Imagine a movie so bad, that every conceivable error has been made, while making it. That's what we got here with this film. I don't care, if this movie was initially intended to be a bad film to get some laughs or not; no amount of time-travelling, will ever change the fact that this movie is probably one of the worst movies, I ever seen. It's not funny. It's not entertaining. It's not even watchable. Written and directed by Steven A. Sandt, the film tells the story of Robert Moore (Johnny James Gatyas), an ordinary man whom goes on a series of adventures, through time & space with a futuristic slave girl, Sheba (Amy Henry), when he buys a time machine at a yard sale. If that sounds like a plot that a low budget television show would make, over the span of 12 episodes, you would be correct. This movie story sure does feels like one. On the other hand, a plot like that, does not work for a film like this, because it jams way too many subplots like time travelling, treasure hunting, planet exploring, and others in a limited runtime. One hour and 24 minutes is far too little time for any of that. So, it was no surprised that the ending was very disappointing, as the movie didn't resolved anything. Another problem with this film is the fact that it wasted a lot of time, on pointless filler. It's so slow paced. One good example of this, is the real time scene, where the protagonist get home and takes a while, drinking a glass of orange juice, before opening the box that holds the time machine. Did we really need to show that or the scene with the intergalactic belly dancer (Elise Caloca)!? I get that the actress is on the cover of the DVD, but her performance doesn't play, any major part in the story. It felt like time-wasting. Even, with the scenes that needed to be established, the filmmakers took a little too long. Why is there, five to ten shots of them, landing on a planet!? Also, why are some of those scenes, framed so incorrectly with most of the background taking up the shot? Have they never heard of centering!? Also, what was the deal with the actors, walking through a number of stock desktop locations pictures on a badly-done green screen? Most of those scenes could had been, shot in real locations. It's not that expensive or dangerous. I get that, filming on location, sometimes, give off, terrible sound due to the lack of a boom mike, but it's a risk, worth taking. Especially, when you already filmed some scenes in a real-life forest with really bad sound. Don't get me wrong, some green screen is indeed needed for this Sci-Fi film, but why couldn't the director get the actors to react to their surrounding a lot, better. The two leads, acts so unnatural, when they come across something like walking around on an ice planet with no jackets, meeting dinosaurs or delivering goods to some resistance fighters that was never established. They're so horrible! It's even worse, when they stand completely still for minutes on time, doing nothing in static shots with no music. I can't stand, looking at sad, fat woman's face or 1950s greaser guy, any longer. The characters look so stupid & braindead. The chemistry between these two is equally, six feet under. The worst part about this, is the fact, that the characters forgets that they have a time machine, yet they act as if they're still affected by time and its linear effects. Regardless, the dialogue is so awfully written that it seem like a foreign movie dub in horrible English could had done, better. Overall: This movie is travesty, horrific, absurd, ridiculous, and mind-numbingly stupid. I don't even know if I can recommend it to lovers of bad movies. It is just a mess from start to finish. Even a movie like 2010's "Birdemic: Shock & Terror" at least, had some enjoyable moments. This one I don't think you can even enjoy it ironically. It makes 'Birdemic' seem like a Sci-fi masterpiece. It's that bad. If this was a student film, like it could, very well-be. It would be F. This is one film, you show your students, on how not to make a film. It's a big fat failure. No wonder, why it was never released at theaters. Even on Youtube. This is still one of the biggest crap movies, out there.
This movie is a huge waste of time! It's really awful! HG Wells would be rolling in his grave.
24 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers