I don't usually review films that I've only seen on MST3K. However, WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM irritated me so much, I've made an exception.
It's impossible to make a wizard-themed movie without a nod to "Lord of the Rings." However, this film does not merely *nod* to Tolkien. It copies him like the class dunce who copies test answers from the smart kid and still gets them wrong. The story revolves around the teen- aged Simon, who must flee when the good King Tyler (yes, King Tyler) is overthrown by the evil Shurka. Schooled in the art of wizardry, Simon must find the Ring of Magic (to rule them all?) and the Sword of Power to defeat Shurka and reclaim the kingdom (which looks to encompass about a city block of real estate). Accompanying Simon on his quest are Kor the Conqueror (an ostensibly great warrior, though nothing he does in the film proves it), Simon's eight-foot-tall pet Gulfax (who looks like a huge white bathroom rug), and the Forest Wizard Hurla (a dwarf who resembles the Travelocity gnome).
Everything about this film reeks of incompetence: the writing, the acting, the costumes, the visual effects (no, that dragon's head isn't a hand puppet!), the stunts, the so-called comedy relief, the sets (could those parapets look any more like Styrofoam?), the locations (where did they find such a filthy waterfall?), the directing, the editing .
Oh yes, the editing! Many scenes felt clipped, which led me to assume the MST3K gang had done some cutting to fit the show's 90-minute time slot. However, IMDb listed the running time as a mere 72 minutes. So the filmmakers themselves were the culprits, which didn't really surprise me.
Bo Svensson was precisely the wrong choice for a swashbuckling action hero. His Kor is noticeably overweight, his hairline is receding, he has more neck hair than a werewolf, his charisma is slightly lower than a 3rd-shift worker's at a mandatory 9:00 a.m. staff meeting, and he swings his sword in a way that made me think of fly-fishing. Vidal Peterson portrays young Simon in such a way that makes Troy McGreggor of THE FINAL SACRIFICE seem like Harry Potter in comparison. Thom Christopher's Shurka is so carpet-munchingly over the top as to make me wonder if the film was an elaborate prank. As for Gulfax, I saw no reason for his being in the film; he literally does nothing the whole time.
Amazingly, WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM spawned a sequel. I'm afraid to watch it, even with the MST3K treatment.
It's impossible to make a wizard-themed movie without a nod to "Lord of the Rings." However, this film does not merely *nod* to Tolkien. It copies him like the class dunce who copies test answers from the smart kid and still gets them wrong. The story revolves around the teen- aged Simon, who must flee when the good King Tyler (yes, King Tyler) is overthrown by the evil Shurka. Schooled in the art of wizardry, Simon must find the Ring of Magic (to rule them all?) and the Sword of Power to defeat Shurka and reclaim the kingdom (which looks to encompass about a city block of real estate). Accompanying Simon on his quest are Kor the Conqueror (an ostensibly great warrior, though nothing he does in the film proves it), Simon's eight-foot-tall pet Gulfax (who looks like a huge white bathroom rug), and the Forest Wizard Hurla (a dwarf who resembles the Travelocity gnome).
Everything about this film reeks of incompetence: the writing, the acting, the costumes, the visual effects (no, that dragon's head isn't a hand puppet!), the stunts, the so-called comedy relief, the sets (could those parapets look any more like Styrofoam?), the locations (where did they find such a filthy waterfall?), the directing, the editing .
Oh yes, the editing! Many scenes felt clipped, which led me to assume the MST3K gang had done some cutting to fit the show's 90-minute time slot. However, IMDb listed the running time as a mere 72 minutes. So the filmmakers themselves were the culprits, which didn't really surprise me.
Bo Svensson was precisely the wrong choice for a swashbuckling action hero. His Kor is noticeably overweight, his hairline is receding, he has more neck hair than a werewolf, his charisma is slightly lower than a 3rd-shift worker's at a mandatory 9:00 a.m. staff meeting, and he swings his sword in a way that made me think of fly-fishing. Vidal Peterson portrays young Simon in such a way that makes Troy McGreggor of THE FINAL SACRIFICE seem like Harry Potter in comparison. Thom Christopher's Shurka is so carpet-munchingly over the top as to make me wonder if the film was an elaborate prank. As for Gulfax, I saw no reason for his being in the film; he literally does nothing the whole time.
Amazingly, WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM spawned a sequel. I'm afraid to watch it, even with the MST3K treatment.