should weigh no less than, say, 80kg. Conveniently before the movie starts, he finds his way into the other guy's apartment and lodges himself in a lost space between two dry walls. And he starts living there, getting out when the other guy is either sleeping or out working, living off scraps and making sure nothing goes missing or looks moved about.

Then he starts changing things to adversely affect the agent's life. Small things at first: a morning alarm set a bit later, a meeting with the girl at the wrong time. Later, he changes big things (soiled toilets, CHLORINE IN SHAMPOOS, urine in the teapot, spit in the mouthwash). Eventually, the couple splits. Then, the agent loses his job. Finally, a face off - but the agent doesn't recognise his tormentor.

This movie presents a story that is absolutely not credible. A man that size hiding in a small apartment for weeks without being noticed. He never leaves. Neither the agent nor his girl notice anything (this guy eats badly and has no access to a toilet in the night - he would certainly make noise, either using his pee bottle or venting gas, or moving his body). Not to mention the smell. A small apartment having such a large lost space between walls. Wall cabinets that can withstand a 80kg person climbing up on them in a hurry. People using chlorine-laced shampoo and not losing hair and scalp - not to mention going blind.... A person using a toothbrush that has been put to work on someone else's behind and noticing neither smell nor taste. And the list goes on.....

Crappy movie. Avoid at all costs.
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