Spaced Out (1979)
6/10
A low-budget tale of boobs, prudes, idiots, shenanigans and space rats!
22 September 2017
A friend of mine, who's something of an authority on low-budget British sex films, once told me 'as far as I'm concerned, there's Eskimo Nell, and then there's everything else'. After seeing this entertainingly wacky soft-core sci-fi spoof, with its jukebox / computer combo, special effects cribbed from the Gerry Anderson archives, end-of-the-pier revue-standard gags and an unlikely super- stud in the form of a spotty nerd who we first see masturbating frantically over a copy of the delightfully titled 'Bouncers' magazine, I'd say 'as far as I'm concerned, there's Spaced Out, and then there's everything else'.

Consider this for a moment. Does Eskimo Nell have the most gloriously seventies collection of analogue technology hardware since Graeme Garden's computers (with their enormous tape spools) in the Goodies? Does Eskimo Nell have Glory Annen doing numerous costume changes, one of which is a sexy Beefeater on roller skates? Does Eskimo Nell have the very cute and busty Ava Cadell as an insatiable space nympho? Does Eskimo Nell have a computer with a prissy Anthony Daniels as CP30- type voice, or a snarky electronic psychiatrist housed inside a Wurlitzer jukebox which basically advises henpecked boyfriends to rape their fiancees to show 'em who's boss? Does Eskimo Nell have a jarringly out-of-place downbeat finale that reminds everyone in the cinema that they're watching a film from the director of Satan's Slave and Terror? Does Eskimo Nell have a spacecraft whose interior looks like a combined leftover set from the Tomorrow People and a swinging bachelor pad? Does Eskimo Nell have a Clouseau-style fight scene where the injured party's exclamations are doused in enough echo to make the viewer feel like he's stoned, even if he's on nothing stronger than orange squash? Does Eskimo Nell have a special chair that performs sodomy by stealth on the unfortunate fool who sits on it?

The answers to all these questions and more is NO!

I'm not going to sugar coat it, you have to be a certain type of viewer to get a kick out of Spaced Out. It's a film aimed at people who like cheapskate exploitation films, big boobs, dumb jokes and plots that play out like a live action Tijuana Bible. It also has a surprisingly excellent soundtrack. After years - no, decades - in obscurity, Spaced Out has received a welcome (if bare-bones) DVD release in the UK from Odeon, and it's well worth tracking down if you're in the mood for something that will make you laugh, make you wince, and make you feel a bit randy. And deep down, you know that's what you want.
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